Remember Me
by robssexhair
Summary: Bella has finally gotten everything she's wanted for years. But when an accident takes it all away from her, how will she cope? Will Edward ever be normal again? AU, AH, mostly canon. May get lemony later, hence M rating.
1. Prologue

**This is my first multi-chapter Twilight fanfic. I'm a little nervous finally putting it on the internet for others to read, but I figured, why else write it unless other people will read it? Constructive criticism is definitely welcome, but try not to be too harsh. :) **

**Generic disclaimer of course: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.  
**

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**PROLOGUE**

For the millionth time since that fateful day almost two months ago, I asked myself, "What had I done wrong?"

Did I commit some unforgivable crime in my past life that I was being punished for now? Just when I had finally gotten what I had wanted, prayed for, _agonized over_ for years and years; just when all the pieces of my life were finally falling into place…

Implosion.

My entire world had collapsed in on itself.

I looked over at Edward, who was sitting at his kitchen table, playing War with his friend Jasper. I watched as he slapped down a ten and whooped, sliding both his and Jasper's cards into his own pile.

Jasper caught me watching them and gave me an apologetic smile.

I didn't know why they all kept apologizing to me. It wasn't their fault. Nobody could have expected what fate had in store for me.

Edward's gaze followed Jasper's and as soon as he made eye contact with me, his head dropped. He glanced up at me again and gave me a tentative smile, which I reluctantly returned.

Nobody, not Jasper, not Edward's parents, Carlisle and Emse, not his sister Alice or his brother Emmett could have expected nor prevented what God had in the works on that significant day eight weeks ago.

Who would have known Edward would completely forget me, his mind entirely cleaned free of every memory we had ever shared together since we were four years old?

He was the one person I could count on in my life; my best friend. The man I was desperately, painfully, completely head-over-heels in love with. The man who I had poured my heart out to on that day and finally, after years of waiting, had gotten the answer I had only dreamed of getting from him.

And he had no idea who I was.

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**So what does everyone think? Would you be interested in seeing where this goes? Please, review!! Me love you long time. :)**


	2. Chapter One: Confession

**CHAPTER ONE - CONFESSION**

"Edward, I..." My mouth wouldn't form the words.

"What, Bella? Spit it out already." His tone was slightly annoyed. I had been over at his apartment for roughly an hour after a frenzied phone call and a speed racer-esque drive over here. I had realized, all of a sudden, that I couldn't hold this in anymore. I had to get my feelings off my chest, and I had to do it now. I hadn't really thought about exactly what I was going to say and now that the moment to speak was here, I was at a loss for words. He had been dealing with my half sentences and mumbling for long enough and was obviously getting tired of the charade.

"You said you had something to tell me, so just say it." His arms folded across his chest. "Since when have you ever been tongue tied around me?"

It felt like I had a giant lump in my throat. I couldn't make the words come out right. How do you tell the person you've been best friends with since you were four years old that you're madly in love with them? This was going to ruin our friendship, I knew it. But there was no turning back. I had already said too much and my mind couldn't backtrack fast enough to come up with a lie to cover myself.

My voice dropped down to a whisper, and I wasn't even sure he could hear me. I hesitated again before saying what I had wanted to say for over ten years. "I'm in love with you."

I couldn't look at him. I heard nothing in response. Complete silence. I could feel the tears welling behind my eyes. I was ready to turn around and run out the door and never look back.

After about ten long seconds of silence, I heard his weight shift and all of a sudden, I was in his arms. His face was hot against mine as he crushed me into a breathtaking hug. I could feel wetness on my cheek and cursed myself internally for letting the tears spill over… But, wait. My eyes hadn't betrayed me. Those weren't my tears.

"Edward..." I pulled his face away from mine. I hadn't gotten my voice back yet, so my words still came out sounding strangled. "You're... You're crying?"

He sheepishly wiped under his eyes with his sleeve and let out a shaky laugh. "Bella, do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say those words?" His voice didn't sound much better then mine had.

My heart began to beat even faster in response to what he had just said. Could there be hope? Could he possibly feel the same for me? Could I really get everything I've wanted since I was 13 years old?

I looked up into Edward's gorgeous green eyes, wet with tears, and saw everything I had ever hoped for in the past ten years. I brought a shaky finger up and wiped a tear from underneath his right eye.

"Silly boy, why are you crying?" My question was a bit hypothetical though, as the tears that had threatened to betray me earlier were dangerously close to spilling over my own eyes.

"I'm just so happy, Bella, I—" His words abruptly cut off as his eyes searched my face. Before I knew it, his lips were crushing mine, urgent and wanting. His tongue pushed my lips apart and eagerly probed my mouth. I could taste the salt on his lips as I fervently kissed him back. He tangled his hands in my hair as he pulled me closer.

Then we were falling. He had pushed me down onto the couch, lightly resting his body on top of mine. His lips moved from mine down to my neck, kissing, nibbling, biting, licking, sucking, _God._ One of his hands found its way under my shirt and as he was running his fingers up my stomach, a bulb went off in my head.

_Bella? Shouldn't you guys talk about what's happening right now?_

His lips found mine again, and I couldn't form the words to make him stop. My hands gripped his neck tightly as I tried to pull him even closer to me.

_You need to talk to him. There's plenty of time for this later._

I reluctantly agreed with the microscopic part of my brain telling me that while this could be _beyond_ amazing, it could wait. "Edward—" My voice came out muffled as his lips were still eagerly exploring my own.

"Hmmm?" His tongue began tracing along my bottom lip and _fuck_, screw talking, I was ready to have him right now, on his couch, resolve gone, forget the consequences. But a tiny part of my mind was still telling me that we needed to talk before we went any further, so I lightly pushed against his chest. The pressure was enough to make him stop.

His face was flushed as he looked down at me. "What's wrong?" He asked breathlessly.

"Shouldn't we, I don't know, talk about this?" The words were actually painful to say. As much as I was dying for this to happen, as I had been fantasizing about this for God knows how long, I knew this was the right thing to do.

He lifted himself off of me and fell backwards onto the other side of the couch. His hands immediately went into his hair, a nervous habit of his. "Ok, let's talk."

"Don't get me wrong, I want this to happen as much as you, but it's all so sudden," I scooted closer to him, until our bodies were almost touching again. My voice dropped. "I had no idea you'd feel this way. I hadn't prepared myself for this reaction from you."

His dazzling smile returned. "What did you think I'd do?" His voice was curious, and a bit teasing.

I didn't want to tell him how I thought he would remove himself from my life completely, so I just shrugged nonchalantly. "Not that, that's for damn sure," I managed a small smile.

He leaned forward and took his hands in mine, the playfulness gone from his face again. "I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you, Bella. I just never knew how to tell you. This is a dream come true for me."

My breathing kicked up a notch again as he softly kissed my forehead. Just when I had gotten my heart rate under control, he had to put his warm lips on my skin again. He brought his hand up to my face and stroked my cheek gently. "I've wanted nothing more then for this to happen for years, but I was afraid of ruining what we had."

Funny, he felt exactly the same way I did about our relationship. He had the same fears I did. The relief I felt from this revelation was almost enough to make me have an audible reaction.

He paused for two beats, and was suddenly excited. His eyes lit up like a kid's on Christmas and he was practically giddy with enthusiasm. He pulled me up off the couch and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. "Wait here," he said and gently pushed me away from him. In three strides, he was at the front door turning the knob.

"Wait, where are you--"

"It's a surprise, I promise I'll be back in half an hour," he turned back towards me and his mouth twisted up into the crooked smile I loved so much. "Don't go anywhere."

"Ok, I won't," I wrapped my now empty arms around myself as he shut the door. When I was sure he was gone, I threw myself back onto the couch, kicking my legs up in excitement. I squealed out loud, sounding like a little kid who had just gotten a puppy for Christmas and was a bit embarrassed at myself, even knowing I was alone. I couldn't contain my exhilaration though, and pushed my face into one of his couch cushions to muffle my excitement.

I couldn't believe Edward actually felt the same way about me. I was sure he saw me as nothing more then his "Belly-Bean," a stupid nickname he had come up with after an incident involving a bag of Jelly Bellies and an anthill when we were nine. I had practically made myself sick, agonized over how I was going to express my feelings, dreading his response; sure this would ruin any chance we had at even staying friends. I had all but convinced myself that there was no chance he wanted anything to do with me romantically, and that I was going to lose him once I poured my heart out to him.

I was so electric with happy energy that I had to get up and do something. I couldn't just sit around and wait for him to come back. I started organizing the magazines on his coffee table, first alphabetically by name: Car and Driver, Esquire, FHM, GQ, Men's Health, Sports Illustrated, then by release date, earliest to most recent. When I was bored with that I went to the fridge and grabbed a Coke and contemplated a bag of Doritos, but if we were going to be doing anything _I_ had in mind when he got back, Doritos were a bad idea.

I plopped back down on the couch and dug my phone out of my purse. Even though things were still early, I had to tell someone about how amazing the past hour was. I found Jessica in my contact list and quickly typed out a text.

_Jess, OMG, you'll never guess what just happened! _

I flipped my phone shut and mentally counted to ten. It would probably take Jessica less time then that to respond to me. Not only was her phone practically attached to her hand, she had a massive texting addiction and was more possibly more obsessed then my wanna-be relationship with Edward then I was. It took until I reached eight Mississippi's for my phone to vibrate in my hand.

_WHAT?! IS HE THERE? CAN YOU CALL ME? I NEED DETAILS, WOMAN. _

A huge smile spread across my face as I responded.

_No, he ran out but I don't know when he'll be back. He is an AMAZING kisser!! Holy hell, Jess. It went better then I could have imagined!!_

I flipped on the TV and put the volume down to background noise as I sipped my Coke and texted back and forth with Jess, giving her as many details as was possible in text form and promising her several times I would call her later with details I couldn't fit into a 300 character message.

I lost track of time, and only looked at the clock when I saw the sun beginning to set behind the curtains. How long had he been gone? What time did he leave? He said he'd be back in half an hour, but if my calculations were right, he'd been gone almost two hours.

Uneasily, I dialed his cell number. It rang four times and went to voicemail.

Weird.

I waited ten minutes and tried again.

No answer.

After another fifteen minutes, I gave it another try.

Straight to voicemail.

I began getting anxious. It wasn't like Edward to not answer his phone. And on the few occasions he didn't answer, he always returned my calls quickly. What was going on?

I began nervously pacing his apartment, checking the display on my phone every couple of minutes just in case he called but my phone had malfunctioned.

Nothing.

After a half an hour of pacing, I dialed his number again. Still straight to voicemail.

I had a really sick feeling in my stomach now. He had said half an hour, and he had been gone almost three. If whatever he was planning was going to take this long, he would have called me to tell me he would be longer; he knew how I worried.

I tried to focus on the reality show droning out of the TV, but couldn't concentrate.

The pacing continued.

After another 20 minutes, my phone rang shrilly in my hand. Relief flooded through me as I looked at the caller ID. But it wasn't Edward calling; it was Alice, his nosy, spunky, slightly annoying sister.

My first thought was that Edward had called her and told her what had happened between us. Already feeling mentally exhausted from just the thought of this conversation, I flipped the phone open.

"Hey Alice."

"Bella?" Her voice was frantic.

My stomach jumped into my throat.

"Bella? Are you there?!"

"What's wrong?" Just like earlier, my voice wouldn't go above a whisper, but this time it was out of terror, not nervousness.

"It's Edward. There's been an accident."

My world collapsed around me and the darkness came quickly.

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**Thanks for all the positive reviews on the prologue, you guys!! I appreciate all your feedback so much!! Let me know how you all feel about the first chapter. :)**


	3. Chapter Two: Faith

**CHAPTER TWO - FAITH**

I had never fainted before.

What a weird feeling. The way the black comes in from the outside and sort of tunnels before taking your vision completely away. The disorienting dizziness that makes your knees buckle out from under you. The ground didn't even feel that hard when I hit it. I was just glad I wasn't falling anymore. I didn't like the feeling of falling.

I didn't know how long I was out for. It could have been hours, but when I came to, I could hear Alice yelling from the phone in my hand, so I knew it couldn't have been more then a few seconds.

I didn't realize at first, once my consciousness came back, exactly what was going on. I woke up in Edward's apartment, on the floor by his couch, with my phone in my hand and Alice shouting at me from the other end.

Carefully, I sat up and rested my head against my knees. I tried to remember what had caused me to faint, but everything was foggy.

Alice was still screeching from my phone and it took me a second to realize that if I put the phone to my ear, I could probably find out what was going on.

"Alice?" My voice was scratchy.

"Bella? Jesus Christ, what was that all about? Are you ok? I heard a crash!" Her voice was close to hysteria.

"I, um, I passed out." I brought my hand to my forehead. The room was still spinning. How long was this dizziness going to last?

"Did you hear what I told you? Are you ok to drive? Or do you need me to come pick you up? We need to get to the—"

"Alice!" I interrupted her. Too much information at once, too many questions; I still had no idea what the hell was going on. "Drive where? What are you talking about?"

She paused before speaking and when she did, her voice was slightly more composed. "Bella, did you hit your head? Do you not remember what I told you before you fainted?"

I racked my brain. I was texting Jessica, waiting for Edward to come home, my phone rang and it was Alice and… My mind got really cloudy after that. "No, I don't remember. What happened?"

She didn't answer me. I could hear her keys jingling and the beeping from her car door opening. The door slammed shut and I heard the engine start.

"Alice?"

"Bella, I'm coming to get you."

"But—But I'm not home." Why would she be coming to pick me up?

"Where are you?" She asked.

"I'm at Edward's. Alice, what's going on?"

"I'll be there in five minutes." And she hung up.

I stared at the phone in my hand for a second before snapping it shut.

What the hell was going on?

_Ok, think, Bella, think!_

If the room would stop trying to make me sick, I could think a lot better. I laid back down on the floor and closed my eyes, massaging my temples with my fingertips.

Alice had called. I had thought she was calling me to talk to me about what had happened between me and Edward. I answered the phone and…

I pushed through the fog.

She was upset.

The conversation replayed in my head.

"_Hey Alice."_

"_Bella?" Her voice was frantic. "Bella? Are you there?! "_

"_Alice. What's wrong?" _

"_It's Edward. There's been an accident."_

Oh no.

Nononononononononononononono.

As the realization hit me, I turned over and threw up.

"_It's Edward. There's been an accident."_

I clutched my stomach as I threw up again. My insides were heaving.

Some part of my brain felt guilty that I was ruining Edward's carpet, because I couldn't stop the contents of my stomach from coming back up.

I heard the front door open and felt Alice at my side.

"Oh, sweetie," She pulled me up into a sitting position. She yanked her scarf off and began wiping my forehead with it.

"Alice, what happened? Is he ok?" I croaked. I was dangerously close to throwing up again.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I got a call from my dad; he said we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. They wouldn't tell him anything over the phone."

I began sobbing uncontrollably. Alice pulled me into a hug as she continued. "It was a car accident," her voice wavered and I knew it was selfish of me to be acting like this. I should have been holding it together for her; after all, it was _her_ brother we were talking about. Her hands smoothed my hair and I could feel her tears spilling onto my neck. "We need to go." She pulled away from me and I looked into her tear stained face. "Are you ok? Can you walk?" She handed me her scarf. I wiped my eyes with it.

"I think so." I let her pull me up and the room began spinning again. She helped me outside and I had to stop to throw up again into a bush. She didn't seem annoyed by my slow pace but when she got me into her car, she raced down the street, going almost twice the speed limit.

We reached the hospital in three minutes, probably lucky we didn't get wrapped around a pole ourselves. Alice jumped out of the car and began briskly walking towards the front entrance. It took her about fifteen seconds to realize I wasn't behind her. She ran back over to the car and opened the passenger door. She tugged lightly on my arm. "We need to get inside, Bella, come on." The tears continued to pour down her cheeks, but she was able to keep her composure.

I couldn't move.

Alice's phone rang. She briefly looked at the caller ID and answered it. "Dad? What's going on?" A pause. "No, I'm here, but I can't get Bella out of the car." Another pause. "Ok, bye." She snapped her phone shut and looked at me. "Emmett's coming."

I couldn't fathom why Emmett would be coming out to the car until he got there. Without a word, he scooped me up in his arms and began carrying me towards the entrance.

The bouncing from his hurried pace was making me feel nauseous again. I willed myself not to throw up on him.

"Emmett," I whispered. "Is he alive?"

He looked down at me warily. I could tell he had been crying too. I braced myself for his answer.

"Yeah, he is." He looked forward again. He didn't elaborate.

I buried my face in Emmett's jacket and started crying again. I heard the sliding doors at the front entrance open and a sickly smell of disinfectant burned my nostrils.

"Is she ok?" I heard Carlisle ask softly. Someone touched my hair, Esme probably. She was like my second mother when I was growing up and knowing her, even though her son had just been in a car accident, she'd be worried about me.

I turned my head out of Emmett's chest. "I'm fine," I lied. "You can put me down Emmett." He hesitated. "I'm ok, really."

He carefully set me down, hovering near me in case I couldn't hold myself upright. I tried my hardest to keep my knees from giving out underneath me.

I looked at Carlisle, wiping my eyes again with Alice's scarf. "What happened?" I whispered.

Carlisle hesitated, bringing his hands to his hair; I could see where Edward got the habit from. He pulled lightly at the thinning blonde tufts. His voice was shaky. "As far as I know, he was driving up Main and someone ran a red light and t-boned him on the passenger side. His car spun out wrapped around a light pole." His voice caught on the last word and his hands went from his hair to his eyes. His voice was quieter when he spoke again. "All the doctors have told us so far is that he's got a broken leg, several broken ribs, a concussion and a lot of cuts and bruises."

That didn't seem so bad; nothing life threatening from what it sounded like. Then again, I wasn't a doctor. "So, is he going to be ok?"

"They don't know," he dropped his hands to his sides and sighed. "He's unconscious, and completely unresponsive. They said there isn't any major bleeding in his brain, but he's not responding to any stumuli." He paused and I saw tears begin to roll down his cheeks. "He's on a breathing machine."

He dropped down into a crouch then, his hands covering his face as his body convulsed in sobs. Alice dropped next to him and wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face in his sleeve and cried with him.

This was all too much for me. In the almost twenty years I had known Carlisle, I had never seen him cry. Edward's father was always the man's man. Taking his boys fishing, playing touch football in the backyard, working out in the gym he had set up in the garage… He always just seemed so macho. I didn't even know he _could_ cry.

The scene unfolding in front of me churned my stomach again, and even though I was sure there was nothing left in it, I could feel the vomit rising up my throat. I clamped my hand over my mouth as I took off for the bathroom. Thank God there was one right outside the ER waiting room.

There was nothing but green, foamy bile coming out of my stomach. It burned my throat as it came up and tasted like death. When that was gone, I dry heaved until I was choking. As I was trying to catch my breath, I heard the bathroom door open.

"Bella?" A soft voice floated through the small room. Esme, of course. She followed the sound of my coughing and slipped into the stall. Wordlessly, she grabbed a few squares of toilet paper and kneeled down next to me. She wiped my damp bangs off my forehead and dabbed the paper at my mouth, cleaning off the dribbles of vomit that were still on my chin. She grabbed another handful of tissue and began dabbing underneath my eyes. As she pulled the paper back, I saw it smudged with black. I didn't even want to imagine what I looked like; my makeup was probably everywhere.

"Are you ok, hun?" Her eyes were red rimmed but she seemed to be holding her composure together quite well under the circumstances. Esme was always the strong one. Being the mother of three rambunctious kids, she had to be. She couldn't get upset when Emmett fell trying to learn how to skateboard and scraped his knee or when Edward fell off the roof trying to dive into the pool and broke his arm. She had to stay strong for the rest of her family.

"I don't know," I choked out. My throat was raw. "Esme, I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Everything will be ok," she rubbed soothing circles on my arm.

"How do you know that?" She seemed so sure of herself.

She shrugged. "I have faith."

Three simple words. I couldn't see where she pulled her strength from, but her words made me feel a little bit better.

I didn't feel like I was going to throw up anymore, so I let her pull me off the filthy bathroom floor and lead me out to the sinks. I looked into the mirror. I was a mess. My mascara had run all the way down my face and my cheeks were covered in dark red splotches. My eyes were practically swollen shut and the corners of my lips were caked with dried vomit. I splashed my face with water and tried to make myself look a bit more presentable.

"You ready to head back out?" Esme held her hand out to me.

I managed a weak smile as I took her hand. She squeezed it reassuringly as she led me back to the waiting room. When I got there, I saw Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie had arrived.

"Bella!" She jumped up and enveloped me in a huge hug. "Are you ok?"

"I've been better," I said dryly. I didn't mean to be rude, but how could she expect me to feel?

Just then, a woman walked into the room, dressed in blue scrubs with a clipboard in her hand. My eyes zoned in on the blood smears on the front of her shirt. It was a good thing Rosalie was still holding onto me, I was beginning to feel dizzy again.

"Mr. Cullen?" She walked quickly to Carlisle and took his hand.

"Is he— I mean, how is— Is he ok?" Carlisle gripped her hand in both of his.

"He's still unconscious, but stable," she glanced down at her clipboard. "We did a catscan and an MRI and can't find any significant injuries to his brain. His left leg is broken, as well as three ribs on his right side and two on his left. He has a pretty bad cut on his forehead that we've stitched up. Besides that, other then some bumps and bruises, he seems to be ok."

She sounded like she was checking items off of a grocery list. Broken leg? Check. Bloody gash? Check. Broken ribs? Check. I had to suppress the urge to walk over to her and slap her. My legs stayed put but I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"What do you mean, 'seems to be ok?'" I snapped at her. My voice was still raw and scratchy so my remark didn't sound as threatening as I'd liked. "You said he's unconscious, and you don't know why. How is that 'ok?'" I even made the quotations in the air with my fingers. I felt Rosalie's grip on my arms tighten.

"Well, he had a pretty traumatic blow to the head. His brain is trying to recover itself," she talked to me like I was a four year old. "We're finding no bleeds, no swelling, no fractures in his skull. Were keeping a close watch on him and will repeat the procedures as necessary."

The fact that she didn't answer my question did not escape me. I was about to open my mouth to tell her as much, but Carlisle interjected into our heated conversation. "Can we see him?"

The doctor shot an unfriendly look towards me before answering Carlisle. "Yes, but we've moved him to the ICU. He's on the fourth floor in room 438. Only three people are allowed in the room at a time, the rest can stay in the ICU waiting room." She touched Carlisle's shoulder before turning around and walking back through the double doors that led to the ER.

We all moved slowly towards the elevators, nobody saying a word. Rosalie and Alice stayed at my sides, looping their arms through mine. I wondered what Alice had told Rosalie when I was in the bathroom. We made the journey to the fourth floor ICU and piled into the waiting room.

Carlisle turned around as we all sat down. "Three at a time," he looked at us expectantly.

"You and mom go," Alice said. "And Bella." She gave me a small smile as she rubbed circles onto my hand. I wondered if Edward had called her and told her what had happened between us before the accident.

"No, I couldn't… One of you go," I gestured towards Emmett and Alice. It only seemed right that family go see him first, plus I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing Edward hooked up to all those machines, his bright green eyes closed without a promise of them ever opening again.

"No, it's ok," Emmett put his arm around Rosalie. "He cared more about you then probably both of us combined anyway." He managed a shaky laugh. That was Emmett, always making jokes, even at the most inappropriate times.

Esme walked over to me and took my hand again, pulling me up and embracing me. "It'll be ok," she said, sensing my hesitation.

I let her pull me down the hallway. I almost turned around and ran in the other direction when we reached the door to Edward's room, but I forced myself to stay put and be strong.

Carlisle opened the door and I heard his breath catch. He hesitated, but walked into the room. Esme and I followed.

The sight in front of me was surreal. A motionless Edward lay hooked up to countless wires, tubes and monitors. My eyes zoned in on the large tube coming out of his mouth. The machine it was hooked up to was pumping air into his lungs at two second intervals. Another machine screening his heart rate beeped regularly to let us know he was still alive. His head was wrapped in a large white bandage and I could see the blood behind it beginning to seep through the layers of gauze. His left eye was swollen to twice it's normal size and his face was covered in cuts and bruises. I was glad the rest of his body was covered in a blanket so I couldn't see the full extent of the damage.

"What's this?" Carlisle's soft voice broke into my thoughts. I looked over at him examining a bouquet of long stemmed roses in a gorgeous crystal vase sitting on the windowsill. "The card is written out to you, Bella."

I was confused. Why would there be flowers for me in Edward's hospital room?

A nurse walked briskly through the door and stopped short. "Oh, sorry." She looked embarrassed. "I hadn't realized he had visitors, I just need to check on his vitals." She seemed flustered as she bustled over to the group of machines on the left of Edward's bed. She began examining a roll of paper that was inching its way out of the monitor and onto the floor.

"Miss," Carlisle turned to the nurse. "Where did these come from?"

She jotted something down on her clipboard and looked up. "Oh, one of the paramedics that attended the scene brought them up after he was settled." She shrugged. "He found them in the back of the car, sitting on the seat completely unharmed. He figured they were significant and he didn't want them to end up in the junkyard with the car—" She stopped short, blushing. "I mean, well, you know what I mean." She ducked her head. "I'll leave you alone with him now, sorry for interrupting." She slipped out of the room.

Wordlessly, Carlisle walked over to me and handed me the card. With shaking fingers, I opened the envelope. It was a typical Hallmark card with a generic message about first love but it was what Edward wrote on the inside that made my knees finally give out from underneath me again:

_Bella, _

_Your name truly does suit you. You know it means "beautiful" in Italian right? I've always thought of you as the most gorgeous creature I've ever laid my eyes on. I've been madly in love with you since the first time I saw your dark brown pigtails and missing front teeth, what twenty years ago? Wow. And my love for you has only grown stronger as we've gotten older. If I wasn't afraid of losing you completely, I would have poured my heart out to you years ago. Funny how we felt the same way, but were both afraid to make that first move... That just proves how alike we really are. We're meant for each other Bella, we both know it. I just hate how it took us so long to admit it to each other. But forget the past… We're moving forward, me and you together, finally. I can't wait to be able to get to know you as my girlfriend, my lover, my soulmate. I love you with my entire being, and hope I get to spend the rest of eternity with you. _

_Forever yours, _

_Edward_

_

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_**I'm unsure about how I feel about this chapter... I kinda felt like I made Bella sound a bit pathetic, but I just wrote her as I think I would act in a similar situation, which in turn makes me sound a bit pathetic, but whatever. Anyway, lol, lemme know what you all think!! I appreciate each one of your guys' reviews so much!  
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	4. Chapter Three: Nightmare

**CHAPTER THREE – NIGHTMARE**

It was hard to believe that just four days ago, I was wrapped in Edward's arms, marveling at how soft his lips were and sweet his breath tasted. I got maybe a total of ten minutes of that bliss. Ten minutes could be all I'd ever get.

I refused to leave his side. He still hadn't woken up, and I was determined to be here when he did… Or should I say if he did. The doctors still had no idea why Edward was still unconscious. They had repeated the MRI and CT scan half a dozen times and couldn't find anything physically wrong with his brain. He just wouldn't wake up.

The upside was that he was breathing on his own. They had taken him off the ventilator the day before. He was now just on supplemental oxygen, which still bugged me a bit, but at least the tube was out of his throat.

Edward's family had insisted I go home, take a shower and get some sleep. They promised to call me if anything happened, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I had dozed off a few times leaned against the foot of Edward's bed, but every time one of the gazillion machines hooked up to him made a noise, it jarred me awake.

Edward's family was in and out. Carlisle and Esme were here with me most, trading off going home and feeding the dogs and fielding phone calls from worried family members. Alice and Emmett came by a couple times a day, before and after work and sometimes to bring me food. I didn't touch most of it; I was afraid putting anything more then a few bites of food into my stomach was going to trigger the vomiting again.

Alice had brought me homemade pancakes this morning. She had bounced in, smelling like maple syrup, her usually spiky black hair wet and pulled back into a headband.

"I'm running late for work," she explained as she set the Tupperware container on the bedside table. She stopped at the head of Edward's bed and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"Big brother, I love you. I want your eyes open when I come back after work." She kissed his forehead and turned towards me. "Bella, you look like hell."

I grimaced. "Thanks."

"Seriously, will you just go home? You need a good night's sleep and a shower," she made a face as she glanced at the unkempt, unwashed bun I had pinned to the back of my head. "You know whoever is here with him will call you if anything happens."

"Alice, I can't. I need—"

"Need to be here when his' gorgeous green eyes' open, I know, Bella."

I scowled at her. "That's not what I was going to say."

She walked over to me and took my face in her hands. "You're like a sister to me, Bella, and I'm worried about you. Please. Take some time for you. Take care of yourself."

I stared into her big blue eyes and my resolve melted, just a little. A hot shower and a soft pillow _did_ sound amazing right now, but…

I glanced over her shoulder at Edward's still frame and the pull I felt towards him overtook any desire I had.

"I can't."

She straightened her body and crossed her arms. "Fine." She turned back towards Edward and gave him another kiss, on the cheek this time. As she was walking out the door I heard her call behind her, "At least eat the pancakes, they're homemade."

I had no interest in the plastic container on the table by Edward's bed. The sickly sweet smell of the syrup alone was activating my gag reflex.

I laid my head down on the edge of Edward's bed and tried to block out the sugary smell; I supposed I could just get up and throw the container away outside, but I was just so tired… The monotone of the TV gnawed at the edges of my brain, the humming not quite letting me fall asleep. If I got up, I could turn off the TV and I could get rid of the pancakes, all in one trip, but my legs wouldn't work. If I could just make myself get up for two minutes…

The next thing I heard was whispering.

"Just carry her; I doubt she'll even wake up."

"Alice, she'll be _really_ pissed when she does, and I don't want to be in the line of fire when she gets back."

Was that Emmett?

"Emmett—"

Yup.

"—she needs to get some real rest. She'll feel a lot better when she wakes up after a full night sleep and takes a shower."

"But didn't the doctor say—"

"Emmett, please," Alice interrupted him.

What did the doctor say?

When I didn't get a response, I realized I hadn't said that out loud. Nothing in my body was working right.

"Let's just take her home, I'm worried about her. She can come right back when she's rested."

"Ok, but this was _your_ idea."

I felt myself being lifted up, and wanted to protest, but my brain just wasn't sending the right signals to my mouth.

The next thing I was aware of was being surrounded by something warm and soft. It was a really disconcerting feeling, considering the last bouts of sleep I had were in a folding chair. My eyes flew open and I thrashed around for a few seconds before a realized I was in my own bed.

What the…?

I had a vague memory of a conversation between Alice and Emmett about taking me home but that could have been a dream.

I rubbed my eyes and looked at my bedside clock. It said 3:24. Judging from the darkness outside my window, it was almost 3:30 in the morning.

I saw my cell on the table next to the clock, and the message light was flashing. Quickly, I grabbed the phone and flipped it open. The text was from Alice:

_Me and Emmett took you home. Please don't be mad. You needed it. If something happens before you get back down here, I promise we'll call you. Rest and PLEASE wash your hair. Love you. _

The time on the message caught my eye.

_Sun. Sep 14 11:03 a.m._

I mentally did the math in my head. If she sent this as they dropped me off, I had been asleep for over sixteen hours.

Wow.

The sad thing was, I felt like I could sleep some more. I still felt mentally exhausted. I contemplated closing my eyes again, but the mucky feeling in my mouth and the itchiness on my scalp pulled me out of bed.

I was dressed in a tank top and boxers.

Alice must have helped me change. Geez, how out of it was I?

I stumbled my way to the bathroom and flipped the light on. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw what Alice had been seeing for the past four days and couldn't blame her for practically dragging me home.

My eyes were still almost swollen shut, puffy and red, with dark bluish, purple bruises underneath them. The mascara I had cried off was still visible in faint streaks on my cheeks. My face was covered in red splotches and my hair… Oh God, my hair. I pulled the bun off the back of my head and shook the strands out. I don't think my hair had ever been this greasy before. It felt like I had dipped my head in a vat of Crisco.

Disgusting.

Shower time, now.

The hot water felt amazing on my skin. It was also a good distraction. I was able to clear my head and just enjoy the feeling of the soapy bubbles running down my body.

But the shower wasn't long enough. As soon as I shut the water off, my mind started working again. The image of Edward lying motionless in that hospital bed, hooked up to countless machines and his beautiful eyes closed took over my head again. I clutched at my stomach and leaned my head against the warm tile.

"Edward. Please come back to me," I whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I could feel the tears starting to push against the back of my eyelids.

Not bothering getting dressed or even brushing my hair, I stumbled back to bed. I was still soaking wet and now freezing, but I didn't care. Being alone in this dark room, with nothing but my imagination to keep me company was overwhelming. I gripped my pillow as the choking sobs started again.

I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew, I was sitting on a colorful quilt, in the middle of a gorgeous meadow, surrounded by a sea of wildflowers. Orchids, baby's breath, calendulas, zinnias, sweet peas, marigolds, poppies, huge sunflowers; I couldn't even come up with names for most of the beautiful blooming flowers around me. A light breeze played with my hair, blowing it around my face and brushing the soft, long grass against my back.

I looked around and figured out that I was alone. How did I get here? Where was I? What was going on? I shielded my eyes and looked up into the sky. The sun was barely beginning to set, casting a pinkish, purplish glow across the horizon, tinting the hazy clouds an unnatural, gorgeous shade.

"Bella?"

The voice that said my name was heavenly. Was that an angel speaking?

"Where'd you go?"

I tried out my voice. "I'm right here!" I called out.

Something that truly was an angel stepped through a patch of sunflowers and smiled at me. His skin glowed and his emerald eyes sparkled. He carried a picnic basket and a cluster of my favorite flowers: Gerber daisies.

"I found them!" He said excitedly. He set the basket down at my feet and plopped down next to me on the blanket. I knew I was dreaming the second his lips touched my forehead. "I picked extra because I know how much you love them." He set them down lightly in my lap.

I looked down at the gorgeous bouquet of pink daisies in my lap and felt my throat beginning to tighten. When I didn't say anything, Edward frowned at me. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing," I whispered. "Nothing at all. These are perfect."

Edward's stunning smile returned as he reached for the picnic basket. "I brought one of your favorites." He rummaged around for a few seconds in the basket and pulled out a strawberry covered in whip cream. He held it out to me. I reached for it, but he pulled it away slightly and shook his head. "Uh-uh. I want to feed you."

"Oh," I hesitated for a moment before leaning forward and opening my mouth. Edward gently put the fruit into my mouth. I bit down, letting the mixture of the sweet juice and cream glide over my tongue.

"You missed some," Edward said.

"Huh?"

"Right here." He reached forward and touched a spot on my chin where some of the juice had dribbled down. "I'll get it." He leaned forward and without warning, ran his tongue from my chin up to my mouth and when his lips reached mine, began feverishly kissing me. It was as incredible in my dreams as it was in real life. He pushed me down onto the blanket and rested himself on top of me, never breaking his mouth from mine. He tasted like strawberries, honey and sunshine. I felt like I could stay locked to his lips forever, here in this moment, with the sun warming my face, the delicious aroma of wildflowers making me dizzy and Edward's aroma making me drunk. I felt marvelous.

"Bella," Edward broke free from me so suddenly, it startled me. "I want to ask you something."

I felt lightheaded as he pulled me back into a sitting position. It took me a moment to register what was going on.

"Are you ok?" He teased.

"Yeah," I laughed lightly. "You just don't know the effect you have on me." I brought my hand to my head to try to stop it from spinning.

"Let me help." He brought his hands to my face and cupped them under my chin. "Better?"

"Yes," I grinned, resting my hands over his. "Now, you were saying?"

The spectacular smile returned to Edward's face. He hesitated for an instant before his mouth started moving again. His lips formed the words, but no sound came out.

"What? I can't hear you." As I said this, the sun set behind the mountains, casting a dark shadow over the meadow.

The smile still planted firmly on his face, Edward mouthed the same words, but still no sound.

"Edward, I can't hear what you're saying." I reached up to touch his face, but he pulled away from me. He fell backwards down on to the blanket, a confused look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I leaned forward towards him, but the confused look turned frightened and without a second glance towards me, he stood up, turned around and disappeared into the sunflowers.

"Edward!" I stood up to go after him, but I had no idea what direction he went in. Blindingly, I started running through the darkened meadow, calling out Edward's name, but the further I ran, the higher the flowers grew, and within seconds, I was completely lost. I didn't even know my way back to where the blanket was. I called out Edward's name desperately a few more times before giving up.

He was gone. And I had no idea why.

I woke up drenched in tears and sweat, clutching my pillow tightly. I hadn't even realized I was crying in my sleep. The pillow I was holding onto was soaked and cold, so I threw it onto the floor.

I laid in the dark and tried to make sense of my dream. What had turned out to be such an amazing escape from reality had turned into my worst nightmare. What did it mean?

Deep down, I knew that nightmare was telling me something. I felt in my entire being that I truly had lost Edward in some way.

I had to see him. I had to get back to that hospital.

* * *

**This wasn't the original chapter I had written. I felt like I was rushing the story too much, so I rewrote parts of it. That's why it took me a bit longer to get it done this time around. In the future, I'm also going to try to make the chapters longer. I feel like they're a bit short, but I'll work on it. :) Review if you like it, or don't like it! I always welcome constructive criticism. **


	5. Chapter Four: Crushed

**CHAPTER FOUR - CRUSHED**

Rushing to the hospital was useless. Nothing had changed. Edward was still unconscious, unresponsive. The doctors said there had been a few changes on his brain scan, but still nothing that would indicate why he was still asleep.

I heard the word "comatose" come out of one of the doctor's mouths when he was talking to a nurse. It scared me. I'd seen documentaries about people in comas. Sometimes they never woke up. Or sometimes they woke up, but were completely different people.

I wanted my Edward back. I wanted to rewind time to a week ago and keep Edward from leaving his apartment. I want to go back to a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, and not be such a pussy and just tell Edward how I felt. Then this never would have happened. That September day almost a week ago would have been just another day in our lives together. He wouldn't have been driving down that street, coming home from the florist; he wouldn't have been in that intersection when that asshole ran that red light.

I ran my fingers along the back of Edward's hand. The top of it was bruised purple and green from the nurses trying to get an IV into it. His veins kept collapsing so they ended up putting one in the crook of his opposite arm. The discoloration was in the shape of a lopsided heart. I traced around the edges of it absentmindedly as I scrutinized his face. I was afraid of forgetting what his eyes looked like. They way the green ocean inside of them would change depth depending on his moods and how when he would get excited, gold flecks would shoot through the jade and sparkle. His eyes were my favorite quality of his. I could stare into them forever. Right now, I just had to settle on staring at the back of his eyelids flutter and jump as he dreamed.

I put my hand under his and interlaced our fingers together. I leaned down and gingerly kissed the back of his hand. "I miss you," I whispered.

I heard the door open behind me. Alice walked in juggling several vases of flowers and balloons. "I don't get why people keep sending these," she complained. "He doesn't even know they're here and he _hates_ flowers." She set them down as carefully as she could on the windowsill, but still ended up knocking one of the vases over. Water and yellow daises spilled onto the floor.

"Shit!" Alice let go of the balloons and I watched the "Get well soon!" Mylars bounce across the ceiling. She yanked a handful of paper towels from the sink and tried to mop up the spilled water. "That doctor is gonna be so pissed if he sees this. He didn't want me bringing these in here at all!" She swiped the towels up the wall, soaking up the last of the moisture and tossed the soggy pile into the garbage can. She made a half-assed attempt and rearranging the daises in the vase before turning to me. She caught me watching her.

"You know, you could have at least grabbed the balloons instead of just sitting there gawking at me," she grumbled, catching the multicolored ribbons hanging from the ceiling.

"Sorry," I half smiled.

Alice grabbed the last balloon and tied the bouquet to one of the vases. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"You've been here all day, how can you not be hungry?" She put her hands on her hips in a mock attempt to look authoritative.

I shrugged. "I never feel hungry anymore."

"Well come on," she tugged on my arm. "I _am_ hungry, so come down to the cafeteria with me. Emmett and Rosalie are in the waiting room and wanna come in here anyway."

I squeezed Edward's hand one last time before releasing it and gently putting it back down on the bed. I stood up and stretched. "Oh geez!" I moaned.

"You haven't been out of that chair all day, have you?" Alice asked.

"No," I turned and popped my back. "Ugh, my shoulders are killing me."

"We need to get you a recliner in here," Alice joked. She walked behind me and massaged my shoulders as she pushed me out the door.

"Bella!" I walked into the waiting room and heard Rosalie squeal. I was tackled in a bear hug. "How are you?"

"Suffocated?" I gasped.

"Sorry!" She released me and held me at arm's length to asses me. "You've lost weight," she said disapprovingly.

Emmett pinched my side. "She was getting a bit of a muffin top anyway," he teased.

Rosalie smacked him. "You're such a dick!"

"You're one to talk, beer belly." I poked Emmett playfully in the stomach.

"Hey," he protested. "I'm proud of this gut." He patted his belly appreciatively.

"You guys wanna grab something to eat before you head in?" Alice interrupted our banter.

"No, we ate on the way here," Rosalie said.

"You want us to bring you back some coffee or something?" I offered.

"No, we're good," Emmett answered with a smile. "How's my little brother doing?"

I shrugged. "As good as yesterday. As good as last week."

Alice yanked on my arm. "Go see for yourself, Emmett. Come _on_, Bella, I'm starving."

"See you guys later," I called to Emmett and Rosalie as I was pulled into an elevator.

Alice and I made our way to the ground floor cafeteria. Alice ordered a turkey club, a bag of chips and a soda. Against my protests, she got me a bagel and orange juice.

"I'm not hungry," I insisted.

"Force it, you need to eat." She pushed me towards an empty table and sat the food down in front of me. To make her happy, I picked off a piece of the bagel and put it in my mouth. It was actually painful to chew and felt like sludge going down my throat. I sipped at the juice to help it down.

"What are you doing about work?" Alice asked suddenly.

"What?" Her question caught me off guard.

"Work. Do you even still have a job? You haven't been in for almost a week."

"I have a lot of vacation time banked up," I said. "I get two paid weeks a year and haven't used any of it since I started, so I have like…" I did the math mentally in my head. "Three months worth."

"They just let you take off that much time with no notice?"

"I explained what happened. My boss is really sweet. They had just hired a temp so they're just gonna keep her on a while longer until I'm ready to come back." Explaining this to Alice suddenly made me really tired.

"Dang," Alice took a bite of her sandwich. "You guys hiring?" She asked through chewing.

"Ha, no," I rested my head in the crook of my arm. This move brought my face closer to the bagel sitting uneaten on the table and the cinnamon-raisin smell made me gag. I pushed it away from my face in disgust. I caught the look Alice gave me in the corner in my peripheral vision and shut my eyes to block out her glare. I could tell she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet.

The next thing I knew, I was dreaming again. It was weird _knowing_ I was dreaming. I suppose I could have woken myself up, but I wanted to see where this subconscious adventure was taking me. And to make things even weirder, Alice's chattering about her job and "how much they sucked!" for not letting her take time off to "spend time with my brother in the fucking ICU for Christ's sake!!" was echoing in my head, bouncing off the walls of my brain, serving as background noise to my reverie. She must not have realized I had dozed off.

In this dream, I was standing on the street Edward and I grew up on. We lived four houses down from each other for the first eighteen years of our lives. I was in my parent's yard looking down towards Edward's parent's house. The leaves from the huge oak tree in the yard were falling around me in greens, reds and browns. I watched a cat streak across the street and bound into a neighbor's yard and heard a car backfire. Everything seemed normal. Why was my subconscious bringing me here?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward come walking rapidly out of his parent's house. He half jogged down the driveway and began walking briskly down the street in the opposite direction from where I was standing. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and a pair of large dark sunglasses covered his eyes. He glanced around nervously as he walked, as if he thought he was going to get caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

I couldn't help myself. I called out his name. He didn't even break his stride let alone acknowledge me.

"Hey, Edward!" I started running after him, but the closer I got to him, it seemed like the faster he walked. "Edward, wait!"

He shot me a small backwards glance as he reached the end of the street, and without a word, slipped through a large clump of hedges.

Even though I knew I was dreaming, the hedges freaked me out. They didn't belong there. I ran my hands along the leaves, hesitant to see what was on the other side of them. I called out Edward's name again.

"Come on, Bella!" He answered. He sound exasperated. I was both stunned and excited to hear him respond to me. Without another thought, I pushed through the bushes.

And I was falling; falling into an endless chasm of black. The air rushing past me sucked the breath out of my body and I couldn't even scream. I reached out for something, anything to catch me, but there was nothing. Emptiness, darkness, desperation.

The chair bouncing off the tile is what woke me up, not my body hitting the ground.

"Holy shit, Bella!" Alice rushed to my side to help me up. "Are you ok?!"

"Yeah," I gripped the table for support and pulled myself up. I could feel the stares from everyone in the cafeteria boring into my back. "Geez, what happened?"

"Well, you fell asleep," Alice picked the chair up and tucked it back under the table. "After a few minutes, you started making some whimpering noises, then you sort of flailed, and fell out of your chair."

I glanced over at the table and saw Alice's sandwich wrapper and half eaten bag of chips, next to my practically untouched bagel. "How long was I asleep for?"

"Not long. Maybe five, ten minutes," Alice picked up her tray and started walking towards the trashcan. She tossed the wrappers in and turned towards me. "Why don't you head home? Nothing is changing."

"I'm fine," I said, mimicking her and tossing my bagel and juice into the trash.

"Tell me your bed didn't feel amazing last night." She crossed her arms.

"Well, yeah, but Jesus, Alice, I slept for like a whole day. It's impossible for me to be tir—" My body betrayed me by letting out a huge yawn. I tried to stifle it, but I was caught.

"Go home," Alice said softly. "Honey, you can't spend your life here. It won't make him wake up any faster. Take care of you."

"Ugh," I dropped my arms to my sides in defeat. Alice was right. My camping out here wouldn't make Edward's eyes open any sooner. As much as I hated to leave again, I did need to think of myself. "Fine. Come with me to get my purse?"

"Sure," Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the elevators. After getting my bag and saying goodbye to everyone, I gave a kiss to Edward and headed home.

My plan was to curl up on my couch and watch a movie. I changed into my pajamas and tossed a pillow and blanket on the couch. Glancing through my movie collection, I decided on a comedy. That would probably be my best bet to give me an adequate distraction and not remind me of real life. I popped _American Pie_ in and stretched out on the couch, fidgeting until I was comfortable. Not ten minutes into the movie, I drifted to sleep again, this time, thankfully, into a deep dreamless sleep.

What felt like days later, I opened my eyes. Something had woken me up. The room was completely silent, the TV screen solid blue from my DVD player turning itself off. I glanced at the clock above my entertainment center. It was 5:00 am. Which meant I had slept for another… Eleven hours? How was that even possible? I wondered how much more rest my body and mind would need before I was back to normal.

A flashing in the corner of my vision caught my attention.

My phone.

Oh God, what did I miss?

I hurriedly snatched the phone up and flipped it open. Nine missed calls: five from Alice, three from Emmett and one from Carlisle, and two new voicemails.

The first one was from Alice:

"_Bella? BELLA? What the hell are you doing? Why aren't you answering your phone? We think Edward is waking up. CALL ME BACK."_

The second one was from Carlisle:

"_Bella, sweetie, it's Carlisle. I have some amazing news for you! Edward is awake! He's talking and seems to be fine!! Get back down here as soon as you can!!"_

For a split second, I was angry. I practically _lived_ at that hospital, and he wakes up when I leave?

But it only took another second for the realization that _Edward was awake_. This awareness hit me so violently, it knocked me onto my back.

My phone vibrating in my hand scared me half to death. It was Alice.

"Alice?!"

"Bella? Christ, Bella, I thought something had happened to you! Did you get my message?"

"He's awake? Oh my God, Alice, how is he? I can't believe that I spend days on end there and when I decide to go home to rest, he wakes up! You know I wanted to be there when his eyes opened and you told me to go home! I had no problem sleeping in that folding chair in the room and you knew that! Damnit, if I would have just stayed there a few more hours then—"

"Bella!" Alice interrupted me.

I hadn't realized how much I was babbling.

"Are you done?" She sounded a little annoyed, but I could hear the excitement creeping into the edge of her voice.

"Yeah, sorry, This is a lot to take in." I felt almost lightheaded with giddiness. "Has he asked about me yet?"

Alice paused. "Oh. Well, no. But he's a little overwhelmed with everything. He's really freaked out and scared, but he really seems like he's going to be ok!"

I hopped off the couch, almost falling on my face. "I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"Be careful," Alice warned playfully. She must have heard me practically knock my coffee table over catching myself. "I don't want to have to deal with you being in the hospital too cause you hurt yourself trying to get down here too fast. He's not going anywhere."

I smiled. Really smiled for the first time since Edward told me he was in love with me. "Ok, I will. See you soon!"

I flipped my phone shut and got dressed as quickly as possible. On my way out the door, the bouquet of roses Edward had bought me caught the corner of my eye. The vase was sitting in the middle of my dining room table with the card propped up in front of it. It amazed me how beautiful they still were after almost a week. Every one of them had bloomed into a full, fat flower; not one of them had even begun wilting. I stopped to smell them before I left. The scent was delicious and dizzying. I inhaled the sweet perfume a few more times before excitedly bounding out the door.

The drive to the hospital took way longer then it should have. I hit every red light and the traffic was terrible. I was temped to just park and just walk the rest of the way there, but I eventually crawled my way to the hospital parking lot.

When I was finally able to make it to the ICU floor, I had to sit for a minute to catch my breath. There were absolutely no parking spots available, so I had to use a metered space all the way out on the street. After digging frantically through my seats for spare quarters for the meter and running all the way up to the hospital, the elevator was taking way too long for my liking, so I took the four flights of stairs two at a time.

I was starting to feel dizzy, so I put my head between my knees until I could regain a normal heart rate.

"Bella!" I felt a tapping on my shoulder. "Are you ok?"

I snapped my head up. Emmett was towering over me, with what must have been a Big Gulp sized coffee in his hand.

"Yeah, I'm just catching my breath." I could feel my pulse starting to slow, so I stood up. "How is he?" The huge smile on my face must have been contagious because an identical one spread across Emmett's face.

"He's ok!" He rubbed my arm soothingly. "He really is going to be great!"

"Well, come on!" I started towards the hallway where Edward's room was.

"Bella, hold on," Emmett pulled me back. "There are still only three people allowed in the room at once. My parents and Jasper are in there now."

"She can take my place," I heard Edward's best friend's deep voice coming from around the corner. He appeared a second later. "I have to get back to work." He shot me a warm smile. "Bella, good to see you again."

"You too," I smiled back at him politely, but inside I was dying to just run right past him to Edward's room. I suppressed the feeling; I didn't want to be rude.

"See you guys later," he called over his shoulder, waving. He disappeared into an elevator.

Emmett looked over at me and grinned. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

I practically bounded down the hallway and stopped short at Edward's room. I was suddenly feeling nervous. I cracked the door open and peeked in. Esme was sitting in the corner of the room, chatting excitedly on the room phone, one hand stretched out to hold Edward's on the bed. Carlisle was on the other side of the bed, leaned against the wall, talking softly to Edward.

And Edward. He was awake. Sitting up, his full lips moving in response to something Carlisle had said, his green eyes tired, but open. I didn't even see the machines still hooked up to him, the bandages, the cuts or the bruises.

I just saw Edward.

Carlisle spotted me in the doorway and motioned for me to come in. "Hey," he called softly. "Look who's up." He smiled.

Edward looked at me in the doorway and smiled hesitantly. "Hi." His voice was husky from what I'm guessing was the breathing tube irritating his throat.

His voice was all it took. Within seconds, I was across the room, wrapping my arms around him, sobbing into his chest. I expected to feel his arms close around me too, but I actually felt the light blanket on top of him pull taut. I glanced up at him.

He was leaning away from me slightly, a confused look on his face, his arms pulled up against his sides.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I reached up to stroke his face. He flinched away from me. "What is it?" I sensed something was off and stood up.

Edward looked from me to Carlisle and back again before saying the words that literally ripped my heart out of my chest.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?"

* * *

**I kinda felt like dragging out Edward waking up a bit more, but _I _was getting anxious, lol. A lot of this was originally chapter three, so things got shifted around a lot and I hope it all flows well. Lemme know what you all think! Reviews are love. :)**


	6. Chapter Five: Reality Check

**CHAPTER FIVE – REALITY CHECK**

It had been a week since Edward had woken up, and I hadn't left my apartment. I spent most of my time crying and wandering aimlessly from room to room. I took care of myself of course, eating, bathing and sleeping when I needed to, but I had no real acknowledgment of time passing. I counted the days only by the sunrises I could see outside my bedroom window.

It was just a good thing I had so much vacation time at work. I could barely bring myself to brush my hair, let alone actually be a productive member of society.

I did my best to ignore the pile of shattered glass lying below the jagged hole in my dining room wall. I felt bad for throwing the vase of roses Edward had bought me, I really did. It was a temporary moment of insanity. I did try fish the half mangled flowers out of the shards of glass afterwards, feeling guilty. I was able to salvage two of them and hung them upside down on my bookcase so they'd keep their shape. The rest of them were shredded. I left the rest of the mess there, telling myself I would clean it later. Days went by, the dirty water dried into an ugly tan stain on my linoleum and the rose petals shriveled up and died. The only thing I really focused on was how I was going to fix the foot long gash in my wall. I didn't care enough about the rest of it to do anything about it.

Oddly enough, the card he'd written me was something I treasured. I read it a hundred times a day. I slept with it under my pillow. I clutched it as I wandered around my apartment. It never left my possession. It was all I had left. It was all I had to remind me of what I had and let me imagine what could have been. It was what was keeping me from losing my mind.

Alice had stopped calling me after the first three days. I hadn't answered any of her calls, but she was tireless with the voicemails and text messages. I didn't read or listen to any of them. I didn't even pick my phone up off the charger. I was sure by now my mailbox had to be full. I still got a phone call now and then from a worried Emmett or Esme, or my mother, who I'm sure had been talking to Edward's parents.

This particular day, I had spent hours laying on my couch, staring at the ceiling, replaying the day Edward woke up in my head over and over again.

"_He seems to be affected by something called Lacunar Amnesia." The doctor leafed through a couple of pages on his clipboard as he explained. "His memory seems to be fine, except for one specific detail—"_

"_Me," I had interrupted. _

_The doctor gave me a sympathetic nod as he continued. "It seems that when he hit his head in the accident, the impact caused a chemical reaction in his brain to be blocked, effectively erasing you from his memory completely." He paused as he flipped a few more pages on his clipboard. "We don't have a lot of literature on the disorder, unfortunately, so I can't give you a whole lot of information about it. It's a rare occurrence."_

"_Is it reversible?" My voice barely came out as a whisper. I really wasn't even completely in the moment. I just kept getting plowed over and over again and I wasn't sure how much more my body and mind could take. _

"_It is, but that all depends on him. Because we don't have a lot of cases to base his off of, I can't give you a definitive answer. He may recover his memory, he may not." He sighed. "The only advice I can give you is the same advice I give families of all amnesiacs. Surround him with familiar things, more specifically, with things that remind him of you." He directed his explanation back at me. "Talk to him about past memories you shared together, show him pictures, home videos, whatever you can come up with."_

They had run a battery of tests on him, every neurological test they could come up with, and he was completely fine besides the fact that he couldn't remember me.

There was nothing left. The twenty years we had spent together, every memory, every thought, every feeling was gone.

Edward had acknowledged what was going on and understood that we shared some sort of history together, but had no idea who I was. He wouldn't stop apologizing to me that first day… He could see how upset I was and wanted to make it better, which was classic Edward.

"_Isabella, I'm really sorry, I mean, I'm trying so hard—"_

"_It's Bella," I reminded him for the fifteenth time that day. _

"_Sorry, Bella," I could tell he didn't feel comfortable using a nickname for me when technically he had only known me a few hours. "I believe you, I do, but I really don't know what else to do."_

"_Don't worry about it," I said. It was killing me to talk to him like this, but I couldn't be mad at him. This wasn't his fault. "When Alice gets here with the photo albums, we'll see what happens." _

The photo albums hadn't helped at all. I think they actually freaked Edward out even more, because his condition was really becoming a reality for him seeing all the pictures of us together when he had no memory of us ever even spending any time together.

That's when I had left the hospital. I'd excused myself, saying I was going to go to the bathroom, but went home. I knew Alice wouldn't have let me leave, but I couldn't take any more. I was so mentally drained from everything that had been happening in the past week that I just couldn't be around it anymore.

A banging on my front door broke me out of my reverie.

"Bella, open up, it's Alice!!" She pounded on the door a few more times. "I'm worried about you, open the door!"

Alice really was the last person I wanted to see. I actually had wondered how long I would have until she came to my apartment trying to stage an intervention. I briefly speculated if she had anyone else with her. I contemplated ignoring her, but she was the type of person who would beat my door off its hinges and get the cops called on her by one of the neighbors. I felt like I was in a lose-lose situation so I reluctantly heaved myself off the couch, wrapping my blanket around my body as I padded to the door. I opened it without a second glance at Alice and walked back towards the couch.

"Bella, this is ridiculous," I heard her shut the door behind me.

I repositioned myself in the same way I had been laying when she showed up, staring at the ceiling and ignored her comment.

"I'm serious, you need to knock this shit off." She was mad, really mad. I couldn't remember the last time I had heard her use that tone of voice. I glanced over at her, still standing by the door, her arms crossed defensively in front of her.

"Knock what shit off." I didn't even have the energy to make the words into a question. The statement came out flat, uncaring.

"This!" She motioned around my dirty apartment. "Look at this place, look at you!" She was referring to the stacks of dirty plates in the sink, the empty coffee cups and soda cans strewn around the living room, the unread mail piled behind the door. She stalked towards the back sliding door and threw the blinds open. "When was the last time you saw sunlight?"

I shielded my eyes from the searing brightness burning into my retinas. "Ow, Alice, geez."

"Exactly!! You need to get up, get dressed, go… Do something! You can't lay around here for the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself!"

That comment caught my attention. "Feeling sorry for myself?" Now _I _was angry. "You think I'm _feeling sorry for myself!_?" I sat up. "Yeah, you have every right in the world to judge me, Alice. 'Cause you've been through this before, right? Please, tell me how I'm _supposed_ to act. Should I be thankful he's alive?"

Alice looked startled. "Well, yeah, I—"

"I am," I interrupted her. "But you have _no_ fucking idea what I'm going through right now, so I'd appreciate you maybe supporting me and helping me, instead of telling me how you think I should act. Not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my best friend!" I'd said more in the past five minutes then in the past week combined. I stared at her expectantly.

She looked flustered. Clearly, she wasn't expecting this sort of outburst from me. "Look," she started. She came over to the couch and sat down next to me. "Of course I can't say I know what you're going through, but you can't stay locked up in your apartment forever." She put her hand on my knee. "Remember what the doctor said? You need to spend time with him. Talk to him."

"I'm sure he's doing fine without me."

Alice sighed. "Stop," she said softly. "He _isn't_ doing fine without you." She looked down at her hands. "He feels terrible about what's going on with you."

I looked wearily at her. I found that hard to believe. He didn't even know who I was.

"I'm serious, he feels awful."

Well, that sounded a lot like Edward. He always felt guilty about things that weren't even his fault. It was nice to know his personality traits survived the accident.

I sighed. "What do you want me to do?"

"I know you have tons more pictures then we have," a huge smile brightened her face. "You still have all those home videos I shot too, right? I was looking high and low for them at home the other day, but I remembered I gave them to you a few years ago…" She clapped once. "Oh! You have those scrapbooks, too don't you?"

I couldn't help but smile at her. As annoying as Alice could be sometimes, her enthusiasm was contagious. "Alice, why does this matter so much to you, anyway? Your life isn't affected by this. He remembers all of you guys. To you, it can be like the accident never happened."

"Bella," her face was serious again. "You know I've always thought of you as a member of our family. I've always considered you the sister I never had. And in a way, I always knew what was going on in both of your heads," she smiled. "I knew you two would end up together someday. This is just a hiccup. I'm positive things will work out for you two. Fight for him, Bella!"

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. About everything. I couldn't sit around and mope forever. I needed to make things happen for myself. And the first step was to dig out the old scrapbooks and home videos of me and Edward.

"Ok," My resolve melted and I stood up. Alice followed. "Come find my scrapbooks and stuff when I take a shower."

Alice clapped and started hopping up and down excitedly. "Oh, Bella! I know things are going to work out, I just know it!" She pulled me down the hallway. "Now, tell me where they are and I'll get everything ready to go!"

"Back of the closet, you have your work cut out for you," I opened the door to my massive walk in closet and pointed at the pile of cardboard boxes piled against the back wall. "Back there. Have fun!"

"Jesus, do you keep everything?" She walked into the closet, her eyes wide. "You didn't even label these? Where am I even supposed to start? My God, you're worse then—" I shut the bathroom door, cutting her off. She wanted my scrapbooks and home videos? She was gonna have to work to get them.

I took my time in the shower. Part of me was dying to see Edward again, but another part of me was dreading it. I didn't really know how to _handle_ seeing him again. Every part of me ached to hold him, hug him, kiss him, touch him. But I couldn't do that. I had to pretend like nothing had ever happened between us, and that killed me.

But I had to do _something_. Sitting around my apartment "feeling sorry for myself" as Alice had put it wasn't going to accomplish anything.

After my shower, I came out of the bathroom to find Alice sitting cross-legged on my floor, surrounded by photo albums, nose deep in a fat blue one. "What are you doing?" I asked her, pulling the towel out of my hair.

"These are from that trip we took down to San Diego!" She scrambled up, almost dropping the photo album in the process. "Remember? When we were kids?"

"How could I forget?" I laughed. "Emmett almost falling into the elephant enclosure at the zoo?"

"Look at how cute you two were!" Alice shoved the album in my face, pointing at a picture of me and Edward when we were thirteen throwing bread into a duck pond. We were sitting on a bench, with my legs resting over Edward's half a slice of bread in each of our hands. We were both laughing at an overzealous duck trying to steal the bread out of Edward's hand.

"Yeah," I could feel tears welling behind my eyes. "We were cute, weren't we?" I turned and walked towards the closet before Alice could see my reaction.

"Oh, Bella, I didn't mean to upset you." I could hear her walk up behind me.

"I'm fine!" I pulled a pair of jeans and a green sweater out of a pile on the floor, hoping they were clean. I snapped them in the air a few times to shake out the wrinkles. "I better get used to this right?"

I felt Alice hug me from behind. "It's going to work out. I know it," she whispered.

"I'm fine," I repeated. "You're gonna make me lose my towel." I shrugged out of her arms and readjusted the towel wrapped around my body.

I heard Alice sigh behind me as I walked back into the bathroom. I took as long as possible getting ready, blow drying each section of my hair separately and applying my makeup as precisely as possible. Once I was dressed, I realized I was out of ways to waste time, so I reluctantly walked out of the bathroom. "I'm ready."

Alice hopped off my bed where she was looking through another photo album. "Ok, let's go." Her excitement was visibly subdued; I felt guilty.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I walked over to her and wrapped her into another hug. "I don't mean to take out my frustration on you. It's just… Hard, you know?"

"I know," she returned the hug hesitantly but changed the subject. "I've got everything on your bed. I'll come home with you and put everything else away later if you want. I didn't mean to make such a mess." She motioned at the half empty boxes still sitting strewn around the bed.

"It's fine, I'll take care of it." I peeked into a box of tapes sitting on my pillow. "Where are we even gonna get a VCR to watch these?"

"Oh," Alice picked up a pile of scrapbooks. "I'm not sure. Edward might have one."

She still seemed agitated with me, so I didn't really press the issue. We'd figure it out later. Between the two of us, we were able to get everything down to her car in two trips. Alice didn't say a word the entire time, which was really unlike her. She still seemed upset with me once we got on the road, so I stared out the side window as she drove and let my mind wander. I had no idea what I was going to say to Edward when I saw him, and tried to come up with something that didn't seem too desperate or pathetic or depressing. It was hard for me to get my thoughts organized enough to come up with anything. I was hoping Alice would do all the talking, like she usually did, and I could settle on sitting in the corner trying not to look to out of place. I thought my being there was support enough; I was hoping she wouldn't expect me to do too much in the way of conversation. I figured I would have a good fifteen to twenty minutes to try to get my mind in order, but after what seemed like a very short amount of time, Alice's voice broke into my thoughts.

"We're here."

"Oh." I looked out the windshield and noticed that we were at Edward's apartment. "He went home? How long ago did that happen?"

"Yesterday. Maybe if you would have answered your phone or checked your messages you would have known that." Her response was clipped. She got out of the car and slammed the door a little harder then I felt was necessary and opened the trunk. I sighed before following her.

"Look, I said I was sorry," I walked up behind her as she dug through in the trunk, trying to organize the mess the albums had made sliding around on the ride here. "Don't make this harder on me."

"Bella, stop acting so fucking selfish," she spun around quickly, her arms crossed. Her voice was quavering. "Stop acting like you're the only one this is affecting, ok? It's hard on all of us. You think just because he doesn't remember you that you're the only one who is hurting here. I've been trying to be there for you, trying to be your friend and all you've been doing is pushing me away."

"I didn't mean—"

"Just stop, ok? The rest of us are dealing with it, you need to deal with it too. Edward wants to work this out, he _wants _to fix it, so do _your_ part and be there for him. He knows what's happening, he knows you're significant, and wants to remember you. You'd know all this if you hadn't locked yourself in your apartment for the past week and ignored all of our calls. We all get it, this sucks for you, but you need to do what it takes to try to fix this and not depend on all of us to do it for you, ok?"

I just stared at her. I was speechless. I hadn't expected any of that to come out of her mouth and to be honest, it made me feel even more guilty. She was right. I was pushing everyone away, including Edward. As hard as this was going to be for me, I needed to put my feelings aside and do what needed to be done. I needed to fight for Edward, I needed to be there for him and I needed to help him.

"Ok," I pulled at my hair trying to figure out what to say. "I really am sorry about everything. I'll be there for you guys, especially Edward. We'll do this together from now on." I forced a smile onto my face and made a move to give Alice another hug, hoping she wouldn't shy away from me.

A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth before she wrapped her arms around me. "Thank you, we're in this together now, right?"

"Yes." I pulled away from her and reached into the trunk for a pile of photo albums. "So, what should we take up first?"

"You grab the videos, I'll get the photo albums. We'll start with those, then come back down for the scrapbooks if he's feeling up for it." Alice teetered a pile of albums on the top of her car before slamming the trunk. She looked over at me. "Are you ready?"

I hesitated before planting the smile back onto my face. "As ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."

* * *

**Edward the amnesiac is coming, I promise. :) I know some of you are wanting some Edward/Bella interaction, and I promise there's tons in the next chapter. **

**I did as much research as possible on Edward's condition. Such a thing does exist but as Edward's doctor said, there's not a lot of research on it, so I couldn't really go too much into exactly what the hell was going on inside his head. Credit to wikipedia for giving me the small amount of info I do have on this condition.**

**Let me know what you guys think. I love all of your reviews and I appreciate them all so much. Feedback is welcome!! Anything you guys want to see happen?  
**


	7. Chapter Six: Retrospect

**CHAPTER SIX – RETROSPECT **

"_Edward, stop!!" I squealed, trying to push him away from me. This feat was next to impossible as he had me wrapped in an inescapable bear hug. "Don't do—"_

_I was cut off as he dunked me under the water again. I came up sputtering and smacking his arms. "Let go!"_

"_Ok, fine," he released me and swam a few feet away. "You're such a baby sometimes." _

"_I am _not _a baby!" I splashed him. _

"_You did not just do that." Edward turned back towards me. _

"_I think I did." I splashed him again. _

"_You're gonna pay for that, Swan," Edward growled. He started swimming back towards me. I shrieked in fake terror and climbed out of the pool. Edward followed and started chasing me around the deck. _

"_Ready to get dunked some more, Belly-Bean?" I heard him gaining on me. _

"_Never!" I tried to make a leap over the bottom of the slide, but my foot caught on the edge and I sprawled onto the deck elbow first. _

"_Bella!! Are you ok?!" I heard Alice call from behind the camera. _

_I had tried to look strong, knowing Alice would catch all of this on tape, but my tears overflowed as I saw the gash on my elbow start to bleed. Edward rushed over to me and grabbed my arm. "Oh my God, are you alright?"_

"_Yeah, I'll be fine," I sniffed. I wiped under my eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry." _

"_You're apologizing for crying?" Edward reached up and wiped a stray tear off my cheek. I blushed. _

"_No," I tried my hardest not to look up into Edward's face. "I'm apologizing for bleeding on your parent's deck."_

"_Oh!" Edward grabbed a towel off a nearby lawn chair and tried to staunch the bleeding. "Here, lemme help you up. Let's go inside and get it cleaned up."_

"_I'll help you! Hold on!" I heard Alice call. _

The TV went black.

"Dang, how old were you guys there?" Alice asked.

"Umm," I was still a little lost in what we just watched. I had to think for a minute. "Like fourteen? I think." I glanced over at Edward. He had a look on his face that was a mixture of sadness, shock and embarrassment.

"Hey big brother, you ok?" Alice smacked his good leg. His other leg was wrapped in a big white cast, covered in Sharpie doodles and well wishes.

"Oh, yeah," Edward broke out of the trance he was in. "Sorry. That was… Weird." His hands went to his hair out of habit, but the gauze bandage still wrapped around his forehead stopped him.

Alice turned back towards me. "Did that scar? That was brutal." Despite the words that came out of her mouth, she laughed.

"Haha, yeah it's hilarious." I pulled the left arm of my sweater up and pointed at an inch long scar on the outside of my elbow.

"Damn!" Alice grabbed my arm to examine the scar more closely. She practically yanked me down the couch to show it to Edward. "Ring any bells?"

Edward looked uncomfortable. "No, sorry." He exhaled and reached for his crutches.

"Hey, hey!" Alice pushed lightly on his chest. "What do you need?"

"I was gonna get a soda." The look on his face made it clear he was looking for an excuse to escape for a few minutes.

"I'll get it for you!" Alice hopped up and disappeared into the kitchen.

There was a couple seconds of uncomfortable silence. I broke it by sliding onto the floor and rustling through the box of tapes. "What do you wanna watch next? Disneyland? Washington DC trip? Fun with new trampoline?"

I heard Edward take a few deep breaths behind me. "Bella?"

I braced myself before turning around and looking at him. "What's up?" I tried to make my voice sound cheerful, but it came out sounding strangled.

He hesitated. "I'm sorry—"

"Edward," I interrupted him. "Please, stop apologizing. This isn't your fault."

"I'm trying, I really am," he said. "Everyone has told me how special you are, and I want to feel the same way. I'm doing my best." He shifted to lean towards me, then winced in pain.

"Hey," I stood up to come sit next to him. "Don't you worry about anything but recovering. You stressing out about this situation with me isn't going to help. You have a lot of bones to heal." I tapped his cast.

"You know, you haven't signed it yet," he smiled a little sheepishly, changing the subject. He went to reach for a Sharpie sitting on the coffee table. "Owww." He stopped short and grabbed his side.

"Stop it." I made a move to push on his shoulder, to motion him back into the position he was in, but decided against it. Talking to him and spending time with him was one thing but physical contact with him was out of the question. I could practically feel the electricity pulsing between my fingers and his shoulder and I wasn't even touching him. He noticed my hesitation and sat back on his own.

I grabbed the Sharpie off the table and uncapped it. I leaned over his leg, contemplating for a second what to write. I wanted to scribble a novel on his cast, telling him how much I missed him, how much I wanted to feel his lips on mine, how much I _needed_ him. But I opted for sanity and settled on a more simple "Pay more attention when you're driving, and get well soon!" I decided against the "Love, Bella" and just signed "Bella."

He glanced down and read the upside down words. "Very funny."

I recapped the Sharpie and tossed it back on the table. "I try."

Alice came back into the living room then, staggering under a tray of sodas, chips and salsa, chocolate chip cookies and Cheez-Its. She wobbled over to the coffee table and set it down.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long," I said, scooting back over to my side of the couch. I caught Edward give me a slightly hurt look out of the corner of my eye. I tried my best to ignore it. "Did you bring the whole damn kitchen?"

Alice plopped back down between us. "We needed snacks!" She exclaimed, popping a chip into her mouth. She rubbed her hands together. "Ok, what's next?"

"Just curious," I interjected. "Who cleaned _that_ up?" I pointed at a discolored spot on the carpet; the place where I emptied the entire contents of my stomach a couple weeks before.

"Oh, I did." Alice faked a gagging noise. "If you would check your messages, you'd see that one of them was me asking you to come do it yourself. Disgusting. You know how hard dried vomit is to get out of carpet?"

"Yeah, I meant to ask you what that was. Why was there dried vomit on my carpet?" Edward asked, a sickened tone to his voice.

Neither me nor Alice spoke. I could feel Alice's eyes on my face. "You didn't tell him?" I whispered.

"Well, no," Alice shifted.

Edward could sense the subject matter had taken a darker turn. "You don't have to—"

"I threw up on it," I said, cutting him off. "I was here when I found out about your accident and that was my reaction."

"Oh." Edward looked uncomfortable again.

After a few minutes of silence, Edward leaned forward to grab a soda and the quiet was broken by the whimpering noise he made when his broken ribs protested.

"Edward, geez!" Alice put the soda in his hand and gently pushed him back onto the couch. "It's ok to ask!" She scooted the tray closer to him so he wouldn't have to strain to reach the snacks.

"So!" I slid back down onto the floor trying to make my voice sound enthusiastic. "Which video is next?"

Alice dropped down next to me and began digging through the tapes. "Oh! This should be good. Wizard of Oz!" She popped a tape into the VCR and hit play. The image of several dozen fourth graders popped up on the screen, slightly fuzzy at first, but focused after a few seconds.

"Oh my God," I started cracking up.

"What?" Edward frowned.

"Do you not remember this?" I asked between giggles. "You were a munchkin!"

"Vaguely…" Edward focused on the TV and his face drained a bit when whoever was behind the camera zoomed in on him. At first he was just singing "Lollipop Guild," his cheeks rosy and his hair twisted up into a little horn in the front of his head. When the munchkins started filing across the stage, my giggles turned into hysterics. He shuffled across the stage on his knees, almost falling and catching himself a few times, still singing and clutching a lollipop almost as big as his head.

"Well, where are you?" Edward complained. "You're not a munchkin?"

I broke into another fit of giggles when Edward started kicking his knees up, which were supposed to be his feet, and switched his lollipop from shoulder to shoulder.

"This isn't funny," Edward pouted, but I could see a smile threatening to pull up the corners of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," I stifled another laugh. "I'm done, I promise."

We all watched as I, as the Wicked Witch of the West, stalked Dorothy around Oz, pining for her ruby shoes. When Edward made a reappearance as a flying monkey, I had to put my fist in my mouth to keep from cracking up again.

"Oh come on!" Edward laughed. "I swear I don't remember this!"

Alice was practically on the floor in hysterics at this point, and Edward felt everyone had enough laughter at his expense, so he picked up the remote off the couch and pressed stop. "Ok, ok, that's enough. Next tape."

Alice sat up and wiped the tears out of her eyes. "Wow, I had forgotten how funny that was." She hopped back onto the couch. "What's next? We have lots of photo albums."

We spent the next hour flipping through hundreds of pictures, reminiscing about elementary school, middle school, field trips, assemblies and summer breaks… At least, Alice and I did. Edward stayed strangely quiet.

"You remember this, Eddie?" Alice moved the photo album gently onto his lap. We were looking at a set of pictures from a road trip we took with Edward's parents to New York.

Edward stayed quiet as he surveyed the pictures. He was staring intently at one of the two of us sitting in the back seat of the minivan giving each other bunny ears.

"What is it?" Alice asked softly.

"It's just, I remember this trip," he said. "But parts of it are fuzzy. I can't bring parts of it up." He flipped the page and looked at a picture of me, him, Alice and Emmett on top of the Empire State Building. "Like, I remember going up here," he pointed at the picture. "But I don't remember taking this."

Now it was my turn to stay quiet. He remembered everything but what involved me. I felt both Edward and Alice's gaze on me as I picked at my nails, trying to pretend like my stomach didn't feel like it was turning inside out. Twenty minutes ago, it _almost_ felt like normal, but now I was crashing again. I was getting really tired of this emotional rollercoaster I was on. It was way too easy to fall back into how it felt before _it _happened. Every time I was thrown back into reality, it hit me just as hard as the time before.

"Hey, um, I have to work early tomorrow, so let's cut this short," Alice chimed in, closing the photo album. "Bella, you want me to take you home?"

Sometimes I felt like Alice could read my mind. I wanted nothing more at that moment then to get the hell out of that apartment. I felt like I was being suffocated. "Sure," I said standing up. I continued to try to act normal, but I couldn't hide the fact my eyes were filling with tears or that my hands had started shaking. "Um, you want me to leave these here?" I directed my question in Edward's direction but avoided looking at him. I kept my gaze down at the table where the albums were.

"If you want," Edward said quietly.

"Yeah," I turned around so Edward couldn't see the hot tears spilling onto my cheeks. "I'll just come get them later." As I walked towards the door, I called behind me, "This was fun, I need some fresh air, I'll wait for you outside, Alice."

I thought that I was being rude by rushing out the door the way I did, but I felt like if I was in that room any longer I was going to scream. I pushed through the front door, pulling it shut behind me. I leaned my head back on the stucco wall and let the sobs escape my body. I brought my hands to my face to try to stifle the choking sounds coming out of my mouth and when I did, I realized Edward's front door must have popped back open, because I could hear the two of them talking softly. I tried my best to stay quiet and listened.

"Goddamnit, Alice, I feel fucking awful." He paused. "What if I just pretended?"

"You can't do that," Alice said. "Trust me, what you two have is way too special. You can't fake something like that."

"What the hell am I supposed to do then? I hate hurting her like this. I can't even be in the same room with her without this happening. It's breaking my heart seeing what I'm doing to her!"

"We just have to keep trying," Alice's voice dropped to a whisper and I could barely make out what she was saying. "We're all she has Edward. She rarely talks to her parents and she has no brothers or sisters. We're her family. This has to work out."

"I'm doing all I can," Edward whispered harshly. "My brain hurts from how fucking hard I'm trying! Seriously, Alice, my head is _pounding_ right now! What else do you want me to do?"

"Don't get pissed off at me," Alice's voice raised back to a normal volume. "This is nobody's fault, _especially_ not mine."

"Alice, I don't know what to do!" His voice sounded muffled; I figured he had his head in his hands. "I don't know how long I can handle doing this to her."

"Well, it's not going to get any easier, but there's no choice here," Alice said. "She's one of _my _best friends. We can't cut her out of our life because of this, as easy as that might be for _you._"

"You think that would be easy?" Edward's voice raised slightly. "All you guys have been doing the past two weeks is beating into my brain how special she is. 'Edward, you have to remember her. Edward, try harder, Edward, this is killing her.' I _know _what this is doing to her but you have to understand that I can't make my brain work differently. Alice, I'm _trying._ I'm trying harder then I've ever tried to do anything. It's just not working."

"We probably just need more time." Alice said. I could tell she was starting to get frustrated with the conversation. "It's only been a couple of weeks. We can't give up yet." I heard her get up off the couch. "I'm going to take her home and come back to help you clean up, so don't move until I get back. If I come back and you're lying on the floor with your other leg broken, I'm not gonna feel sorry for you."

"Yeah, fine." I could hear the anger seething in Edward's voice.

By this point, I had slid down the wall and was sitting bunched into a ball on the cold concrete. I heard Alice come out. "Here's your purse," she said, tapping my arm.

I quickly wiped my eyes and took my bag from her hand. "Thanks."

"You ok?"

"No."

She leaned over and helped me up. "I know." She pulled me into a hug. She didn't lecture me again, like I expected her to. She didn't try to make me feel better. She didn't try to calm me down. She just held me and let me cry into her shoulder.

"I want him back," I sobbed into her shoulder.

She rubbed soothing circles into my back. "I know," she said again. "Come on, lemme take you home."

The ride home was quiet except for my occasional sniffles. When Alice pulled her car up to my apartment, she turned to me. "You need me to come up?" She asked.

"No," I wiped my sleeve under my eyes. "I know you need to go back to him. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" She grabbed my hand. "I'm here for you, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I managed a small smile. "Get back to his place before he hurts himself trying to clean up."

Alice smiled back at me. She gave my hand a small squeeze. "Call me if you need anything, ok?"

"I will."

I managed to get myself up into my apartment and into my bed before my next bout of crying started. As I wept into my pillow, I wondered how long I was going to have to feel like this. How much longer would it be before he remembered me? What if it never happened? What if I was erased from his memory for good? I couldn't imagine this feeling ever going away; this feeling of emptiness, loneliness, desperation.

I hadn't realized how much I depended on Edward until he was taken away from me. Usually when I felt like this I would call him to make me feel better. Or I would go to his house and lay my head in his lap and he would give me a head massage and tell me whatever guy/work problem/traffic incident that had pissed me off wasn't worth getting so upset over. He was always there for me, always there to make me laugh and help me to forget about real life. He was my rock, my best friend, my confidante.

And he was gone.

I never felt so alone in my entire life.

* * *

**So what do you all think of amnesiac-Edward? Re-reading it, I think he's sweet. :) Let me know what you all think!! I love seeing reviews in my inbox. And let me know if there's anything any of you want to see happen! I haven't written past this, so I'll definitely take any suggestions into account. :)**


	8. Chapter Seven: Distraction

**CHAPTER SEVEN - DISTRACTION**

There were a lot of little stucco dots on my ceiling. You know, those little white puffy-dot-things builders put on the ceiling that really seem to serve no purpose at all? Maybe to add texture to the room… The four walls surrounding me were flat white so maybe the ceiling being flat would be too much… Flat-ness? I don't know, I just knew there were a lot of them. I had counted 2,734 of them when my phone beeping at me startled me out of my focus.

"Damnit!!" I had been counting those dots since the sun came up. Now I'd have to start all over again.

I glanced over at my phone and saw my message light flashing. I picked it up and looked at the display. It was my friend, Jessica:

_Hey girl, just wanted to see how you were. I haven't heard from you in a while, but I understand. I've talked to Alice a few times so I know what's going on. I'm working til 6 today but if you wanna get away and have dinner or something, lemme know. Love you!_

Oh, Jessica. I had purposely been avoiding her. Not that I didn't believe that she genuinely cared about how I was feeling, she was just a bit of a gossip. Well, bit of a gossip was a vast understatement. She had to know everything about everyone. She was the go-to girl for information. I'm sure she wanted to have dinner with me to get every detail about what was happening between me and Edward. Just the thought of having to go through the story _again_ made my head hurt. But I was trying to be less anti-social, so I typed back a quick noncommittal response:

_I'm doing alright, I guess. I haven't really felt like being social lately but call me when you get off. If I'm up for it, we can do something._

With the way I was feeling at the moment, I probably would just ignore her call when it came later, and that was terrible of me, but I really couldn't bring myself to care.

I flopped back down on my bed and began to stare at the ceiling again.

Twenty stucco dots in, I realized that I was on the verge of losing my mind.

_Are you really counting dots on your fucking ceiling, Bella?_

I reached up and pulled at my hair in frustration. I really was going insane. I needed something to distract me.

After a few minutes of contemplation, I decided on cleaning my apartment. I couldn't even remember the last time I had taken any time to do a load of laundry, load the dishwasher or even open my mail. I rolled out of bed and started immediately with the boxes Alice had left scattered around my room the day before. That didn't take me long. Fifteen minutes later, all the boxes were closed and stacked back in the far corner of my closet. I figured once I got everything back from Edward, pulling all the boxes back out to put it all away would be another adequate distraction.

Not wanting to stop, I jogged out to the living room. I put on a CD of loud, distracting rock music and continued in the kitchen. I mopped the floor, scrubbed the counters and after collecting the dirty cups and bowls strewn around the apartment, loaded the dishwasher.

Next came the dining room which meant the flower mess. Gingerly, I picked up the broken pieces of glass and shriveled rose petals and threw them in the garbage. I really did regret smashing the vase. Edward had probably spent a lot of money on the bouquet and the roses were gorgeous. Then again, it wasn't like he would know what happened. He couldn't have remembered buying the flowers and if he did, he didn't remember who they were going to. This thought didn't comfort me much.

As far as the hole in the wall went, I'd have to either see if Emmett could fix it or break down and tell my landlord. I could make up some bullshit story about how a drunk friend did it or how I "accidentally" tripped on a dining room chair and fell into the wall. I wasn't really sure if they'd fix it either way. There went my security deposit.

The living room was next. I piled the mail onto a side table to go through later. After picking up the various magazines, ice cream cartons and shoes scattered across the carpet, I vacuumed. I dusted every surface and threw the blinds open to give the room some sunshine.

I felt accomplished when I was finished. My body was still buzzing with electric energy and I didn't want to stop. Next I decided to go through my mail. It looked like a daunting task, but also a good way to keep my mind busy. I threw away all the junk mail first. Going through my bills, I realized quite a few of them were _very _overdue. I made a mental note to hop on the laptop later and take care of them. The last thing I needed right now was to get evicted or get my car repossessed.

My next task was to tackle the massive pile of dirty laundry sitting in my closet. I was tossing clothes out into my room, separating them into darks and whites when I heard my phone ringing. I hopped over the mess by my bed and snatched my phone off my nightstand. My heart stopped when I saw what name was flashing on the caller ID.

_Edward's Cell_

I had to make a quick decision on whether or not to answer it. It would only ring for about three more seconds before it went to voicemail.

My finger pressed "accept call" without my brain even telling it to.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella?" His voice sounded tentative, but oh-so fucking _wonderful_. I hadn't heard his voice on the other end of my cell in way too long.

"Yeah, hey Edward, what's up?" Again, with the strangled sound coming out of my throat. Shit, I was really going to have to learn how to control that better.

"Um, not much. I uh—" He stopped. Several seconds of silence followed.

"You there?" I thought maybe his phone has disconnected and I panicked a bit.

"Yeah, no, I mean, yeah. I'm here, I just. Um, shit."

"Edward. Spit it out." It wasn't like him to be tongue tied. Then again, he wasn't really used to talking to me on the phone.

"Well, I sort of need a favor."

"Oh." I wandered back over to my clothes pile and started separating them again. "Sure, anything, what do you need?" I immediately regretted saying this. My brain was working without my permission today. I think subconsciously I was looking for any excuse to see him, whether it tore me apart or not.

"Well, it's just—" He paused again and sighed. "I have a doctor's appointment today, to hopefully get the staples in my head out and well, I sort of need a ride to the hospital."

I stood up, dumbfounded. Why was he calling _me_ for this?

"Why can't Alice or your mom take you?" I didn't mean for my question to sound rude, but it came out that way anyway.

"Both of them are working. My dad is out of town and Emmett isn't answering his phone. Jasper said he'd call me back on his lunch break but I haven't heard from him… I just, sort of didn't know who else to call. If you're busy, I'm sure I can figure something else out… I can call a cab or something—"

"No, no," I interrupted. He sounded so pathetic. I felt horrible for being so snippy with him. "No, I can take you. What time is it at?"

"Noon. I hate doing this to you on such short notice…"

"It's ok," I said, glancing at the clock on my nightstand. It was 11:00 am. This really _was_ on short notice. "Gimmie like ten minutes to get dressed and I'll head over there."

His voice sounded relieved. "Thanks so much, Bella. I owe you."

"No worries. I'll see you soon."

"Ok, bye."

I snapped my phone shut. Why did I torture myself like this?

Well, it didn't matter much. I'd made a commitment and I had to come through for him. I tossed on the first clean thing I saw, wrapped my hair in a messy bun and doused myself in body spray. I didn't have time for a shower and I'd hoped my cleaning spree didn't make me smell too bad.

The next thing I knew, I was knocking on Edward's door not having remembered even driving there. I was really going to have to stop living in the fucking clouds so much.

"It's open!" I heard Edward yell. I inched the door open slowly and peeked inside. I saw Edward hopping one-legged to the couch where his crutches were resting against the coffee table.

"If Alice sees you doing that, she will kill you, you know that right?" I remarked, leaning against the doorjamb.

"That's why I'm trusting you not to tell her," he responded positioning his crutches under his arms. "These things are a pain in the ass. It's easier to get around my apartment on one foot."

"And I'll be waiting to hear from you when you fall down and break an arm or something, cause I know it won't be Alice you'll be calling."

"Ha, funny," Edward motioned towards the coffee table. "Can you grab my keys and lock the door?" He hobbled my way. "My hands are kinda full."

"I can see that." I snatched the keys up and locked the door once we were both out. Edward limped down the walkway, me following slowly behind him. Once he reached the street, he stopped.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He gave me a bewildered look. "Um, I don't know which car it is…?" His voice trailed off.

"Oh, yeah." Another punch to the stomach. And now I'd have to force myself to act normal _yet again _on the way to the hospital. I instantly felt like I was going to cry.

"Over here," I said quietly, chirping my alarm so he knew which car it was.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Every little glance I stole at Edward, he was staring out the window with his head in his hand. I was really beginning to think having any sort of relationship with him was going to be impossible.

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting in a small hospital room waiting to see Edward's doctor. I had insisted on staying in the waiting room, but Edward wanted me to come in with him for support. He had even jutted his bottom lip out said, "Please?" How could I say no?

Edward amused himself by playing with a set of tongue depressors when I zoned out. I had begun to realize that the more I could separate myself from reality, the easier it was to be around him. I was trying to figure out how many loads of laundry I had waiting for me at home and how long it might take me to scrub the soap scum off my bathtub. A hot bath sounded heavenly right now, but my tub was in desperate need of a deep cleaning before that could happen.

"I have a question," Edward broke into my daydreaming. He didn't wait for a response. "I was watching some more of those videos after you and Alice left last night, and I noticed in a lot of them, I have a nickname for you."

"Belly-Bean," I said.

"Yeah, that." He looked at me, bemused. When I didn't elaborate, he said, "Is there any significance behind it?"

I cleared my throat. "It's sort of a long story."

"Do we have anything else to do? That doctor will probably take another half an hour to get in here." He looked at me expectantly.

I let myself replay that entire day almost fifteen years ago in my head as I told Edward the story.

"_This isn't going to work." Edward said. "My dad will take us to the pet store when he gets home from work."_

_I held the empty ant farm Emmett had given us tightly to my chest. "I don't wanna wait!" I whined. "Anyway, if we go to the pet store, the ants there will cost money. There's lots of free ants over there!" I pointed at his mother's flowerbed where a six inch high anthill sat. _

"_I don't think it's a good idea, Bella," Edward crossed his arms. "How are we even supposed to get them into the farm?"_

"_Ummmmm…" I thought for a minute. "Oh! Sugar!"_

"_Sugar?"_

"_Yeah!" I put the ant farm in the grass and grabbed Edward's hand. "You guys have to have sugar somewhere, right?" I asked, dragging him through the back door. _

"_Probably, but how will that get the ants in the ant farm?" Edward sounded very skeptical. _

"_We'll make a trail from the hill to the farm and they'll go right in!" I rummaged through the fridge looking for a bag of sugar. "Where do you guys keep your sugar? My mom always puts it in the fridge." _

"_I dunno," Edward shrugged. He opened the pantry and glanced in. "It's not in here. Look in mom's sugar bowl by the coffee pot." _

_I lifted the lid off the bowl, but it was empty. "Dang, I think you guys are out!" I pouted. "What are we gonna do now?" _

"_What about these?" Edward asked, pulling a bag of Jelly Belly jelly beans out of the pantry. "They're sweet." _

"_Oh, maybe!" I snatched the bag out of his hand. I ran back out to the flowerbed and leaned over the ant hill. I dropped one of the jelly beans on top of the hill and watched the little red ants swarm all over it. "It might work!" I called to Edward. _

"_Gimmie some of them," he said walking up behind me. He started making a trail from the ant farm back to the garden when I started lining the jelly beans in the opposite direction. After a few minutes we had a line of candy halfway across the yard. _

"_It might have been better if we moved the farm closer to the garden," Edward remarked. He popped a few of the leftover jelly beans into his mouth. _

"_Well, we'll see how this works," I said plopping down in the grass. After ten minutes of watching the ants flock to the first five jelly beans by the hill, I started to get frustrated.  
"Go grab the farm," I directed at Edward. _

_He sighed but complied. He set it a few feet away from the ant hill and adjusted the beans. Still no luck. _

"_Stupid ants," I crossed my arms in defiance. After sulking for a few minutes, I had an idea. "Hey! What if I picked up the jelly beans with the ants already on them and just put them in the farm?"_

"_I don't think that's a good idea," Edward said. "They're red ants. I bet they bite." _

"_You think?" I put my face down closer to the ants crawling all over the candy. "I think if I'm careful they won't." _

_Edward shrugged. "Ant bites don't feel good. I'm gonna laugh at you if they bite you."_

"_Help me then," I said. _

"_No!" Edward backed away from the flowerbed. "This was all your idea."_

"_Ugh, you're a baby," I complained. "Fine, I'll do it myself. And then the ant farm will be all mine." _

_Edward stood a few feet away from me and watched. I picked one bean up gently and dropped it into the ant farm, catching about six ants. "Look!" I squealed. I stuck my tongue out at Edward. I got three more ant covered beans into the farm before I got my first bite. _

"_Ow!" I stuck my finger in my mouth. _

"_Told ya," Edward called. _

"_It's only one, I'm fine," I responded. Not wanting to look beaten, I took my finger out of my mouth and went for another candy. As I held the jelly bean in my hand, two more ants scurried up my fingers and bit me. _

"_Ow, dangit!" I dropped the jelly bean on top of the ant hill. _

_Bad idea. _

_The candy hitting the hill sent the ants into a protective frenzy. They started to dart around the garden, looking for anything threatening their queen. I was too concerned with nursing the bites on my hand and didn't notice that my bare feet were right in the protective circle the ants were creating. I felt one sting, then two, then three and by the time I was able to react, my feet were covered in angry ants. _

"_Ow! Edward, help me!" But he was too busy rolling around on the grass laughing to offer any sort of aid. "This isn't funny, ow! EDWARD!!"_

"_Ok, ok," he choked, running for the hose. He doused my feet in the cold water, washing the ants away, but the damage was done. My feet and ankles were covered in red welts. _

"Thus, Belly-Bean was born," I said. "You thought it was hilarious, being a play on 'Bella' and 'jelly bean.'"

"Oh my God!" Edward said between giggles. "I really just laughed at you when those ants were eating your feet?"

"Yup," I said, laughing with him.

"What happened after that?"

"Your dad got home and took me to the ER. My feet were swelled up so much I couldn't even put my shoes on."

Edward looked guilty. "I feel bad," he said.

"Nah," I waved my arm at him. "I got out of school for a week and you waited on me like my servant for a long time to make up for it."

"Oh, well then. I guess I don't feel so bad anymore." He cheered up.

"Do you remember any of that?" I had to know.

Edward went into "deep thought" mode. "Well…" He started. He thought for a few more seconds. "I have this vague memory of being in a hospital… It was dark outside and Alice was with me. We were sitting on these hard plastic chairs and I think we had lollipops…?"

"Yes!" I let myself get excited. "Alice insisted on coming and you were crying cause you felt so bad so the doctor gave you a sucker to make you feel better!"

"Wow," Edward smiled. "It's fuzzy, but it's there."

"No me?"

"Well no," the guilty look came back. "But I remembered something that had to do with you; that has to be a good sign, right?"

I smiled at him. "Yeah, that's a good sign."

The doctor walked in then.

"Mr. Cullen! How are we today?"

"Ok, I guess…" Edward grimaced.

"Ms. Swan, is it?" The doctor looked in my direction. "How are you?"

"I'm alright." I knew the doctor was just being nice. I remembered the look he gave me a few weeks before when explaining Edward's condition to me. Pity. He had the same look on his face now. "Really, I'm great."

"Well!" He turned back towards Edward. "Ready to get those staples out?"

"No." Edward looked terrified.

"I promise it won't be that bad," the doctor said cheerfully snapping on a pair of gloves. He picked up what looked like a set of pliers wrapped in saran wrap off the counter. "This shouldn't hurt, though it may be uncomfortable." After taking the bandage off Edward's head, he swiped an alcohol swab over the almost-healed cut and began pulling at the staples with the pliers.

The second the pliers touched his forehead, Edward squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed my hand.

My heart jumped into my throat. Edward's grip on my hand tightened more with each staple the doctor pulled out. His flesh burned on mine. I didn't pull my hand away, as much as my brain was telling me to. I didn't even realize I wasn't breathing until I saw the spots appearing in my vision. I exhaled quickly and sucked in another breath. The plink-plink-plink of the staples hitting the sink echoed loudly in my head. As the seconds passed, his hand got hotter and hotter. It literally felt like my hand was on fire. I had to struggle not to cry out in pain.

What felt like a lifetime later, the doctor said, "All done!"

Edward peeked his eyes open but didn't release my hand. "Oh, I guess that wasn't so bad."

I stayed silent, still holding my breath. My hand twitched under Edward's. He looked over at me. "Oh!" He yanked his had back into his lap. "I'm, uh, sorry…" That habit of his was back immediately; that habit of running his hands through his hair when he was nervous. "I didn't mean to, uh…"

"It's ok," I whispered massaging my fingers. The cold air was instantly relieving.

The doctor paid no mind to our exchange. "Alright Edward, you're going to want to stay out of the sunlight for a while and if you'll be in the sun for an extended period of time, use a good sunscreen. You don't want that scar to sunburn. Use vitamin e oil to help reduce the visibility of the scar, though I think over time it will fade on its own." He handed Edward a few pamphlets. "Read over these, they'll give you more information about caring for the wound. Any questions?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Uh, no, thanks."

"Ok, stop in with the nurse on the way out to schedule an appointment to get those broken bones looked at. We'll try to get that cast off your leg as soon as possible." He held his hand out to Edward's. After shaking Edward's hand, he turned to me. "Good to see you again, Ms. Swan." He nodded towards the both of us and walked out.

We both sat in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, the quiet became unbearable for me. "How's it feel?" I asked quietly.

Edward brought his hands up to where the scar was. "Ok, kinda tender, but better. I'm just happy to have that damn bandage off." He glanced up. "How's it look?"

"Not bad," I said, observing the scar on his forehead. It was about three inches long, pink and puckered. "It looks irritated."

"Yeah," he ran his fingers along the length of the scar. "I hope it fades."

I forced a smile. "I'm sure it will." I stood up and walked towards the door. "Shall we?" The sooner I got him home, the better. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy being around him, but without Alice as a buffer, I was finding it difficult to stay focused on what the reason was that I was torturing myself for.

Just like on the way here, the ride back to Edward's apartment was quiet. Neither of us spoke a word until we got to his door. I unlocked it for him and tossed his keys onto the coffee table.

"Thanks again," he said turning towards me.

"Anytime," I said only half meaning it. Of course I wouldn't say no if he needed more of my help, but I'd pay for it.

"I'll take you out to lunch or something soon, as repayment," he offered. I didn't think he meant it. I had the feeling he was just trying to be nice.

"Sure, you have my number." I planted the smile back on my face. "Call me if you need anything else, ok?"

"I will."

With a wave, I turned, shut the door and walked to my car. On the drive home, all I could think about was how much I was looking forward to getting home to my laundry. Then I could occupy my mind with an adequate distraction. That's what I needed. Distraction. It was the only way I could keep myself sane.

Once back in my apartment, alone, I realized I had no more tears to cry. I had expected myself to break down again once I reached my car, but I didn't. I was just numb now. I wasn't sure if this fact comforted me or not.

* * *

**Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I hit a bout of writer's block and couldn't think of where to go from the end of the last chapter. I'm happy with what I came up with though. Let me know what you all think! I know I had a friend of mine who read the first few chapters before I put it online who wanted to know where "Belly-Bean" came from. So there you have it. :) Thanks for all the reviews so far, you guys are awesome. Keep em coming so I know if you guys are happy! :)**


	9. Chapter Eight: Fury

**CHAPTER EIGHT - FURY**

I'd read somewhere that there were five stages of grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

I didn't feel like I had fully gone through step one. Sure, I isolated myself. There was a point a while ago where I pushed everyone away from me; Edward, Alice, Carlisle and Esme, my parents, Jessica. When this all came crashing down on me, I wanted nothing more then to curl up alone and never see sunlight again. I was perfectly content with no human contact and wanted to keep it that way.

But I never denied anything. I knew what was happening the entire time. There was never a point where I honestly believed I was living in a dream; that I was going to wake up and everything was going to be fine. I was always fully aware of what was happening.

That's why it surprised me when step two hit me as hard as it did. I woke up one morning, a few days after taking Edward to the doctor, and I was mad. No, mad may have been an understatement. I was _livid. _I hated the world. I unfairly took out my rage on the first person I encountered that day: My co-worker Lauren. All she had done was call me to see how I was feeling and to check up on when I may be returning to work.

I was disgusted the second I saw her name on the caller ID of my cell.

"Hello?" I tried to hide my resentment at even having to talk to her, but I still sounded frustrated.

"Hey, Bella, it's Lauren! How are you?" She was annoyingly chipper. I wished I could reach through the phone and slap her.

"I'm peachy, why?" I snapped.

She missed a beat before answering. She could sense my annoyance. "Well, I hadn't heard from you in a while, and just wanted to check up on you—"

"To see how losing the love of my life has been? Fucking wonderful, Lauren. Do you want details so you can spread it around the office? Cause you know how much I love hearing whispering behind my back."

She didn't say anything in response. I was hoping maybe she had hung up on me, but the display on my phone showed me the call was still connected.

"Anything else?" I added curtly.

"Um, well, James wanted me to see when you'd be up to coming back," she said timidly. "I know you have lots of vacation time banked up, so it's not me asking, but he said if I talked to you, just to see. He didn't want to bother you himself."

Was she fucking kidding? James was our boss. The one who I talked to when all this happened, who promised me that it wasn't a problem that I needed a while off work, that he would make sure all my vacation time went through. And now he didn't even have the balls to call me himself to see how I was doing? He was using Lauren to make me feel obligated to go back to work before I felt ready. Before this, I was actually thinking about calling James and telling him I was going to come back. I was going stir crazy locked up in my apartment. At least going back to work would give me something to do. But now, I felt like extending this "vacation" for as long as possible just to be spiteful.

"You can tell James that I'll come back when I'm good and fucking ready," I sneered. "We already talked about this and it was all worked out. I'll come back when I'm ready to come back."

"Bella, look—"

"And while you're at it," I interrupted. "Tell him the next time he needs to talk to me, to call me his fucking self and not have one of my fucking subordinates to it for him, ok?"

Her voice was shaking. Great, I'd made her cry. "Bella, I just called to see how you were—"

"Cut this sweet talking shit and stop pretending like you care," I interrupted again. "Tell James to call me if he needs to talk to me." And I hung up the phone. I then threw it across the room where it skittered across the floor and landed somewhere in my closet. I'd find it later.

I felt like a few hours at the gym might burn off some of my rage. I dressed quickly in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, tossed my hair into a messy bun and drove to the gym, almost taking out a few pedestrians in the process who wouldn't get the hell out of the way fast enough.

The treadmill seemed like the best place to start, so I threw on my headphones and hopped on, cranking the speed as high as I could handle. The angry music blaring into my ears fueled me.

Usually, ten minutes of high speed running had me worn out. This time, thirty minutes passed and I was still going strong. I could feel the sweat pouring down my back and my legs were searing with pain, but I kept running. Deep in the back of my mind, I thought if I ran hard enough, I could run away from everything, leave everything behind. Maybe run to an alternate world where everything was normal again.

An hour later, the treadmill slowed it self down. The message "cool down" flashed on the digital display. I guess ninety minutes was the maximum workout you could do on this machine. Drenched in sweat, I hopped off the treadmill and headed for the water fountain. On any other day, I would have probably passed out by now. But I had so much adrenaline coursing through my veins, I felt like doing some more. I gulped down several mouthfuls of water before heading to an exercise bike. Turning my Ipod back on, I set myself for a five-mile ride.

Twenty minutes and five miles later, I still hadn't had enough. I set five more miles on the bike and upped the resistance a few notches. _Now_ I felt like I was getting a workout. My legs screamed in opposition and my head was swimming, but I kept pushing. Another half an hour later, I was exhausted. My shirt and sweatpants were soaked in sweat and I could barely catch my breath. My hair was sticking to my neck and forehead uncomfortably. I briefly thought that maybe I had gone too far. I sat down next to the bike and put my head between my knees, trying to stop my head from spinning.

"Are you ok?" I heard a deep male voice say from above me. I looked up and saw a concerned trainer staring down at me.

"Yeah," I panted. "Just catching my breath."

"Here." He crouched next to me and handed me a towel. "You're sopping wet."

"Thanks," I said, tossing the towel around the back of my neck. I placed my head back between my knees.

"Do you need some water?" He asked.

I nodded my head. I saw his shoes disappear for a few seconds. He returned and handed me a bottle of water. I opened it and sucked it down.

"Careful," he said. "Take it slow."

A few minutes passed and I was starting to feel better. My breaths were coming more normally now instead of in choking gasps. The room wasn't spinning anymore. I ran the towel across my forehead pushing the sticky hair out of my face.

"Feeling better?" The trainer asked, still crouched next to me.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Thanks."

"Don't work so hard next time," he said standing up. He offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. "I saw you earlier and you were going pretty hard."

"I'm having a rough day," I said. "Just trying to get rid of some frustration, you know?"

"I know," he smiled. "Just be careful next time, ok?"

"I will," I handed the towel back to him. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." He handed me his business card. "If you need some help next time you're in here, give me a call." He gave me one more smile before jogging off. I glanced down at the card in my hand.

_Jacob Black  
Personal Trainer_

"Huh, sweet guy," I said out loud turning the card over in my hand. I shrugged and shoved it in the pocket of my sweatpants. Finishing off the water bottle, I decided I'd had enough of the gym for the day. I headed out to my car, trying to figure out what was now going on in my head. I was still feeling angry, but I felt a lot calmer now. I didn't feel like beating the shit out of the next person who talked to me anymore. I almost, _almost_, even felt bad for how I had talked to Lauren. Not enough to actually call her and apologize though. Maybe tomorrow.

I rolled the windows down on my way home and let the cool air dry my damp skin and clear my senses. By the time I got home, I almost felt normal again. I was still feeling energized from my workout, and my heated mood had almost vanished. Buy my feelings changed when I dug my phone out of my closet and saw three missed calls and a text from Alice:

_Why the hell aren't you answering your phone? Are you pulling this "I can't leave my apartment" shit again? I haven't heard from you in a few days. Call me. _

And just like that, I was fuming again. I hated myself for letting such an insignificant event bring back the feelings I had just worked so hard to get rid of. But leave it to Alice to be the one who caused it. She just had that kind of effect on me. When I was in a bad mood, she had a habit of grating on my nerves even more. As I went to flip my phone shut, it started ringing. It was Alice calling _again. _

Without even giving her a chance to start on me, I pushed "talk" and said, "Did you ever stop to think that I'm not answering my phone simply because I don't want to talk to you?"

"Excuse me?" She sounded surprised.

"What is that obsession of yours, Alice, to have to know what everyone is doing at any time of the day?"

"I was calling to see how you were doing, that's all," her voice sounded guarded. "Where were you?"

"Why do you care?" I snapped.

"It's not like you to not answer your phone, Bella. I thought you'd dropped back into your funk you were in a couple weeks ago." She _sounded_ concerned. But by this point, I had convinced myself it was all an act.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but I was at the gym. I left my phone at home. _That's_ why I didn't answer your calls. But then again, with the mood I'm in, I probably wouldn't have answered anyway."

"What crawled up your ass?" Alice demanded. "I was going to see if you wanted to have lunch or something, but the way you're acting, I'm not sure I want to even be around you right now."

"No, I don't want to 'have lunch or something.' And you and your 'don't want to leave your apartment' comment is _not _appreciated."

"Bella, I was worried!" She was starting to lose her temper. "What's your problem all of a sudden?"

"Next time I don't answer my phone, wait for me to call you back. Don't blow up my phone calling over and over and sending me rude fucking text messages." My voice started to rise. "I'm done dealing with bullshit, ok? Don't assume something is wrong with me if I don't answer my Goddamn phone. Sometimes I just need some time to myself and I'd appreciate it if you could respect that and not call me four thousand fucking times a day, ok?!"

"And I'm sick and tired of your fucking mood swings, Bella, shit!!" Alice was yelling now. "One second you're crying and begging for comfort and the next you're being a bitch!! I'm tired of being the one you take out your tantrums on. I'm sick of having to think 'what's Bella gonna be like today?' when I call you! What happened to the Bella from a month ago? The _normal _Bella?!"

"Fuck off," I spat, and hung up the phone. Now I was even more pissed off then before. I threw myself back onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. I felt like _strangling_ Alice. If she showed up at my door, I swore to God, on everything I loved, I would knock her out. I could take her. I'd probably regret it later, but at the moment, I didn't care.

I felt my phone vibrating in my hand. I figured it was Alice calling me back to give me a few more choice words, so without even looking at the caller ID, I flipped the phone open and said. "Did you not get the fucking clue five minutes ago?"

"Bella?"

It was Edward.

_Shit._

My anger was gone. I literally felt it drain out of my body. I couldn't be angry with him. His voice soothed every raw nerve in my body. If I would have known his voice would have this kind of effect on me, I would have called him as soon as I woke up this morning. One little word and all my frustration from the entire day was melted away. Unfortunately, it was replaced with nausea; a common occurrence when it came to dealing with Edward. "Hey, Edward, sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"Oh." He sounded uncomfortable. "Is everything ok?"

"Not really, but don't worry about it." I cursed myself internally. When was I going to start being more careful when it came to him? "What's up?"

"Well, I owe you lunch, don't I? I wanted to make good on it. Are you busy?"

Damn. Alice would be even more pissed once she found out about this. Once again, that little part of me that just could not say no to Edward took over. How could I turn down time with him? It would probably tear off yet another piece of my heart, but it seemed like I was a glutton for punishment these days.

"No, not busy at all. I just got back from the gym."

"Oh, if you're too tired…"

"No! I'm not," I said a bit too eagerly. "I'll just need to take a shower."

"That's ok," I could practically hear him smiling on the other end of the phone. "I'll be ready when you get here."

"Gimmie like an hour?" I said.

"Perfect," Edward responded. "See you then."

I hung up the phone and stared at it. I didn't actually think he had meant it the other day when he said we would go out to lunch. I honestly thought he was just being nice. And the way he seemed so enthusiastic about taking me out… I was confused. I let the past few minutes sink in.

_Did he just ask me out on a date? _

_No_. I shut that thought out of my head almost the second it appeared. I couldn't let myself get too excited over this. I couldn't let myself down like that again.

In the shower, I asked myself, yet again, why I did this to myself; why I punished myself like this. The whole shower was spent thinking, trying to reason with myself. The smart thing to do when it came to Edward would be to distance myself from him, to just start over without him. It was clear he wasn't going to remember me. We would never have what we had before. And all I was going to do was continue to hurt myself if I kept up this charade.

But the other part of my brain was saying that maybe _we _could start over. Our relationship could start fresh. Sure, it sucked that our entire history was gone, but he seemed genuinely interested in having some sort of relationship with me. Maybe we could still be together. It could be sort of fun to re-get-to-know-eachother.

My brain was still buzzing when I left my apartment an hour later. I donned a pair of jeans, a flowy tank top, strappy heels, straightened hair and light makeup. I hadn't been with Edward looking like a step up from a homeless person since the accident. I was always in sweats, my hair up, no makeup on. I wanted to try to start to impress him. Show him the Bella he knew before the accident.

I drove quickly to Edward's apartment, resolved to be the Bella from before. No more of this feeling sorry for myself, no more crying, no more what-ifs. I was starting over.

I knocked eagerly on Edward's door. He opened it a second later, leaned on one crutch, looking amazing. He had on a pair of khaki shorts and a white button up shirt. His hair was tousled perfectly and his green eyes were excited.

"Hey!" He said happily. "You look great!"

"Thanks!" I replied. "I could say the same to you."

"Oh, maybe, without this," he gestured towards his cast. "Or this," he said running his fingers along the fading scar on his forehead.

"You can barely see it anymore," I observed.

He laughed and hobbled out the door, pulling it shut behind him. "You don't have to be nice."

"I swear!" I said, putting my hand on my heart.

His lopsided smile made me breathless. I almost believed his was "my Edward" again. "You ready for the best lunch of your life?" He asked.

"Let's go," I said eagerly, smiling back at him. Time to show him how Bella _really_ was.

* * *

**Ugh, this took me FOREVER to get out of my head. I've been raging about work lately, and it definitely came out in Bella's character. I'm still not sure I'm entirely happy with it, but oh well. :) Let me know what you all think! Reviews are looooove. **


	10. Chapter Nine: Betrayal

**CHAPTER NINE - BETRAYAL  
**

"One more time," Edward insisted. "A little higher."

I tossed another fry across the table, aiming it into Edward's waiting mouth. I missed _again_ and the fry bounced off his forehead and landed on a neighbor's table.

"Sorry," I called towards their glares. "Again…" I added softly.

"You really suck at this," Edward remarked wiping the salt of his forehead.

"I never claimed to be good," I said, sipping my lemonade. "French fry basketball was your idea, remember?"

"Right," Edward laughed. He crossed his arms across the table. "So."

"So… What?" I twirled my fork in my fettuccine.

"You never answered my question." Edward looked at me expectantly.

"Why does it matter so much to you?" I asked.

"I'm just curious, what's the big deal?"

"Cause you don't remember, so it doesn't matter," I said shoveling a forkful of noodles into my mouth.

"How will I remember if you don't tell me?" Edward asked.

I waited until I had swallowed my food before answering him. "Alice or Emmett or someone else can't answer this question for you?"

"Bella, geez!" Edward laughed. "Why are you avoiding this question so much? Just tell me! What was I doing when I got in the accident? Where was I going in such a hurry?

I looked up at him and sighed. "You were getting me flowers."

Edward scrunched his eyebrows together. "I was getting you flowers." The sentence came out as a statement, not a question.

"Yeah, sorry it wasn't something more spectacular." I took another bite of fettuccine.

"Why was I getting you flowers?"

I sighed again. This had to be talked about at some point; might as well be now. "I had come over to talk to you about my feelings for you. We talked, you felt the same way, we made out, then you insisted on running out and buying me flowers and a card and you were t-boned on the way home."

Edward didn't say anything in response. He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands, before glancing back up at me, his look indicating he wanted more elaboration.

I rolled my eyes before giving him more details. "You got me these two dozen long stemmed roses in this crystal vase. They survived the crash and they were sitting in your hospital room when I saw you for the first time. There was a card with them… Some mushy Hallmark card that you had written this really sweet message inside that I must have read a thousand times and have pretty much not let it out of my sight since the accident… It's sort of all I have left you know…" I stopped talking. I was rambling _badly_. Plus I might have given away more then I wanted to.

"Do you have it with you now?" Edward asked eying my purse.

_Damn, he had caught that last part…_

"What?"

"The card. Is it with you now?"

"Why—Why does that matter?" I whispered pulling my purse onto the seat next to me.

"You said you didn't let it leave your sight, do you have it with you?"

"Why?" I repeated.

"You don't think it could help?" Edward asked, giving me those irresistible puppy dog eyes. "Let me see it, please?"

"No." I clutched my purse to my chest like it was holding the antidote to a global killing disease.

"Why not? I wrote it," Edward said defensively.

"It's mine."

"Bella, I'm not going to take it from you." Frustration was creeping into his voice. He held his hand out. "Can I see what I wrote?" He tilted his head to the side and waited patiently, his hand not moving.

I glanced down into my purse and saw the tattered edge of the card poking out. At the moment _I _was aching to read it again… Like I didn't already have it memorized… But to read _his _words in _his _handwriting, his sentiments, his declaration to _me_; it was bittersweet… Sitting at this table with him, knowing the words in this precious card truly meant nothing in the end. I hesitantly pulled it out and gripped it tightly.

"Bella, please?" Edward urged, his hand still out waiting.

I slowly extended the card and placed it gently in his hand, a panic attack slowly building inside my body, which I knew was really ridiculous, as it was a _card_ for Christ's sake, and not to mention, what was he going to do with it? Read it, start raging and burn it? Throw it in the garbage? Tear it up, sprinkle it on his fiesta chicken and eat it?

While I didn't honestly expect something _that_ drastic, I did expect _some _sort of reaction out of Edward when he took the card from me. He gently opened it, scanned what was written inside, and just as quickly, closed it and shoved it back into my hand.

I blanched. "What?"

"Nothing, it just—" Edward's hands snaked into his hair and he pulled at it in aggravation. "Nothing."

I didn't press the issue. I knew pushing Edward to talk wouldn't help the situation. I knew exactly how the conversation would go. Edward would get frustrated and start telling me how he "hated hurting me." I would insist that it was "ok" even though it wasn't. I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears and I would start crying, in turn making Edward even more uncomfortable then he probably already was, thus ruining our lunch date. It wasn't worth it.

I gently put the card back in my purse and silently took another bite of my pasta.

Edward changed the subject quickly, his voice coming out sounding strained." You know, we haven't really sat down and _talked _since all this happened," he said. "Tons of pictures and scrapbooks and home videos, but we haven't really talked at all."

"Yes we have," I protested. "We've talked plenty."

"No, every time things get too heavy, you run away," Edward said. Flat out. Out on the table. No sugar coating.

Again, I could feel the tears spring behind my eyes. But I was determined not to show Edward that side of me anymore. I held it back, but didn't make eye contact with him just in case.

"Telling it like it is, huh?" I said.

"Well, it's true." Edward said. He reached out and touched my hand. It took all my strength not to pull it away. "Talk to me."

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. I looked up into his green eyes. Big mistake. I was caught in the deep ocean that was his emerald irises. An undercurrent caught me and I couldn't escape. I was drowning in his eyes.

"Bella?"

I snapped back to reality. "Sorry, what?"

Edward looked amused. "That for instance," he said. "Why do you do that? When you make eye contact with me? I've see you act that way before."

"It's nothing," I said looking down at my hands. His left hand was still resting on mine. My blood was boiling. I could feel the heat radiating through my body.

"We're talking, remember?" Edward pulled his hand back and crossed his arms.

I glanced back up at him. "Your eyes… They're…" I hesitated. "They're my favorite thing about you."

"Really?" Edward smiled again.

"Yeah." I began massaging the back of my neck. "It's really easy for me to lose myself in them."

"Oh," the amused look returned to Edward's face. "What's my favorite thing about you?"

I was a little taken aback. "Ummm…"

"Did we never talk about that?"

"Well, yeah," I could feel the blood rushing to my face. "This."

Edward looked confused. "What?"

I pointed at my cheeks. "Am I blushing?"

"Yeah."

"That."

"I liked your blushing?"

"Yeah," I took a drink of my lemonade, forcing down the lump forming in my throat. "You thought it was endearing."

"Thought?"

I looked up at him. "What, you still think its endearing?"

"It's cute," he said, reaching out to touch my cheek. "I hadn't noticed it before."

"Yeah, well," I shrugged, shaking my head to brush off his touch. A hurt look flickered across his face but disappeared quickly.

The waitress stopped at our table to refill our drinks, giving me a moment of escape from the intensity of the conversation. I had about fifteen seconds to recollect my thoughts before she wordlessly flounced to the next table.

Edward rested his chin on his hand and picked the conversation back up like nothing had happened. "So when are you going back to work?"

I made a quick mental note to add another reason to slap Alice to the quickly growing list. "Does Alice tell you everything?" I teased.

Edward shrugged. "I don't want you to risk losing your job because of me," he said.

"It's taken care of." I waved his concern away. "No worries."

He stuck his tongue out at me. "Sorry for being concerned."

"Don't worry about me; you never did before," I smiled at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward feigned shock.

I giggled. "Remember the ant story?"

"Oh ha-ha, very funny," Edward smirked. "Give me a hard time for something that a: I don't remember happening and b: Was like, 15 years ago."

The waitress interrupted our conversation by bustling back over to our table. "Sorry bout that, I'm swamped!" She drawled. "Ya'll need anything? Ready for dessert?"

Edward looked at me, his eyebrows raised. "Dessert?"

I glanced quickly at the dessert menu on the table. "Yeah, ummm, I'll have the chocolate cheesecake."

"I'll have a—"

"Wait!" I interrupted. Both Edward and the waitress gave me an alarmed look.

"Betcha I can guess what you're going to order," I taunted wiggling a finger at Edward.

He looked surprised. "Oh you do?"

I turned towards the waitress. "He wants a Blondie, but with no nuts and with an extra scoop of ice cream." I looked back at Edward.

His mouth was hanging open slightly. After a few seconds, the corners of his mouth pulled up and he started laughing. The waitress cleared her throat and looked at Edward expectantly.

"Oh yeah, sorry," Edward turned his attention back to our server. "That's exactly right, thanks."

She rolled her eyes before picking up our plates and hurrying back to the kitchen.

The look on Edward's face was priceless. "How did you know that's what I was going to order?"

"Edward, I've gone out to eat with you a thousand times and you order the same dessert every single time."

"Well," his voice came out sarcastic but teasing. "Excuse me for being predictable."

It felt like this date/not a date was going incredible. It started out a little rocky, but I was genuinely having a good time. I felt like I had finally turned over that new leaf. I must have had a really stupid look on my face because Edward said, "What are you thinking about? You look weird."

I smiled. "I was thinking about how nice this is."

"It is nice." Edward stretched his arms across the back of the booth. He surveyed me silently.

I suddenly felt self-conscience. "What?" I said uneasily.

He shook his head. "Nothing," he laughed.

I would have pressed the issue but our desserts showed up at that moment. I dug into my cheesecake without another word. Cheesecake was my weakness. If you ever wanted to get me to shut the hell up, feed me cheesecake.

"You want a bite?"

I looked up to see Edward holding his fork out to me with a huge chunk of brownie and ice cream resting on top of it. I reached out to take the fork but Edward pulled it back. "Uh-uh, open up."

Was he kidding? I was a bit taken aback but hesitantly opened my mouth and leaned towards his hand. He gently placed the fork in my mouth. I closed my lips around the brownie as he pulled the fork out of my mouth in one quick motion. I chewed looking down at the table, a little intimidated to look up at Edward.

"Good huh?" He said taking another bite.

I was confused. He was acting so… Normal. That was something he would have done before the accident. I didn't let myself dwell on it too long though, as I still had cheesecake waiting to be eaten. I tucked that little tidbit away in the back of my mind and resolved to obsess over it later, when I was alone.

"Ohhh," Edward moaned. I looked up at him and saw that he had cleaned his plate and was now patting his stomach appreciatively. "I am stuffed!"

"Me too," I said swallowing my last bite of cheesecake. Best part of the meal, hands down.

The waitress brought our check, Edward insisted on paying and the next thing I knew, we were back at his apartment.

"You need help getting in?" I asked.

"No, I got it," Edward answered digging his keys out of his pocket. "Just gotta be prepared."

I was really fishing for an invitation inside so I could spend more time with him, but I didn't want to push my luck. Today went amazingly and I didn't want to risk ruining it.

"This was fun, thank you again," I repeated. Even though technically he was supposed to be taking me out to lunch, I still put up a good fight when he had tried to pay.

"I told you I was repaying you for the escort to the hospital." Edward leaned in and without warning, enveloped me in a tight hug.

I wasn't prepared and felt all the air whoosh out of my body. I sucked in another lungful of air and got a good whiff of a mixture of Edward's cologne and shampoo: spicy and minty and a little woodsy. I felt lightheaded. He pulled away as quickly as he leaned in and I was craving more. A lot more.

"Call me tomorrow?" He asked opening the door.

"Uh, yeah." I was seeing stars.

Edward pulled his crutches out of the backseat and staggered out of the car. "Talk to you then, then." He shot me a dazzling smile before shutting the door and hobbling up to his apartment.

I didn't even remember the drive home. I was dizzy with Edward's scent. I got my car parked and danced up to the walkway leading to my apartment. I skipped the rest of the way. I hadn't skipped since I was ten years old. I was giddy with energy. Today went amazingly well. Granted, there were tense moments, but overall, mine and Edward's lunch date when way better then I ever would have expected. Maybe it was possible for us to start over. We were on the right path.

My skipping stopped short when I saw who was waiting for me on my doorstep. Before she saw me, I dug my phone out of the bottom of my purse and looked at the display. Five missed calls and three text messages. Good thing I had put my phone on silent during lunch.

Alice was angrily punching something into her phone and within a few seconds, the display on my phone flashed with yet another text message from her. I flipped my phone open and deleted everything without even reading it. I had no desire for her negativity right now. I felt like I was floating on a cloud and I didn't need her dragging me down.

"What do you want?" I called at her as I approached my front door.

As she looked up at me, rage twisted Alice's features. "Where the hell have you been?" she shouted.

"First of all," I started pushing past her to unlock my door. "Don't yell at me." I walked into my apartment and tossed my purse and keys onto the coffee table. "And second of all," I spun back to face her. "Why is it any of your business?"

Alice stomped into the apartment after me not bothering to shut the door behind her. "Were you with my brother?" she demanded.

"Again," I crossed my arms defensively in front of me. "Why is that any of your business?"

Alice was fuming. She stalked back and forth in front of my front door wordlessly.

"Why are you here, Alice?"

She stopped short and glared at me. "Why did you go out with him?" She seethed.

I wasn't sure how to answer her question. "Why did I go out with him? Are you serious?"

"I wanted to go to lunch with you, and you said, no, then you blew up at me like _I_ had done something wrong!" Her arms flailed around her tiny body.

I didn't really have an explanation for her. Sure, it was rude of me to blow her off in favor of seeing Edward, but she would never understand how my body ached for him, whether he felt the same way or not. I orbited towards him no matter how much it hurt me, no matter what the consequence, so when he says, "jump," I say, "how high?" She just wouldn't get it and no matter what I said to her, she would stay angry with me for choosing him over her when in truth, she had been my rock since this had all happened. My rage towards her from earlier in the day had completely resolved with my good mood, and I genuinely felt bad for throwing her feelings to the side.

I shrugged. "I'm sorry, I had a bad morning." Apologizing seemed like the only logical thing to do.

Alice crossed her arms and tapped her foot furiously. "But you'll always go running back to _him_ no matter what right? No matter if he wants you or not."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded. As much as I didn't want to fight with her, her cryptic little questions were beginning to gnaw at my nerves.

"That wasn't even his idea!" Alice blew up. Her eyes were wild and she had a crazed look on her face. She had lost it.

I stared at her, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"He doesn't even want to be around you, you know that?!" She jabbed a finger in my direction.

I was taken aback. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. "What—What do you mean?" I breathed.

The venom was thick in Alice's voice. "He hates spending time with you!" She yelled. "You have no idea how uncomfortable he is every time you're in the same room with him! I have to fucking _force_ him because I was more concerned about _your_ feelings then his!! If it were up to him, he'd have nothing to do with you _ever _again!!"

I leaned my weight onto the back of my couch to keep my knees from buckling out from under me. I could feel my breaths start to catch in my throat; the telltale sign that the crying was about to start again. My reactions didn't even slow Alice down.

"The lunch date was _my _idea. I had to fucking _bribe_ him to do it!" She took a step towards me. She was getting dangerously close. "I'm tired of putting your goddamn feelings first Bella! You are _so _fucking selfish!!"

I had nothing to say. Absolutely nothing would come out of my mouth. I clutched at my stomach; I was seconds away from throwing up my entire lunch. Part of my brain refused to believe what Alice was saying, but deep down I knew that this was what was going on all along. Of course Edward felt nothing for me. Why would he? I wasn't anything special. I was just some random girl that appeared in his life out of nowhere. Who was I to him? Nobody. A dream. A forgotten memory.

Alice had stopped shouting and I could hear her breathing heavily just a few feet away from me. I couldn't even look up at her. My world was collapsing around me _again. _

"Bella…" Alice's voice had dropped several octaves. Her breathing slowed and she put her hand on my arm.

Her touch was all it took. I was raging again.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment!!" I slapped her hand away from my arm and stood up. I towered over her tiny 5'2" frame. For a second she looked afraid, but the expression was fleeting. She turned and stalked out of my apartment slamming the front door behind her.

I stood in the middle of my apartment and contemplated what to do. The feelings churning inside my body were conflicting and overwhelming. One part of me didn't believe Alice and wanted to chase her outside and beat her ass for ruining my day, while another part of me wanted to curl up and die. But the part that won was the angry part, the part that had me seeing red around the edges of my vision. The rage I felt earlier in the day was multiplied ten-fold and before I knew it, I was in my car speeding back to Edward's apartment. I was going to confront him. I was going to get to the bottom of this bullshit. Enough was enough.

I didn't even knock when I got to his apartment. Fortunately, he hadn't locked his front door or I might have seriously injured myself busting through the door the way I did.

Edward was sitting on his couch playing a game on an Xbox 360. I stopped short when I saw the controller in his hand.

"Bella?!" Edward tried to stand up, but his cast prevented him from doing so. The look on his face was alarmed and a tad frightened. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

"Where did you get that?" I whispered.

"Get what?" Edward glanced around his apartment, a confused look on his face.

"That." I said flatly, pointing at the controller in his hand. "You didn't have an Xbox the last time I was here."

"Oh," Edward glanced down, toying with the controls on the button pad. "This?" He skipped maybe half a beat. "It was a homecoming present."

"Bullshit," I sneered. "You don't have to play stupid with me anymore!"

"Bella, I don't know what you're talking about—"

"You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about!" I scoffed. "Was the Xbox Alice's 'bribe' to you for hanging out with me?"

All the color drained from Edward's face. He dropped the controller. It clattered against the coffee table as he reached out to me. He struggled to stand up. "Bella, I swear, it's not like that—"

"Don't even try to come near me!" I took a step back even though he made no move to actually position himself closer to me.

My emotions were taking over again. I could feel the sobs begin to bubble out of my throat and as hard as I tried to not show my weakness, they broke through. I clamped a hand over my mouth in an effort to keep the choking sounds inside my body. My head was swimming. I didn't know what to feel, say, do. I was lost.

"Bella, listen to me—"

"No." I was snapped back into reality. My voice came out as a hoarse whisper. "No, no more, ok?" I took a few steps back. "Forget I even exist, ok? No more of these stupid games." As I turned towards the door, I heard shuffling behind me and felt Edward grab my arm.

"Bella, _please_!" He tried to pull me back gently but I yanked away from his grip.

"No, Edward!" I pressed myself against the wall, trying to get as far away from him as possible. "I know now, you want nothing to do with me. This should be a relief for you." I inched my way towards the front door.

"I don't know what Alice told you, but _please_ let me explain myself," Edward begged. He put his arm against the wall to block me from moving any further.

I put my hand on his arm and shoved it away from the wall. I felt an electric current shoot through my body when our skin touched and I pulled my arm back to my side violently. Edward gave me a questioning look as he stumbled backwards. I almost knocked him over and _almost _felt guilty. Almost. He didn't make another move to try to physically stop me from leaving, but the next time he spoke his voice was soft and pleading. "Please, _please_, let me explain myself."

"Today was all an act," I stated. It wasn't even a question. It was fact. He had faked everything.

"No, it wasn't just please listen to me—"

"Stop pretending, Edward!" A sob escaped with his name. I shook my head to clear my thoughts a bit and it took me all of a second to decide that I was done. No more arguing, no more pretending. I was ending this, now. Without another word, I pulled his front door open and threw myself into the cool twilight air. I pulled the door shut behind me to make sure he wouldn't follow, though I knew that wouldn't stop him if he really cared. Part of me hoped he would chase me, or chase me in the best way he could. But he didn't. His door stayed shut as I ran back to my car.

I felt lucky to have made it home safely. I was crying so hard I could barely see, my makeup stinging my eyes and making them water even more. I had to pull over twice to compose myself when I started choking. By the time I got back to my apartment, I knew what I was going to do.

I stalked to my bedroom and threw my closet door open. I began feverishly digging through the pile of half dirty laundry on my floor until I found what I was looking for, crumpled and damp in the pocket of a set of sweat pants. I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and looked down at the creased card in my hand.

_Jacob Black  
Personal Trainer  
555-7693  
_

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**All right, can I apologize for the HUGE lack of updating on my part? Ugh, I'm so sorry! Real life got in the way. :/ I was on vacation last week and planned to write, but I ended up with a horrible head cold and couldn't concentrate on anything. Plus, I've planned on trying to make the chapters a bit longer so it's taking me a little longer to get them down in Word. Anyway, if you few dedicated readers are still with me, thank you!! I appreciate you all and every time I get a review or story alert in my inbox, I geek out. You all make my day. :) Let me know what you guys think of this chapter. Anyone have any thoughts on what's coming next? ;)**


	11. Chapter Ten: Rollercoaster

**Author's Note: This chapter contains what could be sensitive subject matter. It was a little hard for me to write, so it may be even harder for some to read.**

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**CHAPTER TEN - ROLLERCOASTER**

The room was spinning around me. How many drinks had I had? I lost count after about five. Jacob was the nicest guy though. He listened to every word that came out of my mouth and nodded attentively at all the right places and smiled where he should.

"You know," I slurred, slamming my empty glass down on the bar. "You are so great. I mean it. You're the nicest guy ever!"

Jacob grinned and took a swig of his beer. "I try."

I reached around and pulled lightly on his ponytail. "Why do you grow your hair like this?"

He laughed at my quick change of subject. "I don't know, I just decided to grow it out and never cut it." He shrugged. "Girls like you think it's sexy." He wiggled his eyebrows.

I looked at Jacob, all fuzzy around the edges, and I was really glad I went out with him. This was just what I needed after the awful day I had. I had thought I sounded desperate when I called him earlier, but it seemed like he was having a good time, so I wasn't worried about it.

"_Hello?"_

"_Jacob?"_

"_Uh, yeah? Who's this?"_

"_My name is Bella, you met me at the gym earlier?"_

"_Oh yeah! Hey! You need a trainer?"_

"_No, no. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a drink or something."_

"_Oh. Well—"_

"_I've just had an awful day and need to get the hell out of my apartment. I didn't know who else to call and you seemed really nice so…" _

"_Um, yeah, sure, why not!"_

"_Ok. How about Annies? On Rainbow and Fourth?"_

"_Yeah, sure! Give me like an hour?"_

"_Sounds good, see you then!"_

It had to have been weird having his chick you met once for five minutes call you up and ask you out, but he seemed eager to impress me so I didn't think anything of it.

I had spent most of the night bitching about Edward and Alice. Jacob was the most patient guy I had ever met. He seemed willing to listen to anything I had to say, he even offered advice.

"Maybe you should just stay away from them for a while?" He suggested.

"They're my best friends… Well, _we're_ my best friends. Who knows anymore." I motioned for the bartender to bring me another rum and coke. "I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe it is time to move on with my life."

"I could help you with that," Jacob proposed. He tossed another ten dollar bill on the counter for my drink.

"You really don't have to keep paying for those," I said. With each drink, I was getting more and more comfortable around Jacob, and maybe he was right; maybe he could help me to get over Edward. A little fling sounded harmless. I had been hung up on Edward for so long, it was just what I needed.

Without really thinking, I blurted, "Wanna go back to my apartment?"

Jacob beamed. "Sure!" He hopped off his barstool and extended his arm towards me. I gulped down the rest of my drink and put my hand in his. We walked out of the bar into the cool night air and I breathed it in deeply. It was refreshing after the smoky atmosphere inside.

Jacob headed towards his car as I stumbled towards mine. "Hey, hey!" Jacob lightly grabbed my arm. "You can't drive like that."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he was right. I could barely see straight, let alone drive home. I'd come get my car later. I followed him to his car and got in when he opened the passenger side door for me.

_Such a gentleman._

"Where to, boss?" Jacob asked starting the car. I directed him to my apartment, giggling and flirting and touching his arm and face and hair and where ever else I could run my fingers.

The back of my mind was telling me that maybe I shouldn't invite this guy over that I've known for only a few hours, but I was having such a good time with Jacob, I didn't want the night to end.

I led him to my apartment digging my keys out of my purse. I fumbled with them for a few minutes in the dark, cursing myself for not leaving my porch light on. I couldn't see a damn thing.

"Here, let me," Jacob took the keys out of my hand and slipped the key into the lock with no problem.

"Thanks," I laughed, stumbling inside. Jacob followed and shut the door behind him. Within seconds, he was standing over me. He wrapped his arms around me without warning, his lips were crushing mine.

Kissing Jacob felt all wrong. Even wasted I could feel that. His lips were too eager and practically engulfed my own. His tongue was probing and insistent. His hands wrapped around the back of my head were too tight. And he was so _hot._ I felt like his body temperature was ten degrees above my own. I lightly pushed at his chest.

"Hey, slow it down buddy," I said. As he pulled away, I stumbled forward, catching myself on his shoulders. I giggled as I righted myself.

"Sorry," I laughed. I looked up at Jacob's face and instead of seeing the look I expected to see, amusement, I saw anger. Jacob's face was twisted into an offended scowl. The fact that I was so drunk I was seeing double made him look twice as menacing. Two pissed off Jacobs in front of me. I was a little intimidated.

"What?" I asked.

"What's your deal?" Jacob demanded.

"My what?" I was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You're a fucking tease!" Jacob stepped closer to me and grabbed my arm.

"Ow, that hurts!" I complained trying to pry his tight grip off the top of my arm. He was beginning to scare me, and I wanted him not only to get away from me, to get out of my apartment.

His grasp on my arm didn't loosen and he was right in my face. "You practically throw yourself at me and now you tell me to slow down?"

I looked up into his dark, angry eyes. "I didn't throw myself at you!"

"Yes you did!" He grabbed my other arm and pushed me down onto the couch. He towered over me. He was _huge_. "You call _me _to go out for drinks, I pay for everything, and all you do is you bitch and moan about this asshole that doesn't want you anymore! Then you invite me back to your apartment. If that's not an invitation for a fuck, I don't know what is!"

I rubbed my arms trying to get the blood to start flowing through them again. I was scared now. I had no idea what to do. Jacob was fuming over me, blocking my escape to the door. I didn't even know where my phone was. I couldn't remember two minutes ago with my head spinning the way it was, and I had no idea where I had dropped my purse.

Jacob leaned down towards me placing his hands on my waist. "You're going to give me what I came here for," he growled menacingly. He roughly tried to pull my shirt up but I pushed his hands back down.

I wasn't going to go down without a fight, drunk or not. "Stop it, Jacob."

"I'm a lot stronger then you darling," Jacob drawled kneeling onto the couch. He put his whole body on top of mine and started kissing down my neck, his stubble rubbing roughly against my skin. I felt nauseated. He gripped the bottom of my shirt and against my will, yanked it forcefully over my head.

When my brain realized exactly what was about to happen, I tried to sober myself, but my mind wasn't working correctly with all the booze pulsing through my system. I tried to push Jacob off of me, but he was all muscle. It was like pushing against a brick wall. I settled for screaming instead, hoping the neighbors would hear me and call the cops. Midway through my first call for help, Jacob clamped a hand over my mouth. I felt his other hand tugging at the waistband of my jeans.

Suddenly, I heard a deep, familiar voice. "Hey!!" The next thing I knew, Jacob was yanked off of me and I was lying on my couch, half naked, alone.

I looked up in time to see Edward, gimp leg and all, lay a hard punch right in Jacob's face. Blood squirted out of his nose and sprayed all over my carpet.

_Damn, that's gonna be a bitch to get out…_

"You get the fuck out of here, you low life piece of shit!" Edward forcefully pulled Jacob up, halfway by his hair, halfway by his arm and carried him to the door. If it wasn't for the huge cast on his leg, you never would have even known it was broken. He was in a frenzy. He socked Jacob in the face a few more times before throwing him out the front door and slamming it behind him.

The whole time, I didn't hear Jacob say a word. He groaned and grunted a few times when Edward hit him, and I couldn't help but think that that's exactly what he would have sounded like had he achieved what he was planning on doing to me.

My stomach turned and I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep myself from throwing up. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the image.

The next thing I knew, I was in my bed. When I came to, my head was throbbing and my mouth felt like I had spent the entire night licking the pavement. I slowly opened my eyes, groaning as the harsh sunlight scorched my retinas.

_What the hell happened? _

I slowly sat up, trying not to further aggravate the hammer pounding nails into my brain. I cursed myself internally for putting the aspirin in the kitchen cabinet and not the bathroom cabinet as I swung my legs over the side of my bed. My foot connected with my bathroom trashcan.

"What the…?" I tried to remember how I got to bed last night, but came up with nothing. I figured I must have put the trashcan there in case I threw up.

I was far more concerned with getting some drugs in me that would cure this excruciating headache.

As I padded down the hallway and towards the kitchen, something caught my peripheral vision that made me stop short.

A bucket, sitting on the carpet by the front door, filled with a pinkish liquid. A sponge floated on top of the fluid. Next to the bucket was a large reddish-pinkish stain.

_What the fuck?!_

As I moved closer to examine the stain on the carpet, something moved out of the corner of my eye. My hand flew to my mouth to muffle the shriek escaping my lips. Once I realized what the giant lump on my couch was, I calmed down a bit.

Edward was fast asleep, clutching a couch pillow, a sheet tangled in his legs. He snored softly as he slumbered.

Now I was freaked out. I had no idea what had happened the night before; there was what looked like a giant bloodstain on my carpet, and Edward had spent the night. None of it made any sense.

I figured I would ask Edward when he woke up, before I kicked him out. I was still livid with him for what had happened the day before, and really had no desire to talk to him at all.

As I turned to walk back into the kitchen, the entire night suddenly came flooding back to me.

Drinks. Lots of drinks.

Jacob, the personal trainer from the gym.

Heading back to my apartment, flirting in Jacob's car.

Me, on the couch, my shirt ripped off, with Jacob hovering over me.

My worst fears coming true.

Edward appearing out of nowhere, pulling Jacob off of me and beating the shit out of him.

"Oh my God…" I felt dizzy with all this information streaking through my head and had to steady myself on the kitchen counter.

I felt nauseas with the realization of what almost happened to me the night before. If Edward hadn't showed up…

"Oh my God!" I said again. I suddenly had an irresistible urge to take a shower; a scalding hot shower.

I rushed back to my room, peeling my clothes off as fast as I could. I turned the shower on to as hot as I could handle and jumped in. I immediately began scrubbing my skin as hard as I could with my loofa.

I felt disgusting.

How could I have been so fucking stupid? I could have been _killed _by this guy last night. I naively bought his act as the "nice guy" in the beginning of the night. No wonder he was so eager to pay the bartender every time I ordered a drink, saying, "No! No, let me get it!" when I would pull out my wallet. Thinking back, I remembered him sipping on one, maybe two beers the entire night. I kept pounding drink after drink, and he would watch me, sipping his bottle, his smile getting bigger and bigger with each empty glass I put down on the bar.

I thought he was being friendly.

He was making his plans.

Out of nowhere, my stomach decided to empty its contents, which really wasn't much. I threw up bile and brown liquid all over the bathtub and my feet.

Puking made me feel a little bit better.

I continued with the scrubbing, rubbing and rubbing my skin until it was red and burning. I kept this up until the hot water ran out.

I still didn't feel clean.

I decided to take another shower in an hour or so once the hot water came back. I stepped out of the bathtub wrapping a towel around myself.

I could hear noise coming from the living room. Some banging and water running and cursing, so I knew Edward was awake. I had to figure out how I was going to approach him. My plan to kick him out was now off the table. If it wasn't for him, who knew where I would be right now. I practically owed him my life.

The feelings I had towards him were severely conflicting. One part of me was still really, _really _mad about what happened between us yesterday, while the other part of me was eternally grateful for him to have been there for me last night.

Which brought up the question, why _was _he here last night?

I had to talk to him.

I got dressed as quickly as possible, well, as fast as my pounding head would allow me to. I carefully inched open my door and peeked down the hallway. I could see half of Edward's body; he was sitting down on the floor scrubbing furiously at the stain on the carpet. It didn't look easy, what he was doing. He was sitting in an awkward position to be scrubbing the floor, with his broken leg stretched out in front of him. It didn't seem like he could get enough pressure on the carpet to really do anything.

I crept down the hallway, trying to be as quiet as possible. I thought in the thirty seconds it took me to get to Edward, I might be able to figure out what I wanted to say to him.

He looked up just as I reached the end of the hallway. His face went from frustrated to relieved.

"Hey…" he said, giving me a halfhearted smile. "How are you feeling?"

I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. "Like shit."

He just stared at me. I could see a million questions burning behind his eyes, but he stayed silent.

I had a million questions of my own, but I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence. So I pushed myself up from the wall and walked to the kitchen. I popped four aspirin and downed a glass of water before Edward was able to struggle his way over to me. He kept a safe distance standing in the dining room and continued to stare at me.

After a few more seconds of silence he asked, "What happened?" His voice was soft and calm. I wondered how much practice it took him to be able to say the words with any sort of composure.

I slowly put the glass on the counter and turned around. I shrugged. "I was going to ask you the same question."

Edward cocked his head to the side and pushed his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

I rubbed my forehead. "I had _a lot_ to drink last night. I don't remember much."

"You don't remember almost being—"

"Don't say that word," I cut Edward off, putting my hands up in front of me.

"So you do remember what happened." Edward crossed his arms in front of him. I could see his temper starting to flare a bit. His composure was becoming strained.

I avoided his statement, turning the water on in the sink to wash my glass. I really didn't want to have to explain myself to him, and I had no idea what to say. So I settled on changing the subject. "Why were you here last night?"

The look on Edward's face showed that he caught on to what I was trying to do, but he played along. He sighed heavily before answering. "I came over to apologize for yesterday, since you weren't answering any of my calls… I couldn't sleep until I talked to you. I felt awful."

His statement reminded me that I didn't know where the hell my purse was. "Oh shit, I don't even know where my phone is."

Edward turned around and picked up my bag off the kitchen table. "It was wedged in the couch cushions."

I took it from him and dug my phone out. I had five missed calls from Edward, three from Alice and two voicemails, along with seven texts, probably all from Alice. I'd check them later. I tossed the phone on the counter and looked back to Edward expectantly.

He rolled his eyes. "Things got blown way out of proportion yesterday. That's why I wanted to talk to you. You don't know Alice by now?" He looked exasperated. "You know how she exaggerates."

I wasn't happy with his explanation.

He continued, "I never said I wanted nothing to do with you. You have to understand how hard this is for me. I _hate_ seeing you hurt, and that's all I feel like I do to you: hurt you. It makes me so uncomfortable and I know that sounds selfish, because whatever I'm going through, it's gotta be ten times worse for you. I thought though, that maybe if I distanced myself from you and stopped hurting you so damn much that maybe it would make things easier on you. Alice didn't want me doing that, so she shows up at my door with that stupid Xbox, telling me to just keep trying." He took a breath. "And when we had lunch yesterday, I genuinely had a lot of fun. I felt like maybe things were starting to work out… And that maybe if I couldn't remember you, we could still have some sort of relationship. I don't want you out of my life at all and the more I thought about it, the more it hurt _me._"

He stopped with his rambling and again, his hands went to his hair. "I came over and when I got to the front door, I was about to knock and I heard you scream. I opened the door and I saw that…" He took a shuddering breath and dropped his hands. His eyes were blazing. "He was on top of you, and you were screaming. And I wanted to _kill_ him. This… I don't know, feeling took over my entire body and I wanted him _dead._" He looked back up at me. "Who was he?"

I was speechless. It took me a second to find my head again. "Some guy I uh," my voice came out strangled so I cleared my throat. "I met him at the gym. He gave me his card. I just wanted someone to talk to."

Edward hobbled over to me and without warning, enveloped me in a hug. I was so severely caught off guard, I had to steady myself against the counter before wrapping my arms around him. "Thank you," I muffled into his shirt. I inhaled his woodsy scent and everything felt almost normal again.

"Don't do that again, ok?" He whispered. I felt his breath in my hair and I got the sudden urge to cry. I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes before he could see my emotion.

A sudden thought occurred to me. "How did you even get over here?" I asked. "And how did you know where I live?" He hadn't been to my apartment since before the accident. He must have called Alice or something.

"Oh," Edward looked surprised. "Wow, I don't know… I called a cab and I just… Knew where to go." He smiled at me. "Weird."

"Yeah, weird." I wanted to get excited at what he had just told me, but I had been disappointed over and over again lately, so I tucked it away to get excited over later, maybe when he had shown more progress.

I glanced at the stain on the carpet. "That's his, right? His blood?"

Edward looked behind him. "Yeah, sorry about that. I spent half the night and all morning trying to get it out."

"It's ok," I said, shivering. "Ugh, now I feel like I need another shower."

"Didn't you just take one?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, but I feel really gross after what happened last night," I explained.

"Well, go take another one, and I'll finish trying to get that stain up, and then we can have some breakfast?" Edward asked hopefully.

I smiled at him. "Sure." As I turned to walk past him, he caught my arm and pulled me into another hug.

"Don't do that again, please? I _do_ care about you, ok?" He placed a tentative kiss on my forehead and released me. I thrilled at his lips on my skin.

I had no idea what to think anymore. All my feelings of anger towards Edward were gone. I had no desire to "move on" anymore like I was thinking about last night… But I was still unsure of exactly what I wanted. All I knew was that I was getting tired of this yo-yo routine we were going through. Up and down, up and down. Last night, I felt like I was at my lowest point, and right now, I felt like I was flying.

I wasn't sure how much longer my body could handle this rollercoaster.

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**Ok, sorry _again_ that this chapter took so long. I'm not even entirely happy with it... I wrote it in a bit of a rush just so I could get it up for you few dedicated readers. That's how much I love ya'll. :) I sincerely hope it didn't offend anyone... **

**Anyway, the reason it took me so long this time around is because I am working on something new! It's a little darker, and a LOT smuttier then this one. It's a one shot, and I should have it up soon, once I can get it perfected. So if you're interested, put me on author alert! **

**Again, thank you for all the reviews. It makes my day when I see them in my inbox. Much love. :) *muah***


	12. Chapter Eleven: Freedom

**Author's Note: Sorry this update took so long... I know I have excuses every time, but I was just turned off of the world of fanfic for a little while and had no desire to write. I couldn't stay away long though, so I'm back with my longest chapter yet! After the last angsty chapter, I felt like we all needed a break, so you'll get a lot of cute fluff in this one (with just a bit of angst thrown in, I can't keep anything angst free, lol). **

**Hello to my new readers! A BIG thank you to TwiFicPromtions for promoting Remember Me, and I'm so glad you all are on this crazy rollercoaster with me. I love you all. :)**

**And one more quick note: I don't know how long it takes for x-ray films to process, so just pretend like they take an hour, ok? I did quite a bit of research for this chapter and by the time I hit that part, I was sick of researching. So for the sake of the story, they take no longer then 60 minutes, k? :) Thanks to Wikipedia, Yahoo!Answers, EHow and some YouTube videos for some info in this chapter. :)**

**Please, PLEASE, if you have questions, comments, anything at all, please don't hesitate to message me. **

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN - FREEDOM**

"_Bella, it's me. _Again._ Will you please answer your phone? Or call me back? I need to talk to you! I don't know how many times I have to say I'm sorry for what happened, I over-reacted! Please call me back. And I can't get a hold of Edward and he's not at his apartment and I'm getting worr—" _

I shut my phone. Jesus, was I getting tired of having to check my voicemail every five minutes. Alice would not let up. She had been bombarding me with calls and texts practically nonstop for the past two days. Half of them were begging me to call her back so she could "apologize for what happened for the billionth time" and half of them were asking if I knew where Edward was, as he was shutting her out too.

Edward had been camping out on my couch since what I now referred to as "the incident." His explanation for our slumber party was that since Jacob knew where I lived, he was afraid that he was going to come back and try to finish what he started. I think it was because he knew Alice would be banging his door down and he didn't want to deal with her.

Either way, I had been giddy with excitement when he asked if he could sleep over. I hated that I allowed myself to get so wound up but I really couldn't help myself.

We really had been having a good time. I felt like we were ten again, only without the whispers so we wouldn't wake up our parents and with a little bit of wine added. I didn't allow myself to get too drunk around Edward. My tongue tended to loosen when I had alcohol in my system and I didn't want to say something I'd regret later.

We reminisced, well, I reminisced, Edward listened. I talked about elementary school; how we insisted our parents call the school to make sure we got in the same class every year and about when Edward put a tack on the music teacher's chair and got suspended for a month.

I talked about when he got the chicken pox, and how my mom would make me homemade chicken soup to take over to his house and how we would play connect the dots with the sores. It was the only thing that would keep his mind off the itching.

I talked about the bus trip we took to Disneyland when we were in the sixth grade and how he got sick on Space Mountain and forced us to spend almost the whole day in our hotel room.

I talked about Homecoming our sophomore year of high school, and how Edward somehow made it onto the Homecoming court. There was a big up rise in the upper class about an underclassmen being on court, but me and Alice had an amazing time handing out flyers and making pins to help him get votes. He didn't win, but it was one of the highlights of our high school career. He won Homecoming King our senior year anyway, so it all worked out in the end.

I talked about the bouquets of dandelions he used to make for me, starting when he was about five up until right before his accident.

"I saved one from every bouquet you made me," I explained sipping my wine.

"You did not!" Edward's face crinkled up and the very subtle dimples in his cheeks appeared. "They're just weeds!"

"They were special weeds," I shrugged. "I have them all in a box in my closet."

"I don't believe you," Edward said skeptically. He gulped his wine and pursed his lips at me. His eyes sparkled.

"I'll show you!" I hopped up from the couch, the blanket over my legs falling into a heap on the floor. I bounded to my room, snatched the box off the closet shelf and skipped back to Edward. "Here," I said holding the box out to him.

With an amused look on his face and a small roll of his eyes, Edward lifted the lid off the box and gasped at the pile of about a hundred pressed flowers piled on top of each other in the small shoebox.

"They're really delicate, so be careful," I said sitting down next to him. I picked up my wine glass and watched him gently pick up one of the flowers and examine it.

"How did you keep them intact like this?"

"I press them and spray them with hairspray to preserve them. You still have to be careful with them though."

"Hairspray?"

"Yeah, I read somewhere that it gives them extra protection." I grabbed the wine bottle off the coffee table and poured myself another small glass. "It seems to have worked."

"And you've kept them all these years?" Edward asked, gently replacing the flower and closing the box.

I nodded my head silently.

"Wow," Edward whispered. He kept the box on his lap for a few minutes, his hands resting lightly on the lid.

When I couldn't stand the silence anymore, I broke it by saying, "More wine?"

"Oh!" Edward looked startled. "Yeah, thanks." He tenderly placed the box on the table.

Each night he had been over I had fallen asleep next to him on the couch and every morning I would wake up in my bed. I'm not sure how he got me there, with his broken leg and all. I could have woken up and walked myself there for all I knew; I was a heavy sleeper. Once I was out, I was out.

That third morning, I found Edward eating a bowl of cereal, flipping through his phone. He looked irritated as he snapped it shut.

I yawned as I padded into the kitchen. "Alice?" I asked.

"Yeah," Edward tossed his phone on the table and took a bite of his Life. "She's threatening now. 'If you don't text me or call me I'll never talk to you again.'"

I rolled my eyes as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "Why is your sister so over dramatic?"

Edward shrugged. "Don't know. None of the rest of us are like that." He stood up and hobbled to the sink, standing right next to me as he rinsed his bowl out. "She did remind me though, that I needed to ask you for a favor."

"What's that?" I asked blowing on my coffee to cool it off.

"I have a doctor's appointment today," he pointed down at the cast on his leg. "I have to get some x-rays to see when I can get this bitch off."

I snorted into my coffee. "Really, Edward?"

He started pouting, jutting out his lower lip like a four year old. "Please?"

"How can I resist that face?" I cooed. My hand twitched, wanting to reach up and pinch his cheek; something I would have done before the accident, but decided against it. I kept my hands firmly wrapped around my coffee cup. "What time is your appointment?"

"One." He leaned onto the counter. "If you wanna swing by my apartment afterwards, I can grab some clothes and stuff, so I don't have to wear these over and over." He smirked. "I mean, if you want to."

I almost choked on my coffee. "You don't have to do that." I sputtered, trying to catch my breath.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Do what?"

"Stay over here. I'll be fine. If Jacob hasn't come back yet, I doubt he will."

Edward's face went from confused to hurt. "You don't want me to stay over here?"

"No!" I put my coffee down and put my hands up. "It's not that at all. I just don't want you to feel obligated."

The confused look returned. "I don't feel obligated. I thought we were having fun?" The tone in his voice made it clear I had hurt his feelings.

"No, no!" I tried to backtrack. "I just mean if you feel like you have other stuff you need to be doing, I'll understand."

"I wouldn't have offered to stay here if I didn't want to," Edward said pushing himself up off the counter. "If you don't want me to…"

"No!" I _had _to stop saying that word. "I mean, of course I love having your company here."

"Then go get dressed—" Edward shot an annoyed look at his phone, which chose that moment to chirp that he had a new text message. "—Jesus, Alice!"

I looked on, amused, as Edward staggered back over to the table and picked up his phone. "What does it say?" I asked. "More threats?"

"No, we're onto guilt trips now. It says, 'Edward, my life is so empty without you in it. I need you big brother. Please call me back.'" He frowned. "Geez, she's laying it on thick."

I rolled my eyes. "You should know better then anyone how manipulative she is. Girl always has to have her way."

Edward waved at me as he furiously typed a response into his phone. "I'll take care of it." He glanced up at me. "Go get ready."

"Aye aye, sir." I mock saluted him and padded down the hallway to my room to take a quick shower.

An hour later had us sitting in the hospital waiting room. Edward was bouncing his knee nervously as he flipped carelessly through a _Highlights_ magazine. Every few minutes he would glance at his phone.

"Will you stop that?" I demanded. "You're making me nervous."

"Alice stopped texting me," Edward answered. I couldn't tell if this made him happy or sad.

"And…?"

"And nothing, I was just letting you know." Edward's tone was irritated and I had to stop myself from smiling. He used that tone of voice with me all the time before, and it made me feel a twinge of normalcy sitting next to him.

Edward caught the smirk pulling at the corner of my mouth, even though I tried to hide it. "What?"

"Nothing!" I said, shaking my head.

"Seriously, what?" The tone was back, and I couldn't help but start giggling. This made Edward even more irritated. "What's so funny?"

I composed myself. "The way you're talking to me. It's so…_normal_."

"What? How's that funny?"

"That tone in your voice. You used to use it with me all the time before. It's weird."

"Oh," Edward smiled. "Its strange how stuff like that comes out when I'm not thinking about it."

"Yeah, strange…" I trailed off. I didn't have time to complete my thought as the nurse called Edward back then.

"Cullen!" She barked. She had a sharp voice that rang in my ears. I didn't like it.

Edward stood up awkwardly on his crutches. He knew he was supposed to have been using them this entire time. He also knew his doctor would ream him if he found out he hadn't been using them, so he decided to suck it up and bring them to the appointment. He looked at me expectantly. "You coming?"

"If you want me to," I said, standing up and slinging my purse over my shoulder.

"Come, don't come, let's go guys!" The nurse slapped her clipboard against her leg impatiently.

"Jesus," I mumbled glancing up at Edward. He was trying hard not to laugh as he swung himself through the open door. The nurse led us into another room to wait and slammed the door behind her.

"Christ," Edward looked at the closed door with a look of fear on his face. "I hope she doesn't come back."

"Talk about hating your job…" I muttered.

"Speaking of job," Edward interrupted. "When are you going back to yours?" He collapsed on a cot covered in white paper. The sheet ripped in half under his weight.

"How did you know about that?" I asked.

"Alice," Edward shrugged.

Of course. Alice.

"Whenever I want," I said. "I still have about two months left of vacation if I want to take it. My boss hired a temp right before this all happened, so they're not struggling without me. I keep in touch with my supervisor. He's great."

"Oh," was all Edward said.

The awkward conversation was interrupted by the door opening. Me and Edward held our breaths, waiting for the insane nurse to come back in but it was Edward's doctor.

"Mr. Cullen!" He was far too cheery. "How are we today?"

Edward glanced at me, his eyes wide, giving me a "is he crazy?" look.

"_We_ are fine, thanks," he said, stifling a laugh.

"Ready to check that leg out?" The doctor asked.

"You have no idea," Edward answered, hopping back up on his crutches.

The next twenty minutes was spent sitting in a tiny room, watching Edward lay on a table covered in a blue mat, which was supposed to block the x-rays from penetrating the rest of his body. The doctor took a bunch of pictures of his leg, well, it seemed that way from the soft, little _brrrrrrrooooommmm-beeeep _sound I heard every five seconds.

Another hour later had us back in the little room we were rudely pushed into by the waiting room nurse. The doctor followed us in shortly after with a bunch of black and white films in his hand. He turned the lights off and flipped on another switch. A large white box illuminated in the middle of the wall.

"All your x-rays look great, Edward," he said popping the films into the backlit frame. He used his pen to point out things us less educated people couldn't make out. "That's the tibia," he ran his pen along a long thick bone. "Thankfully, this one escaped injury, otherwise you'd have a much longer and tougher healing time." He moved his pen over to a smaller bone behind the thicker one. "This is the fibula. This is the one you fractured in the accident."

"How's it look?" Edward asked, squinting at the pictures.

"Well," the doctor looked down at his chart. "Typically, a simple, closed fracture such as this one takes anywhere from four to six weeks to heal on average." He brought the pen back up to the image. "From what I can see here, the bone has fused back together much more quickly than normal."

"What's that mean?" Edward asked. You could hear the hope in his voice.

"Well, if you're comfortable with it, we can take the cast off—"

"Yes!" Edward bellowed, pumping his fist in the air like a ten year old.

"But—" The doctor interrupted Edward's celebration. "I'd like to keep you on crutches for a couple more weeks to ease your leg back into everyday activity."

Edward's happiness was visibly subdued and he stuck his lip out like a child. I smacked his good leg playfully.

"I'm sure you're sick of having that cast on?" The doctor asked.

"You have no idea," Edward answered.

The doctor flipped a few more pages on Edward's chart and said, "Gimmie a few minutes and we'll get it off, ok?" He walked out of the room, flipping the light back on behind him.

A few minutes turned into thirty, and me and Edward ended up quizzing each other about ourselves.

"When's my birthday?" Edward asked.

"Will they all be this easy?" I mocked. "Hmmm, let me think." I put my finger to my chin and looked up at the ceiling.

"Answer the question!" Edward laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "June 20th." I looked at him expectantly. "When's mine?"

"Alice told me!" Edward exclaimed. He thought for a minute and said, "September… fourteenth?"

I couldn't stop a smile from tugging at the corners of my mouth. I had to give him credit for trying. "Close," I said. "The thirteenth."

"Going in my date book," Edward said teasingly.

"My favorite color?" I asked.

"Green," Edward answered without hesitating.

I was taken aback. "Quick answer. How'd you know that? Alice tell you that too?"

"No," Edward shook his head. "I have my ways."

"How?" I insisted.

Edward shrugged. "I'm just observant, that's all."

I let this sink in. "Oh."

"My favorite color?"

"Edward, this game doesn't work well both ways," I said. "I've known you since we were five. Why would I not know your favorite color?"

Edward's pouting started back up again. "Fine. You just ask me stuff then."

"Don't be a baby."

"I'm not being a baby!" Edward was mock offended. "Ask away, Isabella."

"Don't call me that," I demanded.

"Oooooh," Edward wiggled his fingers at me. "I hit a nerve?"

I crossed my arms and didn't respond to him, giving him the silent treatment, just as I would to anyone who called me Isabella. Most people knew better. I suppose I could have cut Edward some slack, but it was all in good fun.

"Oh no," Edward stuck out that damn bottom lip again. He leaned forward and poked my ribs. "Are you mad?"

'Don't!" I giggled, pulling away from his reach.

"Oh, is Bella ticklish?" Edward teased standing up. He had a mischievous look on his face that I did _not _like.

"I'm warning you," I said, holding my hands up. "Don't!"

"Whatcha gonna do, Belly-bean?" Edward taunted. He took a step forward and his hands were on my sides, his fingers mercilessly digging into my ribs.

"Edw—Stop—Ohmy—Stop—!" I shrieked, unable to catch my breath. I futilely tried to push his hands away from me, bit I was breathless with giggles and couldn't get a good grip on his wrists.

"Am I interrupting?" The doctor walked back into the room, followed by a much nicer looking nurse. They brought with them several tools, one being a pair of long scissors, what looked like a pair of pliers, and a small handsaw connected to a long tube.

"Oh!" Edward stumbled backwards back into his chair. "Sorry!"

I was trying hard to catch my breath. Not only from the relentless tickling, but lately, anytime Edward put his hands on me, I had a physical reaction. I was still trying to figure out what his actions meant, when the doctor spoke up again.

"Ready, Edward?" The doctor set up the tools on a small table next to the cot. He plugged the saw into the wall.

Edward's eyes got big when he saw the contraption, and I'm not sure if it was from excitement or fear.

I watched as the doctor and nurse sawed, pried, cut and pulled on Edward's cast. Edward was fascinated with the process and tried to watch as closely as possible. I kept my distance, being a bit freaked out by the loud, annoying sound the saw was emitting.

Edward's leg came out of the cast looking a little feeble. You could see the difference in size between it and his good leg; he had lost a noticeable amount of muscle. And it was shrively and kind of made the room smell musty.

"That's gross," I complained, once the process was over.

Edward stuck his tongue out at me.

"Want to stand up?" The doctor asked. Edward tentatively pushed up off the cot and stood on both legs. "How's it feel?"

"Good!" Edward exclaimed, throwing his arms over his head. He could be so childish sometimes, but it really was endearing. His excitement was adorable.

The doctor ran a few tests, checking Edward's leg for strength, muscle tone and balance. Everything checked out and we left the hospital with strict instructions for Edward to keep using the crutches and to be easy on his injured leg. He had an appointment in two weeks to check on his progress.

Of course, the second we got out of the hospital doors, Edward hopped off the crutches and threw them over his shoulder.

"Edward…" I warned.

"I'm fine, mom," Edward mocked.

"The doctor told you—"

"Bella, I'll use them if I need them, ok?" That tone was back, but it had a more playful edge to it. He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling.

I dropped the subject. If he wanted to screw up his healing process, I guess that was his problem. I _wasn't_ his mother, so I kept my mouth shut and let him do what he wanted.

We drove to his apartment in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence; a peaceful silence. I thought we had both felt that our relationship was jumping to a new level. After the past few days, I felt a lot closer to the _new _Edward, and I was positive he felt the same. I took the time to reflect on this during the short drive.

We reached his apartment quickly and Edward hopped out of the car enthusiastically. I bit my tongue and held back my warning for him to take it easy. He practically skipped from the carport to the walkway.

Coming up on the sidewalk leading to Edward's apartment, we both locked on the last thing we wanted to see, sitting on his front porch, toying with her phone.

Alice.

As soon as she spotted us, she scrambled up and started running towards us.

"Oh great," Edward mumbled next to me, his excitement gone. "You want to go wait in the car?"

"No," I said. I could feel the rage beginning to build up inside of me and I had to fight to control the urge to meet Alice and slap her across the face. "I'll be fine."

"Edward!" Alice practically bounded into Edward's arms. "I was so worried about you!" Her voice caught as she buried her face in his shirt. He made no move to embrace her.

I stopped awkwardly next to them, waiting to see what Edward would do. Alice _was_ his sister, and if he wanted to forgive so easily, that was his choice. I, on the other hand, was _not_ family and was not ready to just forget everything she said to me a few days ago. I would support Edward in whatever he wanted to do, but at the moment, I honestly wanted nothing to do with Alice.

Sensing she hadn't gotten any sort of response from Edward, Alice looked up at him. She sniffled a few times before stepping back and surveying him, then me. I stood a few feet away, my arms crossed, picking at my nails, not wanting to give her the opportunity to make eye contact with me.

"You got your cast off," Alice whispered, looking down at Edward's leg. "How does it feel?"

"Fine," Edward snapped with no elaboration.

Alice pursed her lips thoughtfully, obviously at a loss for words. She wrapped her arms around herself in what looked like an effort to keep herself from falling to pieces. A few minutes of silence passed. _This_ was an uncomfortable silence, and I internally cursed myself for not taking the chance to go to the car when it was offered to me.

"What do you want Alice?" Edward's broke the quiet; his voice was like ice.

Alice scoffed. "What do you mean, what do I want?" She threw her arms back out. "What have I been calling you and texting you for for the past week?"

"I don't know," Edward snapped. "It seems to me you only care about your own feelings. Wanting me to call you back because _you_ feel bad. Wanting to apologize to Bella to make _yourself_ feel better. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what you want me to say."

Alice was silent, so Edward continued. "You saying you're sorry isn't going to change what you did. It won't change you twisting my words around and attacking Bella for no reason. It won't take back the reason that I'm staying over at Bella's."

"What happen—"

"No," Edward interrupted her. "It's something Bella can talk to you about if she wants."

I could feel both of their eyes on me, but I continued to pick at my nails.

"Bella, I—"

"Alice, I don't want to hear it," I cut her off, looking up. Her face was tear stained and blotchy; she looked really pathetic. It didn't make me feel sorry enough for her to offer _my_ sympathy. "Take the hint. I _don't_ want to talk to you."

Alice's voice dropped to a whisper. "I just want to know what will make this better." I could tell she was on the verge of crying again. I didn't know if she genuinely felt bad or if it was all an act, but I really didn't care.

I shrugged. "You know I'm not one to hold grudges. I'll get over it. Eventually."

Edward looked between the two of us before pushing past Alice. "Bella, come on."

"Edward!" Alice grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Please! I want to talk to you!"

"No!" Edward yanked his arm out of Alice's grasp. She looked alarmed at his outburst and pulled her hand back like she was afraid Edward was going to bite it. "You don't listen, Alice! You don't get it!" He turned back towards her. "Understand, that _neither_ of us want anything to do with you right now! If we did, we would have responded to the literally thousands of calls and texts you've been bombarding us with!" Alice shrunk back as his tirade continued. "You fucked up Alice! You brought this on yourself! Your own selfish actions caused your misery! So stop thinking more of your fucking talking to us will fix it!"

I, too, was a little taken aback at Edward's explosion, but a little part of me was tickled at how he kept using the word "us," which was insanely inappropriate considering the circumstances.

I'm sure Alice would have been sobbing if she wasn't so shocked. I knew Edward had never talked to her like that. He was always fiercely protective of his little sister and wouldn't put up with _anyone_ treating her like that, let alone doing it himself.

Without another word, Alice brushed past me, and walked briskly toward her car. I saw her hand go up to her mouth, and I knew she was trying not to cry. I almost felt sorry for her, bit like Edward said, she brought this upon herself. She needed to learn not to meddle so much in other's people's lives and if Edward was the one who needed to teach her that lesson, so be it. _Someone_ had to do it.

I looked at Edward. He was focusing on Alice's retreating car with a pained look on his face. "Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah." Edward looked down at his hands before bringing them up to his head and pulling on his hair. "That really sucked."

"I know," I said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know how much you love her."

"Yeah," Edward brought his eyes to mine. "But she messed up."

Not knowing what to say, I just nodded my head. Edward started walking slowly towards his apartment, and I followed. His light and excited mood from earlier was gone. I knew it was killing him to treat his little sister the way he was, and it's not like I felt that she _deserved_ to be yelled at and berated, but like Edward said, she messed up. She needed to learn that there were repercussions for her actions.

I helped Edward put an overnight bag together. I wanted, again, to make sure he was really ok with staying over at my apartment, and wasn't just doing it because he felt bad, but the angry look on his face kept my mouth shut.

"Hey, go sit down," I said when I saw him wince in pain for the fifth time. It was painfully obvious he had come off his adrenaline high from getting the cast off, and I knew he was hurting. "I know what you need for a sleepover."

"I'm fine," he insisted. But I could tell he wasn't. Every time he put any weight on his bad leg, he flinched.

"That's why the doctor told you to stay on the crutches," I said, tossing him his deodorant. "Go rest for a few minutes. I'll finish this and go get your crutches out of the car."

I could tell Edward wanted to argue with me, but he stopped himself. Instead, he hopped into the living room, wordlessly, and I heard him collapse on the couch.

I knew his "tough guy" act about being able to handle walking without the crutches wouldn't last long. The doctor wouldn't tell him to use them unless he knew he needed them.

I finished putting his bag together and walked out to the living room. I passed a very angry Edward, fuming on the couch. His good mood from earlier was completely gone, his happiness at getting his cast off early ruined by his fight with Alice.

I sighed as I slipped out the front door and took his bag to the car. I grabbed the crutches out of the backseat and awkwardly carried them back to his apartment.

I came back in at the tail end of a phone call. Edward looked upset, and I didn't want to be nosy, so I leaned his crutches against the couch and went into the bathroom. Clicking the door shut behind me, I could hear little snippets of Edward's side of the phone call. Occasional outburst and "sorrys" and a little bit of sniffling. He must have been talking to his mom.

When I was sure the phone call was over, I walked carefully back out into the living room. I tried to act as normal as possible and said, "You ready?"

"My parents are throwing a party tomorrow," Edward said in response.

"Oh, is that who you were talking to?"

"Yeah," Edward crossed his arms. "My mom wants to 'celebrate' my cast coming off."

"Ok, well, that should be fun…?" My voice trailed up into a question. From the sound of it, it didn't sound like it would be fun at all.

"Alice will be there." Edward's eyes darkened.

"Oh," was all I said. I didn't know how to respond to him. I didn't even know if I was invited.

Edward answered my question with his next statement. "My mom thinks the three of us should 'work out our problems.'"

"Well, mother always knows best right?" I was trying to be funny, but Edward just wasn't in the mood anymore.

"We'll see." Edward stood up and stalked out the front door.

I guess we _would _see tomorrow.

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**Worth the wait? I hope so! *hides head in shame* **

**One of you awesome readers pointed out to me that I have had no interaction with any of the other Cullens since Edward woke up! I've been so wrapped up in Edward and Bella's relationship and Alice's bitchiness that I completely forgot about everyone else! So, in the next chapter, you'll get some appearances from the rest of the Cullen clan! :)**

**Review lovlies! Seeing reviews in my inbox motivates me to write! Much love! *muah!***


	13. Chapter Twelve: Gathering

***crickets chirping***

**Anyone still out there? **

**...**

**Geez, I've been awful, I know. I blame The University of Edward Masen (by taking over a full week of my time when I read every single chapter back to back and making me feel like the shittiest writer in the world. Have you all read that story? It's fucking _phenomenal_) and a couple other fics for taking up way too much of my time, Super Mario Galaxy and Eclipse of course. I've been distracted! I apologize. :)**

**I've had this chapter done for a few days now, but I've been re-reading it over and over and obsessing over it. There's something about it that's bugging me, but that just may be me being overly self-critical of myself. **

**Meh, I'll let you all be the judges.**

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**CHAPTER TWELVE - GATHERING**

I wasn't exactly looking forward to this party.

Edward had been practically mute since the phone call from his mother. The ride back to my apartment was silent and tense. I had wanted to comfort him, tell him everything was going to be ok, but I was afraid my words would make things worse, so I stayed quiet.

Once we got to my house, I wordlessly helped him carry his bag inside. We were in the door a total of ten seconds when Edward flung his crutches to the floor and collapsed on my couch. He grabbed the remote and flipped the TV on.

I gently set his bag down next to the couch and walked to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I didn't understand why he was acting the way he was. I _could_ understand that he was upset. _I_ was still mad as hell. But what I didn't comprehend was the _severity_ of his anger. Alice didn't even directly do anything to harm him, and he was always to fiercely protective of Alice, even if she did do him wrong.

The hope that maybe, just _maybe_, he was acting like this because he felt some sort of reason to protect _me_ was bubbling just beneath the surface, but I kept the longing at bay, knowing if I allowed myself to think that way, I was setting myself up for another round of heartbreak.

After hours of his silence and him endlessly flipping through the channels on the TV, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward."

He glanced at me, pausing his continuous channel changing. His eyes were tired and dull; the usual bright emerald color of his irises had tarnished, turning a flat shade of dark green; they had no depth, no passion.

"Talk to me."

"About what."

"What's bothering you?" I tentatively reached forward and put my hand on his knee. My touch was all it took to get a reaction out of him. He tossed the remote on the table and sat up, bringing his fists to his eyes and rubbing furiously.

"She's such a hypocrite, Bella!" He brought his eyes to mine, and I could _feel _the pain undulating out of them. The muted jade in his eyes brightened, turning fierce and intense. I ached with him. I took a deep breath, ready to respond to him, but my mind came up blank. I had no idea what to say to Edward. So he continued. "She was so adamant about me making sure I made this as easy on you as possible! When I was uncomfortable and upset over how I was making you feel, she was always behind me, pushing me, prodding me, to keep you in my life, to make sure I didn't abandon you when you needed me most!"

I looked down at my hands, breaking my gaze from his. I had the sudden urge to cry and I didn't want him to see the moisture building up behind my eyelids.

Edward was silent for only a moment. When he spoke again, his voice had dropped an octave. "What did she do, Bella?" His breathing was heavy; he sounded like he was going to start crying too.

I looked back up at him, letting the tears spill, hot onto my cheeks. My voice came out in a whisper. "She abandoned me."

Edward was at my side in a flash, embracing me. His face was pushed in my hair in his words came out muffled. "I can't say I understand why I feel the way I do about you, but the fact that you're hurting _kills_ me." He pulled back and looked into my eyes, his hands gripping my arms. His face was inches from mine; I could smell his breath: sweet and heady. It made my head swim.

I had the overwhelming urge to lean forward, just those few inches, and capture Edward's lips in mine. It would be effortless, easy. My breathing hitched at the thought; the idea of feeling Edward's soft lips on mine again after so long… It was overpowering. The one kiss we experienced after finally expressing our feelings to each other seemed like forever ago. If I would have known then what was coming, I never would have stopped that kiss. I had almost forgotten what his lips felt like, what he tasted like. I was aching to be reminded.

I wanted to reach up and run my finger around the planes of his face. Across his forehead, smoothing the wrinkles that seemed permanently etched there… Over his eyelashes, thick and a mixture of brown and blonde and red; he's always had the most gorgeous envy-worthy eyelashes… Across his lips, full and pouty and red and so inviting…

One look into Edward's sea green eyes told me that he was as conflicted as I was. I could see the war raging inside him; the want and desire but also the fear and apprehension.

Both of us wanted the same thing but neither of us could work up the courage to make it happen.

Not a second could have passed since Edward pulled away from me and caught me in his gaze. It felt like a lifetime; I truly could have spent forever trapped in his stare, forever in this moment.

Edward broke the tension by emitting a small cough and looking down at his lap. He brought one of his hands to his hair where it snaked into the bronze mess and pulled furiously at the strands.

_Old habits die hard. _

"Um." Edward scooted a few inches away from me and leaned against the arm rest of the couch.

I decided to change the subject. "Are you hungry?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Um, sure, what do you have in mind?" His voice was hoarse.

I shrugged, keeping my gaze from his face. "Pizza?"

The next few hours were uncomfortable. The pizza arrived and we ate in silence, except for the occasional offer to Edward of another beer when I noticed his was empty. MTV reality droned out of the TV, but neither of us was paying attention.

When I felt like it was late enough, I excused myself to bed. "Do you need anything before I go?"

Edward shook his head and sucked down a gulp of his beer. "No, thanks. Get a good night sleep," he rolled his eyes. "God knows you'll need it if you want to survive tomorrow."

I laughed once, more of a nervous bark then a laugh, really. "Well, lemme know if you need anything." I awkwardly padded down the hallway to my bedroom.

I wasn't tired at all. My mind was too active for me to be sleepy, but I couldn't handle the uncomfortable silence between Edward and me anymore. I laid in bed, staring at the dark ceiling, letting my brain work.

How much longer were Edward and I going to be in this limbo? One minute things felt fine, the next everything was uncomfortable again. When I started to feel semi-normal, something happened that put me back at square one. It was like two steps forward, one step back.

I felt like I had done all of this already; the butterflies, the uncomfortable silences, the wondering, the longing. When everything had finally resolved itself, I was thrown back into the same anxious yearning I was in before.

How much longer could I do this?

Then there was Alice.

All this shit with Alice was really taking a toll on me. I was mentally exhausted with everything that was going on. Part of me was still furious with her, while part of me wanted to just put it all behind us. I wasn't one to hold grudges, and staying mad at her was really tiring me out.

She _was _one of my best friends, and truth be told, I missed her. Sure she fucked up, but who hasn't at some point? She genuinely seemed sorry for what she had done, and while there was no justification for the things she had said to me, I felt like I needed to forgive her. Holding on to so much hate was very unlike me, and it was beginning to be too much for me to handle.

I resolved to at least talk to her tomorrow, not promising myself anything.

The problem would be to get Edward to do the same.

I closed my eyes and soon fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning I woke up to sounds of clanking coming from the kitchen and the delicious smell of bacon wafting towards my room.

I headed down the hallway, yawning, and found Edward sliding a fried egg onto a plate. He stuck his lower lip out when he saw me. "I was gonna surprise you with breakfast!"

I smiled. "You did surprise me." I glanced over the bar onto the kitchen counter and saw bacon, eggs, sausage, toast and oatmeal. "It looks great!"

"I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed," Edward pouted.

My heart swelled. I felt almost guilty for leaving my bed. "I'm sure it will taste just as good here."

Edward motioned for me to go to the dining room table. He juggled the plates of food and set them down in front of me. He limped back to the kitchen and grabbed a jug of orange juice and two glasses.

"How's the leg?" I asked as he sat down across from me.

"Ok," Edward poured me a cup of orange juice. "A little sore, but not bad."

"That's good." I dug into the food in front of me. I had almost forgotten how good of a cook Edward was.

We ate in silence and I helped Edward clean the kitchen. When we were done, I cautiously asked, "What time is the party?"

Edward looked at his watch. "My mom wants us there at one."

I glanced at the microwave clock. It was almost eleven a.m. "We should get ready. You wanna use my shower?"

Edward shrugged. "Not unless you wanna use it first."

"You'll be faster then me," I said, waving him away. "Go ahead."

Edward shot me a thumbs up before disappearing down the hallway.

I spent the next twenty minutes mindlessly watching infomercials about workout equipment. I was trying really hard to not imagine Edward naked in my shower and how badly I wanted to join him.

It was difficult.

Edward emerged a few minutes later smelling like my strawberry shampoo. "Done!" He plopped down next to me on the couch. He gave me a lopsided smile, and I felt like he could read my mind.

I flushed, embarrassed at the dirty thoughts I'd had about him just moments earlier.

"What?" Edward laughed.

"Nothing," I stood up awkwardly. "I'll only be like a half an hour."

Edward pursed his lips, but said nothing. The look on his face made me feel like he knew exactly what I was thinking. He leaned forward and snatched the remote off the coffee table and started flipping through the channels again.

The shower took longer then I had anticipated. Edward's body wash was sitting, uncapped in the corner of the bathtub. I made the mistake of picking it up and inhaling it, letting myself get lost in the woodsy smell. Then I had a moment of insanity and squeezed a dollop of it onto my bath pouf. I rubbed the soap over my body, enjoying being surrounded by Edward's scent. After rinsing myself off, I realized that my behavior was bordering on insane, so I quickly rewashed myself with my own lavender body wash, hoping I got all of Edward's scent off of me so he wouldn't know what I had done.

I really thought I was on the verge of losing my mind.

Another thirty minutes had me showered, dressed and blow dried. I made my way back to the living room. Edward looked up at me when he saw me and tapped his watch.

"That was more like an hour," he said condescendingly.

"So sue me," I flushed again.

"What is with you today?" Edward asked, standing up. "You're all pink." He reached over the back of the couch and poked my cheek.

I swatted his hand away and turned around, so he couldn't see the even deeper shade of red I was sure I was turning. I slipped my shoes on and grabbed my purse off the bar. "Are you ready?" I asked over my shoulder.

"I've been ready."

I turned back around and stuck my tongue out at him. "Here," I held Edward's crutches in his direction as I set my purse on my shoulder.

"Nuh-uh," Edward shook his head as he limped towards the door.

I looked at him sternly. "Edward, the doctor said—"

"I don't want to use them, Bella,"

"Fine!" I threw my hands up in defeat. Again, I wasn't his mother. If he wanted to fuck up his recovery, that was his problem.

We ambled out to my car; Edward's pace was considerably slower then mine, so I held back. I didn't want to give him a complex.

Edward's parents didn't live far from my apartment. I had purposely rented a place in the same neighborhood so I could be close to both my parents and Edward's family. Not shortly after I had moved out though, my parents went through a nasty divorce, sold the house and moved to opposite ends of the country. So it was bittersweet being on the street I grew up on again.

During the short ride, Edward insisted on messing with my radio presets.

"Why do you have this crap on here?" He complained, changing the station from easy listening to some jazz channel I couldn't stand.

I hated jazz.

"Edward, fuck, do you have to do that _every time_ you're in my car?" I slapped his hand away from the radio.

He shrunk back into his seat and pouted. "What are you talking about?"

Every single time Edward had been in my car before the accident, he insisted on messing with the radio. He always changed it to the same station, even knowing I hated jazz. I was so used to having the same reaction every time he did it, my response was automatic; I didn't even have to think about it.

"Oh, sorry," I brought my hand to my mouth. "You always did that before."

"Did I?"

"Yeah," I focused on the road in front of me. "You knew I hated jazz, and you always changed the station to irritate me."

"Oh."

The rest of the car ride was silent, except for the Savage Garden that flowed softly out of the speakers, much to Edward's annoyance I was sure.

I pulled up to Edward's parent's house shortly and I saw Edward's face darken when he saw Alice's car in the driveway. I could hear Emmett whooping loudly from the backyard, so we headed towards the door leading onto the back porch.

"Ready?" Edward took a deep breath and put his hand on the door.

I mocked an exasperated sigh and exaggerated an eye roll. "I guess."

Edward laughed before pushing into the yard. I followed close behind him and heard a cacophony of voices heading towards us.

"Bella!" Esme flitted over to me and embraced me. "How have you been love?" She pushed my hair behind my ear and looked at me sternly. "You haven't been returning my calls."

I smiled sheepishly. Esme _had_ called me several times since I flounced from the hospital a few weeks ago, but I hadn't had the desire or energy to call her back. I figured it would hurt too much to talk to my practically second mother because of what was happening between Edward and me. By the time our relationship started building again, Esme had stopped calling and calling her back had slipped my mind. I genuinely felt really bad. "I'm sorry, Esme."

She shook her head and smiled. "No worries, sweetie. I understand." She was amazing; always so sympathetic and kind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much I had missed my second family these past few weeks.

"Is that BELLA?" I heard a booming voice coming up fast behind me and the next thing I knew, I was being lifted off the ground and spun in circles.

I squealed as Emmett planted me back down on the ground and bear hugged me. "How have you been, stranger?"

"Alright!" I breathed, pushing my hair out of my face. When I regained my composure, I punched him in the shoulder. "Nice to know the past few weeks haven't changed you."

"No amount of time will change his childishness," I heard a high voice say from behind Emmett. Blonde hair popped up from behind his shoulder and Rosalie reached forward to hug me. "Nice you _finally _see you."

"I know, I know!" I embraced her back. "Things are so much better now, though, right?" I looked up at Edward, who was standing silently beside me, grinning like an idiot.

"Yeah!" He said enthusiastically. "Check this out!" He lifted his pant leg, effectively changing the subject. While I knew he was glad we were working things out, it seemed like he was still uncomfortable talking to other people about it. I saw how angry he got when it was brought up around Alice, so I decided to keep the subject changed so he didn't get upset.

"Damn, baby brother, that was fast!" Emmett dropped to his knees to examine Edward's leg. He poked it a few times. "Still works?"

Edward smacked Emmett. "Of course it still works."

I glanced around the backyard. Carlisle waved at me from behind the barbeque. I smiled and waved back. There were bowls of pasta and potato salad on the picnic tables, along with chips and dip, sodas, beer, and a tray of brownies that I'm sure were for dessert, though I wondered if Esme would notice if I snuck one. She made the _best_, most heavenly brownies on this planet.

Edward looked around almost at the same time I did. Though he said the words I was thinking, but didn't want to voice,"Where's Alice?"

Esme's smile became strained. "She's in the house."

Edward and I stole a glance at each other. We weren't sneaky enough though, as Esme caught our exchange and said, "She's in the family room, watching a movie, if you want to see her." She was hinting that she wanted us to work out this "problem" she thought we had.

I briefly wondered if she knew exactly what had happened.

"Maybe later," Edward said as he headed toward the food.

I saw the disapproving look on Esme's face. She sighed and turned to me. "Whatever happened between you guys, it's not worth all this anger." So I guess she _didn't_ know what had happened. "Life's too short," she glanced at Edward piling macaroni salad on a paper plate. "It's too short for hate." She took my hand and squeezed it before releasing it and walking towards Carlisle.

"What _did_ happen between you guys, anyway?" Emmett asked. I had forgotten he was even still standing there. I was surprised Alice hadn't told anyone else. At least to have made herself look like the victim… It wasn't something she did knowingly; with two older brothers, she had spent her life learning how to figure out how to put blame on others. She usually didn't act like that in a malicious way, but she liked to meddle in other people's business. This usually got her into trouble, and she did what she had to do to keep herself liked.

I looked over at Edward sitting at the picnic table, shoveling pasta into his mouth. He grinned at me and motioned for me to come sit with him. "Later, Emmett." I patted his arm as I strided over to the table. Edward gave me a big smile and handed me a paper plate.

"Don't you think we should go talk to Alice?" I asked him taking the plate.

Edward stopped mid-bite and rolled his eyes back up to me. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why?'" I sat down next to him, clutching my empty plate. "We have to fix this."

"No," Edward put his fork down and turned his body towards me. "_She_ has to fix this."

I sighed. "She's locked herself inside the house. How will she get the chance if she won't even come outside? We have to go inside and talk to her."

Edward's hands went to his hair, a sure sign he was stressed out. "Bella, I don't want to—"

"Edward, for your mother's sake?" I looked pointedly at Esme, who was standing next to Carlisle by the barbeque. Every few seconds she would glance at the backdoor with a worried look on her face. "Alice is sorry. She's regretful. I can't take being mad at her anymore."

Edward sighed, resigned. "Fine." He swung his legs over the seat and stood up. He wobbled a bit and leaned on the table for support.

"I told you to bring your crut—"

"Bella." Edward warned.

"Ok, ok!" I put my hands up. I offered my arm to him as I stood up and he linked his into the crook of my elbow. It was getting easier for him to accept help from me.

As we walked towards the house, I glanced over my shoulder at Esme. She was giving the two of us an encouraged look and I hoped we wouldn't disappoint her.

Edward slid the backdoor open and we stepped into the cool house. I could hear muffled sounds coming from the family room. Me and Edward silently walked through the house towards the source of the sound. When we reached the family room, I peeked in and not only saw Alice on the couch, but Jasper was with her. She was laying across the couch with her feet on the arm rest and her head in Jasper's lap. He was absentmindedly stroking her hair as they watched some John Travolta movie.

"When did this happen?" I whispered to Edward.

Edward shrugged. "I haven't talked to Jasper in a few days, and I doubt he would have mentioned this to me anyway. Isn't there some rule about dating your best friend's sisters?"

I smacked Edward's chest lightly. "I always thought this would happen. They were always a less intense version of us."

Edward pursed his lips as he surveyed the scene in front of him. "They look comfortable. Maybe we should come back—"

"No." I saw what Edward was trying to do. "We need to resolve this."

Jasper must have heard us whispering; he turned his head around and caught us standing in the doorway, spying on him and Alice. He grinned guiltily before whispering something down at Alice. She shot into a sitting position and glared at us.

"What do you want?" She demanded.

"We want to talk," I said.

Jasper stood up. He ran his hands through his hair uncomfortably as he sauntered past us. "I'm gonna go get a soda. Anyone want one?"

Edward and I shook our heads at him and Alice said nothing. He ducked out of the room, clearly trying to escape the war zone.

"I tried to talk to you two already," Alice said turning back around on the couch. "You didn't want anything to do with me. I figured the happy couple didn't need me anymore."

I hesitantly walked into the room and sat on the loveseat opposite Alice. Edward reluctantly followed, limping his way into the room and collapsing next to me. He said nothing.

"Alice, you have to understand where I was coming from," I said softly. I spoke slowly; I didn't want to upset her and make this any harder then it needed to be. I knew if she blew up, it would be hard for me, and especially Edward to keep our cool.

Alice looked at me wearily. "I know Bella, and I apologized a million times. I had a moment of insanity. You made it clear you didn't want my apology, so what do you want me to do?"

I swallowed thickly. "I'm not going to say I'm sorry. But I want to make this right."

Alice stayed silent. Her arms were crossed defiantly across her chest and she stared blankly at the TV where the movie was still droning out of the speakers.

I continued. "Alice, you're my best friend. You always have been. Can we work this out?"

Alice still said nothing. I was beginning to get pissed. This was _her_ mistake and I was going out of my way to make it better and all she was doing was giving me the silent treatment. I was about to open my mouth again when Edward blew up.

"Alice, fuck!" His hand slammed down on the arm of the couch, making a loud _slap_ing sound.

Alice and I both jumped.

"Why the fuck are you acting like this?" Edward shouted, leaning forward.

"Edward, don't…" I warned. I was afraid of him reacting like this.

"No!" Edward put a hand up at me. He turned towards Alice, who looked like she was ready to bolt out of the room.

I was just as freaked out by Edward's recent behavior, so I could understand how she was feeling.

"_You_ fucked up, Alice," Edward pointed an accusing finger at her. "You attacked Bella for no reason. You made me feel _so guilty_ for wanting to distance myself from her and look what you've been doing!" Alice scoffed and went to stand up but Edward grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down. His voice softened. "Alice, what did you tell me? Weeks ago? After this happened?"

Alice looked tearfully at Edward, but continued to stay silent.

"You told me we had to be there for her."

"I know, I just—" Alice burst into tears. She brought her hands to her face and sobbed as Edward pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting towards you. I hate being mad at you."

Alice pulled out of Edward's hug and wiped at her eyes. "I hated being excluded."

I was confused. "Who was excluding you?"

"Both of you!" Alice trilled. "Bella, I was trying so hard to be there for you and comfort you and it was exhausting! I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around you and felt like I was abandoning Edward when he needed me most." She wiped at her eyes again and her torrent of words continued. "I was just mentally exhausted from all of it and when you blew me off to go to lunch with him, I snapped." She scooted closer to me and placed a tentative hand on my knee. "Bella, I am _so sorry_ for saying all those hurtful words to you." She sniffed and shifted a millimeter closer to me. "I miss you so much," her voice cracked as she turned her head towards Edward. "I need my best friend and brother back."

As sappy and cliché as this all was, I couldn't help myself; the tears burst out of me almost violently and nearly simultaneously, Alice pulled me into a fierce hug. We held each other and cried and mumbled incoherent things that nobody else would have understood.

I glanced up at Edward through my tears and almost laughed at the look on his face.

His eyes were wide, his mouth in a grimace and he looked ready to run. Sappy, girly reunions were obviously not his thing.

Alice pulled away from me and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I am sorry," she whispered. "To both of you."

"Yeah, well, Mom was gonna kick my ass if this went any further, so I'm sorry too," Edward said uncomfortably. "I'm still not happy with how you blew everything out of proportion, but you are my little sister, so I guess I'll forgive your moment of insanity."

"Edward, always has a way with the words," Alice laughed tearfully. She leaned forward and pulled him into another hug.

"Now I have a question for you," Edward asked, muffled by Alice's shoulder. She released him and he looked sternly at her. "You and Jasper?"

"Oh, Jesus," Alice stood up and clicked off the TV. "Don't start with that big brother bullshit now."

"How long has this been going on for?"

Alice whipped around, her tiny fists balled at her sides. "None of your business, Edward, knock it off."

I stood up, laughing. "Nice to see you two are back to normal." I motioned for the back door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I smell some delicious food coming from outside, and I'm starving, so I'm going to go get some lunch."

"Seriously, Alice, when did you two start hooking up?" Edward ignored my comment and kept pestering Alice. I knew he was just playing his role as the big brother, being protective, and clearly, Alice saw right through him as well.

"Who said we're hooking up and again, it's none of your business! Stop nosing through my life, asshole." Alice brushed past me and squeezed through the backdoor.

Edward sighed and stood up.

"I really am glad things are back to normal between you two," I giggled.

Now that Alice was outside, the barbeque was much less tense. I didn't see Esme glancing at me and Edward disapprovingly anymore. Emmett kept aggravating me, pushing for details of what had happened and Rosalie kept telling him to "shut the fuck up." Alice and Edward continued to bicker about what was going on between her and Jasper and Jasper stayed far away from the two of them, amusing himself by making track sets on Carlise's IPod. Carlisle had started trying to flip burgers onto people's plates and was failing; something he tried at every family get together and never succeeded in anything but covering the grass in charred meat.

Everything seemed back to normal.

As the evening was winding down, we all sat around the picnic table and munched on Esme's heavenly brownies.

Emmett, being slightly buzzed and never shy, decided ask the question that was probably on everybody's minds.

"So what's going on between the two of you?" He pointed his beer between me and Edward.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, but said nothing.

Edward spoke up. "What do you mean?"

"You're staying at her house, aren't you?"

Six pairs of eyes darted to us, waiting for an answer.

"It's a complicated situation," Edward said, clearly avoiding the question.

"Well, something has to be going on for you to be sleeping over there, right?"

"It's not like that," Edward said, his voice softening on the last word. He looked over at me, and I tried to hide the hurt expression on my face.

_Two more steps back. _

"I mean," Edward backtracked. "There's more to it…" He looked over at me. "Bella can explain it if she wants."

I looked down at my hands. I could feel everyone's stares boring into me. "I'd rather not," I said softly.

"But what happ—"

"Emmett," Esme interrupted him. "If Bella doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to talk about it."

Emmett looked between the two of us, before scoffing and taking a pull of his beer. "You two are nuts." He got up and walked toward the cooler, mumbling to himself. "All these years, and still nothing…"

"Well!" Carlisle clapped, standing up. "I'd say this party is a success, but I'm ready to hit the hay. Early day tomorrow." He stretched. "Who wants a doggie bag?"

The boys all clambered over the table while Alice pulled me aside.

"Seriously though, everything ok between the two of you?" She asked gently.

I shrugged. "Not much has changed. He still doesn't remember me, still wants to, still doesn't know what to feel, you know."

Alice squeezed my shoulder. "I still believe it will all fall into place."

I forced a smile. "Thanks."

I could see a ton of questions burning behind Alice's eyes, but she stayed quiet.

"I'll tell you about it some other time," I said, answering one question I knew was brewing inside her head: What happened the night Edward showed up at my apartment.

A small smile formed on Alice's lips. "Whenever you're ready."

Edward appeared at my side holding a grocery bag full of food. "You ready?"

"Yeah, lemme just make sure Esme doesn't need help cleaning up." I could hear Edward and Alice still arguing about Jasper as I walked away.

I walked over to Esme clearing paper plates off of the picnic table. "Do you need help with anything?"

"No sweetie, I've got it covered." She tied the trash bag in her hand and shook open another one. "Thanks so much for coming, we've missed you!"

"I've missed you guys too," I smiled sheepishly. "I promise we'll see more of each other from now on."

"We better," Esme scolded gently, pulling me into a one-armed hug. "And thank you."

I didn't need to ask what her gratitude was for. I smiled warmly at her. "You're welcome."

Edward and I said our goodbyes. Edward promised Alice he would be "keeping an eye on her" to which Alice responded by smacking him and telling him to "fuck off."

I felt like it was time to leave before another family war erupted, so we made our way to the car. The short drive home was silent and when we arrived back at my apartment, we both collapsed on the couch.

"That went well," I said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I'm glad we went," Edward smiled at me. "Thanks."

I picked up the grocery bag full of food and took it to the kitchen to put in the fridge.

"Hey," Edward called from the living room.

I stood up and peered over the bar. "What?"

Edward cleared his throat and sat up. "About earlier…"

My stomach jumped into my throat. I turned back around and pretended to rummage through a cupboard. I decided to play stupid. "What about earlier?"

When Edward spoke again, he was right behind me. I jumped at the closeness of his voice. I turned my body towards him and found him just inches from my face. "I didn't mean what I said."

I was trapped against the counter, clutching the edge for support. "What do you mean?" I whispered.

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "About my being here not being what Emmett was insinuating…" He trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. "I mean, I don't want you to think I don't feel something for you."

I shook my head. "I don't."

"Good. Cause…" He hesitated and dropped his gaze from mine. He took a small step back, distancing himself from me just enough to give us both the chance to clear our heads. He seemed to be trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. After a moment, he tentatively brought his gaze back to mine. "There's something there. Just give me some time to figure out what it means." He looked uncomfortable.

I shrugged my shoulders as I stepped towards him. My eyes met his. "I'm not going anywhere," I whispered, reaching up and touching his face. He closed his eyes and leaned towards my touch. I tried my best to ignore the current that passed through my body as our skin met and before things could get further, before I set myself up for something I'd regret later, I dropped my hand to my side and walked to my room to sort out my jumbled thoughts and go to bed.

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**Author's Notes: Ok, so I know some things were rushed through. The Alice/Edward/Bella warfest was just taking over too much of the plot, so it just needed to be resolved already. I think what was bugging me is that this story had kind of gone off on a tangent that I hadn't originally planned out. I hadn't planned on Alice being such a central character (and definitely hadn't planned on her becoming the villain). Things were getting too off track, so I hope now things are back where they should be and now there's more room for Edward and Bella's relationship to evolve. **

**In the description, I rated this story M for possible future lemons? Well, I have some things in the works that could be coming in near future chapters... IDK IDK you'll all have to stay tuned to see. :) **

**Remember a couple chapters ago, I had mentioned that I was working on something a little darker and a _lot_ smuttier then this? Well, it's done also, and just needs some tweaking and a name, so if you wanna read my first attempt at darksmut (maybe to see what _could_ be coming here) put me on author alert! I'm gonna try to get it up in the next couple of days as well. :)**

**If you're still with me, I thank you! I appreciate every single one of you and love you all for sticking with me even though I'm a horrible updater. *muah**


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Beginnings

**Once again, I'd like to apologize to the few loyal readers I have for being such a shitty updater. Things got in the way the past couple months; long story short, I contracted a pretty bad case of pneumonia that put me out of commission for about six weeks. I had no motivation do to anything, hence the longer then usual update. Then Mockingjay came out, so I was useless to write anything until I was finished with that (can you say sobfest?). **

**Anyway, here's the long overdue chapter thirteen, I hope the couple of you still with me enjoy it. :)**

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN - BEGINNINGS**

The next few weeks were different, but back to normal at the same time. Edward, much against his will, stopped camping on my couch and went back to his apartment. I thought I had convinced him that if Jacob had wanted his revenge, he would have acted on it by now, but he still insisted on ringing my phone off the hook every hour to make sure I was ok.

I went back to work, slowly at first, picking up only a few shifts a week, to get myself back into the swing of things. My coworkers threw me a "welcome back" party, complete with streamers, cake, balloons _and _gifts. It was all pretty ridiculous.

Alice and I were back to talking regularly and had gone out to lunch a few times, although things were still a little tense between us. A teeny-tiny part of me was still irked at her for her behavior, but I did my best to bury the feeling. I felt like she could sense my irritation; she was overly nice and acted like she was walking on eggshells around me. That may have been part of my annoyance, the fact that she wasn't acting normal, even though I was trying my best to.

Edward and I talked on the phone every night, sometimes for hours at a time. I felt like I was in high school again. We re-got to know each other during these phone calls, or, should I say, he re-got to know me. He asked countless questions and I answered every one of them. Edward laughed a lot more during these phone calls, which in turn, made me happier. Although things weren't completely back to normal, I felt good, really good.

One morning, things were different. Edward had called me around breakfast time to, yet again, make sure Jacob hadn't broken into my apartment and murdered me. The conversation started out normal, but as the call continued, Edward's demeanor changed. He was quieter then usual, not really seeming to be listening to what I was saying. I tried telling a stupid joke, in an effort to get him to laugh. Even after the punch line, I still got no reaction out of him.

"Get it?" I insisted. "Polar-oids?" I laughed again at my lame attempt at humor.

Edward gave a half hearted chuckle. I could definitely tell something was on his mind.

"Spit it out," I demanded.

"What?" I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"Whatever is on your mind, spit it out already."

Edward's voice was weak. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I was sick of having a one sided conversation, and I had laundry to do, so I said, "Well it seems like you're preoccupied, so I'll let you go then. I have stuff to do."

Edward hesitated, before blurting out, "Do you wanna go out with me?"

"Go out with you?"

"Yeah, like on a date. Like a real date."

My stomach jumped into my throat. I wanted to say something like, "Yes! Of course! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to hear those words?" But I felt choked. Nothing would come out. Edward must have taken my silence as a negative response.

"Is that a no?" He sounded disappointed.

"No!" my voice came out strangled. I cleared my throat. "I mean, yes, of course I'll go out with you."

_I seriously feel like I'm a sophomore again… This is ridiculous. _

"Oh, ok…" Edward didn't sound convinced. "If you don't want to, let me know. You don't have to go out with me cause you feel sorry for me or—"

"Edward," I willed my voice back to normal. "I'd love to."

He sighed in relief. "Good, cause I already made dinner reservations."

"Oh really?" I asked, my voice teasing. "So you just knew I'd say yes?"

"I hoped you would," Edward said. "The reservation is tonight at seven."

"Tonight?" My mind raced, trying to think if I had anything to do tonight, already trying to come up with some sort of plan how to get out of whatever it could be. My mind came up blank, but I didn't want to seem desperate. "What makes you think I'm free tonight?"

"Bella, please, don't play games," Edward said bluntly. "I know you're off today, and you never have anything going on on Saturday nights."

I was taken aback. He was right of course, but hearing the words come out of his mouth stung, just a little. "Ok then. What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"Oh no," I could hear a smile forming in Edward's voice. "I'm picking you up."

"How?" I asked confused. "Not in a taxi, I hope. You don't need to waste your money."

"Emmett's going to let me borrow his car," Edward said. "I had to promise not to wreck it about a gazillion times, but he agreed."

"Wow, you thought of everything didn't you?" I was both amused and touched that he had already planned this whole night out.

"I'll pick you up at six-thirty," he said. "Bye, Bella." And he hung up without waiting for a response.

I closed my phone and stared at the front display, my mind reeling from the conversation I had just had. Did he really just ask me out on a date? We hadn't even reached that point in our relationship before his accident. Could things finally be falling back into place?

The time on the phone display caught my eye, 10:45. That left me with a little less then eight hours until Edward would be picking me up. I had no idea what to do with myself.

Collecting my thoughts, I decided to continue with the same plans I had for the day: laundry.

The two small loads I had took way less time then I had hoped, even with folding everything meticulously. By the time I was done, it was only one p.m; still hours before I could even start getting ready.

I decided to clean my kitchen to pass some more time, doing some long overdue scrubbing on my counters and stove. I was elbow deep in cleanser when I got a text message. I rinsed and dried my hands and flipped open my phone.

_Forgot to tell you, we're eating at Il Bistro. I hope you like Italian! :) _

I smiled at the text, but was overtaken with the fact that I didn't think I had anything nice to wear to such a fancy restaurant. I sent a simple, "I love Italian!" back to him and an idea hit me.

In an attempt to mend things with Alice, I decided to invite her over to help me get ready.

"He _finally_ asked you out? Like officially?" she squealed.

"What are we, sixteen?" I complained. "Do you wanna come help me get ready or not?" I immediately regretted my tone. "Sorry, I mean—"

"No worries," Alice said, but I could tell by the way her voice changed that I had offended her. "You want me to come over now?"

"Whenever you want," I said, my voice taking on a softer tone. "He said the dinner reservation is at seven so the sooner the better I guess."

Half an hour later had Alice in my room, rummaging through my closet. "How do you want to look tonight?" She asked, her voice muffled.

"I don't know… Nicer then casual, I guess. But nothing too fancy. We're going to Il Bistro."

"Yeah, jeans won't do," Alice muttered. At least that's what I thought I heard her say. She was practically buried in the racks of clothes. "Bella, you have nothing nice in here!"

"Over here," I said impatiently. I walked into the closet behind her and pushed aside a rack of jeans. I had a few nice dresses I kept in the back of my closet behind everything else.

"Oh!" Alice squealed fingering a blue silk dress. "This is nice!"

"It's a bridesmaid dress, Alice." A coworker had gotten married the previous year and for reasons unbeknownst to me, insisted I be a bridesmaid. The dress had cost a fortune and I couldn't bear to part with it.

"How about this one?" Alice held up a dark brown drapery dress I had never worn. It was on sale at an expensive boutique and I couldn't pass it up. It cinched at the left hip and was sleeveless. It had a cowl neckline and drooped down low creating a soft look. It was perfect for mine and Edward's casual night out.

"What shoes would go with this?" I glanced around Alice at my sad pile of sneakers and flip flops.

Alice clapped and edged around me out of the closet. "I'm glad you have freakishly small feet," she teased opening the duffel bag she had dragged in with her. She dug through it for a few seconds before pulling out a pair of chocolate brown, peep-toe, crocodile print heels.

I laughed. "Did you bring your whole shoe collection with you?"

Alice gave me a serious look. "Are you kidding me? This is just a sampling of my heels. You just got lucky that I happened to bring these. I knew you didn't have any nice shoes."

"They're perfect," I said, ignoring her jab and setting the dress on my bed next to her bag.

"Shower, now," Alice said shooing me into the bathroom. She proceeded to turn around and pull a smaller bag out of the duffel and dump it onto my bed. It looked like she had brought her entire cosmetics collection with her. I shook my head before closing the door.

While in the shower, I let the nervousness of what was coming fully hit me. It's not like I hadn't gone out to dinner with Edward a million times, but this was different. It had more of a "first date" feel. I already felt on edge, and I had a feeling it would last all night.

Once I was showered, shaved and towel dried, I let Alice loose to work her magic. She blow dried my hair and took a straightening iron to it, de-frizzing it and flattening it stick straight. She put a deep part in the left side of my scalp and made side sweeping bangs that kept falling in my face.

"Stop it." Alice swatted my hand away the millionth time the bangs fell into my eyes.

"I can't handle this all night," I complained.

"Calm down," Alice sighed. "I'm not done." She used pomade and wax and hairspray and when she was done, my hair was cascading down my back in a shiny brown sheet, with my bangs sweeping across my forehead and tucked behind my ear with the help of a bobby pin. She did in twenty minutes what I could never do. Most of the time, I just threw my hair into a sloppy ponytail, which took me all of fifteen seconds.

"Wow, Alice, that looks incredible," I said, staring open mouthed at my reflection.

"I'm not done yet," she said pulling on my shoulders to turn me around. She then started on my face, blotting and swiping and penciling. Half an hour later, she seemed satisfied. She tweaked something on my cheek before stepping back and folding her arms. "Perfect," she said. "Take a look."

I didn't recognize the woman staring back at me. She had smoky eyes, framed by thick lashes, sun kissed cheeks and rosy red lips. She looked amazing while still looking natural. "Wow," I breathed. "How do you do this?"

Alice shrugged and laughed. "It's a gift I guess."

"Why don't you do this professionally?" I asked, still not able to take my eyes off my reflection.

"I don't know, I never really thought about it," Alice mused. "Now go get dressed! I want to see you ready to go."

I slipped on my dress, being as careful as possible as to not mess up my hair and makeup, and stepped into Alice's heels. It had been a while since I had worn anything higher then flip flops, so I teetered a bit, unsteady on my feet. "If I break my ankle tonight, you're paying my medical bills," I said to Alice.

She walked over to me and pulled on my dress, adjusting it around my hips and shoulders and stood back, looking me over. A huge smile spread across her face. "Shit, Bella, you look _amazing_."

"Yeah?" I wrung my hands nervously as I wobbled to the bathroom to check out my finished look. I had to admit, I _did_ look good. It was a rare occasion I spent longer then ten minutes on my appearance and I had forgotten how well I cleaned up.

I was still scrutinizing my appearance when I heard a knock at the door. "Shit!" I made a beeline for my nightstand, where my clock was. "What time is it?" The glowing red numbers read 6:32. "Damnit, it's that late?"

"Wait," Alice looked confused. "How did he—"

"He borrowed Emmett's car," I interrupted, grabbing my bag off the floor next to my bed. Edward knocked again, a little harder. "Coming!" I yelled towards the living room.

"Oh no, no no," Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the room as I tried to escape. "You are _not_ taking that tacky, khaki bag." She rummaged through her duffel again and pulled out a black clutch as Edward knocked again on the front door.

"Alice!" I complained.

"Go get the door, I'll take care of this," she said, waving her hand at me.

I walked carefully down the hallway and took a deep breath to steady myself before swinging open the front door. Edward had his fist up in mid-knock and looked surprised as the door opened.

"I thought you had stood me—" Edward stopped mid sentence as he took in my appearance. I saw his eyes travel from my face, down my body, and rest on my legs. "Wow, Bella, you look incredible." He brought his eyes back to mine and smiled.

"You don't look too bad yourself," I said. He had on a pair of dark gray slacks, a black button up shirt, untucked, and a skinny black tie. It was the perfect mixture of casual and formal.

"Yeah, well," he shrugged sheepishly. He held his hand out and motioned inside the door. "May I come in?"

I stepped back and gestured for him to come inside. "Since when are you so gentlemanly?" I teased.

"This is a date, remember?" He walked in and stood in the entryway. "Are you ready to go?"

"Here, Bella!" Alice called from down the hallway. She came flying into the living room like a hurricane, thrusting the clutch in my hands. She started tweaking my dress and hair again, as Edward frowned at her.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Alice shot a dirty look right back at Edward. "Nice to see you too, brother." She crossed her arms across her chest. "I was making Bella look hot for you." She motioned up and down my body with her hand. "You think she can do this to herself?"

"Thanks, Alice," I said flatly.

"No matter," Alice pushed us both towards the front door. "You're gonna be late for dinner, go!"

After being shoved out of my own apartment, Edward and I walked to Emmett's car, a little slower then usual because of the three inch heels I was in. Edward seemed to have no problem matching my pace, and even offered his arm to steady me.

"Thanks," I smiled, linking my arm in his. We walked the rest of the way in silence, and when we got to the car, Edward actually opened the door for me. I couldn't help myself, and a laugh burst out of my mouth.

"What?" Edward furrowed his eyebrows, a hurt look appearing on his face.

"I'm sorry," I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand. "I've just never seen this side of you before."

"What side of me?" Edward leaned his arms on the top of the car door, looking expectant.

"This whole, chivalrous thing," I explained. "Offering to help me walk, opening doors for me, _asking_ to come into my apartment; you never acted like that around me before."

"Well," Edward motioned for me to get in. "From what you told me, we've never been on a _real date _before, so get used to it." He shut the door before I could respond and slipped into the driver's side.

I changed the subject. "You aren't nervous about driving again?"

Edward shrugged. "Not really. Can't live my life in fear. Why do you think I asked you out?"

I was a bit taken aback at his response. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Edward smirked. "Hungry?" He put the car in reverse, backed out of the parking spot, and we were on our way.

I had never been to Il Bistro. It was an upscale Italian restaurant that was a bit on the expensive side, and I had never been on a date with a guy who wanted to cough up that much for dinner.

It was no wonder I was still single.

Edward insisted I ordered whatever I wanted, but since my stomach was feeling a bit rocky from nerves, I settled on a simple mushroom ravioli. Edward ordered the Tortelloni ricotta, which I found out later was pasta stuffed with cheese and spinach and smothered in tomato sauce and was to die for. We sipped wine and nibbled on breadsticks until our entrees arrived. The conversation, while a bit tense, was normal. Edward asked me more questions about myself, questions that were more in depth then ones he had previously asked. About my family, my passion for books, places I wanted to travel. We shared a tiramisu for dessert and when the last bite was taken, I felt a pang of disappointment. The night was coming to an end, and I was almost desperate to make it last longer. I didn't say anything though, not knowing if Edward had anything else planned for the night.

When the bill came, Edward swiped the folder up and slipped his credit card inside, handing it right back to the waiter.

"Let me leave the tip at least," I insisted. "This must have been ridiculously expensive."

"Don't worry about it," Edward waved me off. "You deserve this."

"I deserve this? Why?"

"You've been so patient with me," Edward said, putting his hand over mine. "Any other girl would have left a long time ago."

I felt a bit uncomfortable. I didn't feel like I could tell Edward that I would never leave, because I was after all, ridiculously and madly in love with him, but I didn't want to risk ruining the night by scaring him off. I had a sense he knew how deep my feelings went for him, but I didn't want to voice them out loud. "Of course I stayed."

"Thank you," Edward said simply.

The waiter arrived then and Edward signed the bill. He stood up and offered his hand. "Ready?"

I put my hand in his and we made our way outside. We got into the car and Edward started the engine. He made no move to pull out of the spot, instead sitting back in the seat and resting his hands on his lap. "This was really fun, Bella."

"It was," I said.

"So, are you ready to go home?" The tone of his voice made me feel like Edward felt the same way I did, about not wanting the night to end.

"We could go have some drinks," I suggested.

Edward smiled. "Sounds good to me. I know of a nice little pub right down the street."

I got the feeling, again, Edward had already planned this, so I agreed and we left the parking lot.

I had never heard of the pub Edward picked. It was small, but pretty busy. The bar was full of fans watching a basketball game. The lights were dimmed and despite the amount of people there, it was fairly quiet. Edward and I settled ourselves in a corner of the bar and ordered some drinks; a Newcastle for Edward and a rum and coke for me.

"Hardcore," Edward teased.

"Hey, I'm not driving," I said as the bartender placed a cocktail napkin in front of me, followed by my drink.

The questions started again. Edward asked me what I had wanted to be when I grew up, and if I was still pursuing those dreams now. He asked about childhood pets, how I felt being an only child, and if I would have changed any aspects of how I grew up, if given the chance. He finished his first drink and glanced behind him.

"I'll be right back," he said gesturing towards the bathroom. "Order me another beer?"

"Absolutely," I smiled. I turned towards the bartender and motioned that I needed two more drinks.

Without Edward to distract me, I let my mind wander to how amazingly the night was going. I was only half paying attention to the basketball game that was on the TV stationed above the bar when I felt a hand on my waist. I was about to comment on how fast Edward could empty his bladder when I heard a chilling voice close to my ear.

"If it isn't the little fucking tease."

I whipped around to find Jacob Black grinning down at me, his long hair falling over his shoulders, his eyes narrowed.

"You here alone tonight? Where's your schitzo-knight-in-shining-armor?" His voice was mocking.

I glanced nervously at the bartender. He was still a few patrons away from me, shaking a cocktail. I'd really have to make a scene to get his attention.

"That poor crippled boyfriend of yours lose his memory again?" Jacob asked, stepping into my view. He was even closer to me now.

My heart was pounding in my ears. I could feel myself trembling and when I spoke, I tried to sound authoritative and not scared shitless. "Jacob, leave me alone."

Jacob laughed, a menacing, deep, frightening laugh. He stepped even closer to me. I could feel his breath on my face. "Leave you alone? Your piece of shit friend broke my nose, you know that? I don't let shit like that slide." He grabbed my arm and put his lips at my ear. "If you make a scene, I'll make it even worse."

A chill ran through my body and I closed my eyes. I felt like if I looked at him anymore, I was going to throw up. I prayed silently that Edward would come back from the bathroom _soon._

I felt Jacob pull at my arm, trying to get me to stand up. I resisted at first, but when he wrapped his fingers more tightly around my bicep, I had no choice but to follow his tugging.

I still had my eyes closed, so I didn't see when Edward reappeared, but I heard it. I heard loud, fast footsteps first, followed by a "Hey!" and the sound of flesh meeting flesh. I opened my eyes when I felt Jacob's grip ripped from my arm.

I saw a not-so-pleasant sight. Edward and Jacob were wrestling on the floor, fists flying, blood spurting. The whole bar had crowded around the two of them, cheering and whooping. I pushed through the people jostling in front of me.

"Edward! Stop!" I screamed. He was on top of Jacob, holding onto his shirt collar, pounding into his face, over and over again. I was afraid if he didn't stop, he was going to kill him. I rushed forward and pulled on his shoulders. "Edward!"

I succeeded in distracting him enough to get him to stand up, but Jacob wasn't admitting defeat so easily. As soon as Edward's weight was off of him, he lunged forward, head butting Edward in the stomach, pushing us both to the ground.

Jacob was now on top of Edward, his hands wrapped around his throat, pushing him against the floor. Edward's arms flailed in desperation.

I jumped on Jacob's back and pulled at his hair, tugged on his shoulders, scratched his face, did whatever I could to get him to loosen his grip on Edward's neck.

He threw me off his back like a ragdoll. I tumbled to the floor and scrambled back up just in time to see the bartender and a security guard pulling Jacob off of Edward. Jacob continued to fight, lunging forward and shouting expletives. Edward pulled himself up onto a barstool, coughing and sputtering, blood pouring out of his lip and a large gash over his eye. I rushed towards him, helping him stand up.

"Are you ok?" I whispered, examining his face.

"Let's go," he choked, pushing through the crowd and pulling on my arm. I followed obediently.

He let go of my arm when we reached the doors leading outside. He slammed them open violently and stalked quickly down the street, not even looking to see if I was keeping up.

"Edward! Slow down!" I called after him. My heels were making it difficult for me to stay close to him. "Edward!"

"We have to keep walking, Bella," Edward turned around quickly and wiped his sleeve across his bleeding lip. "You hear those sirens? Guess where they're headed!" He whipped back around and continued to practically run away from the bar.

"Jesus, Edward, just stop for a second!" I stumbled after him and practically ran into him when he stopped suddenly. "What are you—"

He pulled me roughly into an alleyway and pushed me up against the cool bricks, blocking my body from view. The alley was dark. I doubt anyone who didn't see us duck in here would have even known we were here.

I couldn't see his face yet, my eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark, but I could feel his hot breath on my face. He was panting heavily. His hands were next to my head and I could feel his body pressed against mine.

"Are you ok?" He asked hoarsely.

"I'm fine," I whispered, pressing my back against the wall.

"Bella, what were you doing?" He whispered harshly.

"What do you mean?"

"You were just sitting there, with your eyes closed, not moving," his voice was hard. "What was going through your head?"

"I—I don't know," I stammered nervously. "I thought maybe if I made him disappear, he really would and I don't know, I was just so scared—"

"Bella," Edward cut off my rambling. He pushed himself off the wall and started pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see the conflicted look on his blood smeared face.

Not knowing what else to say, I dumbly replied, "What?"

"Just, listen," he put one hand up and kept the other one on his head; maybe to staunch the blood still trickling from right below his hairline, maybe to keep the thoughts from oozing out with it. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"I can't explain why I feel the way I do about you… I don't even feel like I could explain _how_ I feel about you." He brought his eyes to mine. "It's the most intense feeling I've ever experienced. I can't go five minutes without thinking about you. I dream about you, Bella, almost every night. I can't get you out of my head, even if I wanted to. And I don't." He stepped towards me. "Just the thought of you makes my heart race, makes my mind fuzzy, and I don't know why." He reached his hand up to stroke my cheek, and rested it on my shoulder. "Bella, I think I'm…" His voice dropped off. "I'm falling…"

"Edward…" My voice came out as a hoarse whisper. His eyes stayed locked on mine, his breathing rapid, his hand tightly gripping my shoulder. "Edward."

"Bella?" I barely heard him speak my name.

The whisper of my name coming out of his lips gave me enough courage to say the words I had been aching to say for weeks.

"Kiss me."

I didn't have to ask twice. Before I could blink, Edward was smashing his lips to mine.

* * *

**Sorry for the cliffhanger. I'll try my best to get the next chapter up ASAP. ;)**

**Both Bella and Edward's outfits for the date can be found on my profile, if you're interested in seeing exactly what I had in mind for them. **

**Remember in my last update I mentioned I was working on something new, something darker and smuttier? Well I did upload it like, months ago, but since I took so long updating this story, I hadn't gotten the chance to let you all know it was there, at least those of you who don't have me on author updates. :) It's called Sins and Vices and it's kinda filthy, so if you're into that sort of thing, go give it a read and tell me what you think. **

**I also don't think I mentioned that I linked my Twitter and my Livejournal on my profile as well if you wanna friend/follow me on either one of those. I'm not super interesting, but feel free!**


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